[Happy2Bhere]

My daughter is an only child.
We thought that would be great for all of us-
Now we see she needs a sister. She's not cut out to be an only child.
My husband & I both come from a family of 5 kids. That had good & bad, but mostly good for both of us.
My brother married a lady who was an only child. They decided to put themselves in full time ministry- so they didn't want any children, but she always said, if she got pregnant, she would have two, because growing up an only child was something she would never do to her child.
I think of it more as what happens when mom & dad are gone, or dying? You look to your siblings for support, comfort, etc. We're adopting from China to add to our family- which is great for my husband & I, as well as our daughter. If (when) something happens to us, we want her to have a sibling to rely on, count on, etc.

[jasonsmom]

Originally Posted by Happy2Bhere

If (when) something happens to us, we want her to have a sibling to rely on, count on, etc.

You can't count on that though. My mom needs to move from where she is into another assisted living facility. She and my sister do not speak and my brother lives 3000 miles away so everything falls to me. My brother and sister fought all the time growing up - not just sibling fighting, but all out brawls. I think it's great to have as many kids as you want but not to add to a family strictly because to give a child a sibling but that's just my opinion. I'd always wanted several kids. Before we started our adoption, I used to get so aggravated when people told me I was selfish not to have a sibling for our son.

[Happy2Bhere]

HI!
We basically want our daughter to have a sibling close in age. There is no guarantee they will be "close" but it would be nice for her to have someone to fight with, be close to, etc.
We're older parents, so it would be nice for her to have a sibling if/when something should happen to either of us.
Fighting is ok, too :-)

[MissyAmomChina]

Hi,

I think we need to make sure that the respect is flowing both ways on this topic. I believe everyone has been supportive about the desire to have an only child and the positive experience about being an only child. Conversely, there's nothing wrong if someone wants to have more than one child and sees the the positives in that as well. Just as there are benefits to being an only, there are benefits to having a sibling. One is not better than the other, but it's o.k. to feel that one situation is a better fit for your family.

[LisaAnn1170]

I agree that it's important to consider what's best for your family and for your child who is the "only" right now.

I am an only child and honestly, it is a bit sad to me that I don't have siblings, moreso now as an adult than when I was a child. I do feel like I'm missing out on something. Granted, there's no guarantee that any sibling relationship would be a positive one, but there was no opportunity for me. I also feel a lot of responsibility for my parents as they age. They need help and I'm their only resource. I now know why I'm part of the "sandwich generation!"

On the other side of this issue, I have an only child. By the time I was his age (nearly 4 years old), I made it clear to my parents I wanted a sibling. He has made it clear he does NOT! Again, this lends to my point that it's important to know what's best for your family and your child. (With that said, we hope he changes his mind!)

To add to this, I have to say that people have very strong feelings/opinions about only children. When people find out that I was raised alone, I'm often called "spoiled." What a sad judgement. Similarly, my well-intentioned MIL has told me that you're not a real parent unless you have more than one (because there's no squabbling). It's funny to me that parenting one child evokes such strong emotions and judgements.

Best wishes to you in your decision!

[Trace7]

Originally Posted by LisaAnn1170

To add to this, I have to say that people have very strong feelings/opinions about only children. When people find out that I was raised alone, I'm often called "spoiled." What a sad judgement. Similarly, my well-intentioned MIL has told me that you're not a real parent unless you have more than one (because there's no squabbling). It's funny to me that parenting one child evokes such strong emotions and judgements.

Yes, it's so strange how people have to have these judgments on others.

On Father's Day 2006 - around the time we realized that the wait for our first and only child was going to ber very long - AND I had just had my second surgery for Stage IV endo - my husband's very rude friend asked me if we would adopt again. I told him that no, due to long waits, cost, etc - we would just have one child. He has 3 daughters, and he told me that having one child "isn't parenting". I was so angry that I refused to talk to him after that. It took over a year, but he finally apologized to me. I have accepted his apology and he and my DH are friends again. But him saying that to me was one of the rudest things anyone has ever said to me in my life. Whether parenting one or 25, we are all parents and should all support each other.

My DH was an only, and he is about the least spoiled person that I know.

So yes, blanket statements like that certainly don't fit everyone! I am the youngest of 4, and I am definitely spoiled - LOL.