[Kama]

KareninCA made a very important point... You need to look into your heart and re-examine again your reasons to want to adopt from China (other than it is cheap compared to other programs). If you know in your heart that your child is in China, the wait will be easier, even if it does take a few years. When we started our process in Poland, we were discouraged in many different ways by many people and told it would be long, that we are too old, etc. etc. etc. We did have a backup plan (Ukraine), but we strongly felt about Poland and decided to stick with it despite what all the "experts" told us. Our process turned out to be fairly easy and not that expensive (independent adoption) and after a year in the process, we came home with two great kids.

[Trace7]

Originally Posted by sunshyne68ny

You're are not the only one having a hard time with the wait. I'm having a really hard time with it as well. I'm going to be 40 in March. I can't imagine waiting till 2010 or longer to have our first (and probably only child at that point) child. We are with a large China only agency as well. I believe they do allow concurrent adoptions, but we just can't afford to do a concurrent adoption unless we use the money we have saved (from a refi) for the China adoption for another country, and I really don't want to use that money (plus find another $10K or so) and then have to come up with the rest when our China referral comes around. We did almost switch to Vietnam when we thought we might not make the restrictions deadline, but we had already invested the money and emotions with China so we stuck with it. I guess we could drop from China and just find another country to adopt from, but still would need more money (and more total than China) and I'm just very reluctant to do that. I guess we wouldn't have to drop out until we get a referral from another country and are sure we can't afford a second adoption, but I don't know. It is very depressing. Nothing feels right to me except sticking with China.. hard to explain.

I've not been posting on this site for months. I am on some Yahoo groups but I haven't been posting to those either too much. I am doing a Secret Pal swap on one of the groups so I can't avoid it all together and it is making the time go by kinda fast.

Otherwise, I'm sad it's going to take so long, but I don't think we have any other options at this point. I always wanted 3 children, then it went down to at least 2 children. But it may only be one at this point and I want this child and if I have to wait 3 or 4 years so be it. I think.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Yes, I always wanted 3 children as well. But since the wait for #1 took 5 years (from TTC then seeing a IF specialist then doing one IUI to them deciding on adoption and then deciding on China and then waiting for DH to turn 30 and then our wait from LID to referral being 21.5 months), plus all of the money we have spent - it is looking Charlotte may be our only child - and that is totally fine with me as I feel SO BLESSED to have her. I am 36 now, and if we did adopt from China again it would not be for a few years, and then who knows what the wait might be.

I guess my point is - we really, really wanted to be parents first and foremost. Yes, our daughter ended up being from China - but honestly, if the China program had not seemed like a good fit for whatever reason, we would have looked at other countries. Mostly we just wanted a baby and to be a family. We were with a China only agency, and when the wait tripled before our eyes, we had to stick it out. But sticking it out for 21 months vs. 3-5 years is two different things. If the wait was going to be 3-5 years for us, I am not sure what we would do. We would probably look at another country and just eat what we had spent on the China program so far (and believe me, we are not wealthy by any means - so that would have been a very hard decision) or we would look at the waiting child program. Or, we would stick it out. And the only way I got through our long wait was leaning on my DH for a ton of support, and I also found a group of friends in town with a similar LID's (and some later ones) and we get together every so often. It is fun that some of our kiddos are finally coming home. Plus I attended an adoption support group which helped a ton.

Ready2bparents - please know that my heart hurts for you. I know you want to be parents, and I hope you find a way for that to happen someday - whether it be with China's NSN program, the SN program or another route.

[Ready2bparents]

Thank you again for the turn out of support and comments.

This is such a confusing time in our lives. Besides not knowing where we stand with parenthood, we are also faced with aging parents and another move. My husband's parents are in their early 80's and my FIL is not in the best health right now. Before we married, we both discussed that when the time came we would open up our home to them. The time is approaching. So on top of trying to decide what to do about our fate as parents, we will soon be the caretakers of my husband's parents. I was hoping to have our child home before this all happened. We're afraid that they won't be with us by the time we finally adopt.

Our last life dilemma is that we need to start planning for our next out of state move. (Related to hubby's job) We currently live in Florida and knew that this was a temporary place for us. We need to pick a state that we want to call home and don't know what to do! The move might not happen for a year or two, but we need to start planning for the transfer now and have to take into consideration his parents. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed with all of these decisions.

Sigh....

[PiperH]

Wow! That is a lot to deal with. I, too, have been taking a very active role in caring for my parents, so I know how time-consuming it is. But just take it a chunk at a time — kind of like the paperchasing — it's all overwhelming as a whole, but when you narrow your focus it can be done.
The one thing about the wait that drives me nuts is that I don't seem to be enjoying my life now because I'm always looking to the future, so don't forget to think about yourself!
Violet

[amyfk]

If you ever feel the need to "talk" please PM me. I remember the waiting for Russia. We didnt have a 3 or so year wait, but our process was 2 years and there was a lot of accreditation mess. At the time my dad went through prostate cancer tx and my MIL got sick, was hosptialized, and then died. So I can understand some of where you are coming from.
Take care of yourself,
Amy K, NJ

[richard p.]

I can understand your pain and frustration. I experienced the same in diffewrent ways. Back in 97 for our first there was not much of an internet or adoption support groups, so all you did was sit and wait for a letter or call from your agency. It was the longest 9 1/2 months of our lives. in 2005 we went for #2 and the wait was only 6 or 7 months when we started. Then the slowdown started to happen and then 6 months became 12 months and then 12 months became 15 1/2 months. Our paperwork expired and we missed our first travel date. At no time did we consider getting out, we knew that when it was all over we would have a wonderful healthy baby. You have come so far and even if the wait is 36 months (hopefully it will not) you can still do it again! Please beleive me when i say it is all sooooooooo worth it! best of luck to you.

[jenmart]

I just wanted to say that I haven't adopted from China, but always checked up on this forum since at one time we did look into China. But, we just brought home our beautiful 5 yr old daughter from Thailand. There are so many great kids just waiting for homes from there. If you are set on China and an infant, than the Thai program is not for you. But, if you are open to a slightly older child, a very affordable program that is a year or less, you can possibly check out Thailand. Initially, I never looked into Thailand since I just thought from what I read that it was a "2 yr wait". But, this is not the case, for the older SN waiting kids.
Anyway, Im not trying to take over the thread and go against adopting from China in anyway, but after seeing so many children waiting for homes in Thailand, I thought Id just suggest that option. Although, I notice many families adopting from China are looking to adopt an infant girl. But, I worked with an agency called AAI. They just got back with a waiting kids DVD. There are many young boys on there (2+) and a few young girls..
But, anyway, I just say stick with what your heart tells you. We were open to any country, and really were looking for the most affordable, but also wanted an older child. Good luck everyone!
Blessings
Jen

[Eve W]

Dear Ready2bparents,

I feel the same way. I am also 43 and my husband is 48. Our LID is October 12/07. We do not have any children. We are also questioning ourselves about trying another country. We would stay in China program and be even willing to wait 3 years, but we are afraid that in such a long time something my change in China program and it will stop. I hope that they would respect all the people that are LID already, but probably nobody can give us any guarantees. We are torn, because we already spent lots of money trying to have a biological child, then paying fees for domestic adoption, now partial payment for Chinese adoption. We do not know what to do. We do not have enough “working” years to pay for all the different adoption options to get one child.

Eve

[Norsk]

Originally Posted by jenmart

I just wanted to say that I haven't adopted from China, but always checked up on this forum since at one time we did look into China. But, we just brought home our beautiful 5 yr old daughter from Thailand. There are so many great kids just waiting for homes from there. If you are set on China and an infant, than the Thai program is not for you. But, if you are open to a slightly older child, a very affordable program that is a year or less, you can possibly check out Thailand. Initially, I never looked into Thailand since I just thought from what I read that it was a "2 yr wait". But, this is not the case, for the older SN waiting kids.
Anyway, Im not trying to take over the thread and go against adopting from China in anyway, but after seeing so many children waiting for homes in Thailand, I thought Id just suggest that option. Although, I notice many families adopting from China are looking to adopt an infant girl. But, I worked with an agency called AAI. They just got back with a waiting kids DVD. There are many young boys on there (2+) and a few young girls..
But, anyway, I just say stick with what your heart tells you. We were open to any country, and really were looking for the most affordable, but also wanted an older child. Good luck everyone!
Blessings
Jen

That's super! We just changed officially to Thailand today We have, however been told 2 1/2 years wait for NSN. But they also told us China would go way over Thailand in waiting times..