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Originally Posted By shawn

Has anyone ever traveled with a toddler around 2yrs old? I can't see sending my husband alone and even more, I can't see missing out on the journey and the first few days with my new daughter! I also CAN NOT leave my son for two weeks while my husband and I go half way around the world! HELP...any ideas? How bad is it REALLY to travel with a young child and come home with two?

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Every toddler is different. Think about your own in various situations -- for example:

1. Is your child an adventuresome eater? Or does he go nuts if he can't get macaroni and cheese in the blue box? While Western food is available in the top hotels in large cities, and while there may even be McDonald's and other fast food joints in some areas, you may or may not be heading to these places. And even when Western food is available, it may not taste at all familiar to a toddler used to Mom's home cooking. There is no way that you'll be able to pack two weeks' worth of toddler food, with everything else you will be hauling, and you won't have access to microwaves and such in any case. So unless you feel confident that your child will eat a lot of new foods willingly -- and that your child doesn't have a super sensitive tummy that may rebel against new foods, even if they are attractive, you may be asking for trouble if you bring your child to China.

2. Is your child a good sleeper? With jet lag, stress, and lots of exercise, you are going to be tired. And you may be acquiring a child who doesn't sleep well, to complicate matters. Do you really think that you will be able to cope if you bring along a toddler who keeps you up at night, who won't nap, who gets thrown for a loop when routines vary? Frankly, unless you have a very easygoing child who can sleep on planes, sleep in new cribs, nap on tour buses, and sleep through activity going on around him, consider not bringing him.

3. How is your child around crowds of strangers? Chinese streets are often crowded with people. The Chinese love Americans. The Chinese love children. The Chinese are fascinated by adoptive families. The Chinese, as a rule, do not have the same concept of personal space as most Westerners. They move in close, ogle babies, check to see if kids are dressed warmly enough, and so on. Some kids thrive on the attention. Others absolutely hate it or become terrified. How is your child likely to react in such a situation?

4. How healthy is your child? Is he the one who catches every bug going around the daycare center? Is he the one whose every minor sniffle develops into an ear infection, bronchitis, or worse? Does he have allergies or asthma? Does he/she have any other medical condition that may flare up or need attention? Does he kindly share all of his germs with Mom and Dad, so that they get frequent illnesses? Having a sick toddler at home is no picnic. Having a sick toddler and a new baby who may also be sick, when you may also be a little under the weather, and when you are all in one room of a Chinese hotel, can be Hell. Remember, too, that your pediatrician will be half a world away and that most of the medical personnel where you are will not be trained in the Western manner. If you have a child who is rarely ill, who isn't a royal pain when he is ill, and who has no special needs, you may do just fine, especially if you are confident in your ability to handle minor medical problems. Otherwise, you may be asking for trouble.

5. How do you REALLY think that your child will react to a new sibling? No matter how well you prepare a toddler for getting a new sibling, you can't be too sure how he will react, especially if he is currently the only child in the home. Let's face it, toddlers don't like to share Mom and Dad, don't like to share toys, don't really understand that babies won't be able to be playmates for a while, don't really empathize when babies cry all night. Some easygoing toddlers, with very loving, outgoing dispositions will do fine. Others will show major league regression to "baby" behaviors (loss of toilet training, for example), become excessively demanding, develop sleep problems, etc. Regression and similar behaviors are tough enough to deal with at home; they can be terrible on the road. (Do you really want to deal with two children in diapers?)

Also think about your travel situation.

1. Do you know your travel group? If so, how do they feel about travel with toddler? Will they be tolerant of your demands for potty stops? Will they fuss if your toddler fusses on the tour bus? Will they be annoyed if you demand only half day tours, so that you can keep your toddler on his nap schedule?

2. How much do you really want to see of your child's birth culture? Families doing a China adoption often want to do quite a bit of touring while they must wait for documents in their new child's city. Toddlers, on the other hand, may not want to go to museums, ride tour buses, dine on vegetarian foods at a Buddhist temple, and skip naps. Taking toddlers to China will often mean doing a lot less sightseeing.

3. Do you have the financial resources to pamper yourselves a little? Many adoptive families decide not to take a toddler to China for the simple reason that any child age two or older gets charged full price for an airplane seat and is not allowed to travel on a "lap" ticket. But even adoptive families who can afford an extra coach ticket for a toddler say that traveling in coach just isn't very comfortable when traveling with children; they strongly recommend business class (though my own perception is that business class travelers are often less tolerant of kids than coach passengers). Business class is expensive, especially if you are buying three seats instead of two.

Many adoptive parents who need to save money and are not traveling with toddlers choose the cheapest flights, not necessarily the shortest. Long flights and toddlers just don't go together. The flight to and from China, even by the shortest route, is not toddler-friendly; a family would do well to forget finding the cheapest fare, and find as direct a route as possible to minimize the trauma.

Many adoptive parents who are on a tight budget also ask to stay in "second tier" accommodations in China -- e.g., the Victory Hotel instead of the White Swan. Even 5-star hotels in China aren't quite like deluxe hotels in the U.S. Second tier accommodations can be very light on amenities, and may not be so great for a family with a toddler and a new baby. Can you afford the top hotels in cities like Guangzhou?

I'm sorry if all of the above sounds negative. I'm trying to be balanced. Some families DO take young children on the China trip and have a great time. But not every child or family will do well. Be honest with yourself.

My daughter is past toddlerhood, being 5.5 years old. She has always been a very sociable, easygoing child in most respects, and has always handled new situations with a great deal of maturity. She is also a good sleeper and very healthy. And I would love for her to return to China, the land of her birth. I also happen to enjoy her company immensely.

Still, I think that I would leave her home if I could adopt again. The main reason is that she is such a poor eater that she would consume almost nothing for two weeks, and make herself ill. I took her to stay with a friend North Carolina a year ago, for several days, and that is basically what happened, even though the foods that were available were not totally unfamiliar.

I also know, having done the China trip once, how stressful the first week or so with a new child can be. My daughter was emotionally shut down and physically ill when I met her. She needed 100% of my time and energy. I don't think that she would have bonded as quickly and well without it.

Of course, I am a single parent, so my situation is different from that of a couple where both spouses travel. Also, my daughter has stayed with other adults for several days, most notably when I shattered my kneecap a year after she came home, and had to undergo surgery. She has done very well on such occasions, and I trust the people with whom she has stayed.

So, as I said at the outset, travel to China with a toddler is a very personal decision. Every family is different; every child is different. Make a decision that is right for your family and your child.