[tampagal]

I'm just really discouraged and I need to vent. We've been through so much with the infertility and all and now the wait is 2 years going on 3. We're not getting any younger. It's so disappointing that the wait is so long. It makes me wish we had picked another country and we can't switch countries because we have a China only agency. I guess I just have to focus on believing that everything happens for a reason- it's hard sometimes. Any feedback or helpful advice or anything is appreciated.

[specialk4b]

I really don't have any advice because I find myself in the same position. It's so hard because the wait times seem to stretch longer and longer, putting our adopton further and further into the future.

Sending hugs your way: (((tampagal)))

[oleson1]

First of all, let me send you a big HUG

I don't want to give you false hope, but I do know this about China. They are famous for going in cycles. They will go really slowly in their referrals and everyone will think that they know that it will be "X" years or months before they will get their referral. Then, without any real explanation, the process will speed up.

We, unfortunately, were on the start of the downturn of the cycle. Our process took longer than expected. I guess what I am saying is to expect the worst, but hope for the best and lean on all of us here for support in the mean time!

[ttcasey]

tampagal,
we are right there with you, waiting for the long haul....

[tampagal]

Thanks for the hugs guys. I need them.

Sometimes I wish I was Angelina Jolie and got special treatment and could move things along faster. Life is not fair sometimes. I wish we had started this process sooner but I can't look back- I can only look forward. I live in a neighborhood where most people have children and we have none so it makes it more difficult. Thanks again for everyone's support.

[KarenInCa]

This sounds so cliche, I know, and you can roll your eyes if you must....But, our daughter is such a perfect fit in our family dynamics. She fits her name (cadence) to a tee. And she fits our family so well. It's as if her little spirit was waiting to be born so she could find her path home. She took the long way home, but she came to us. There have been discussions in the past as to whether a child is destined to be with you or if it's just chance. But it all fits so well, I can't imagine it being chance with us.
Hang in there.
Chances are, your daughter is still waiting to be born.

[Lissa]

I have no magic words, but I sympathize. Many hugs and hold on to your hope. Your child needs you to be strong.

[Karen in MT]

Hugs to you. I think we all have been discouraged at different times. I probably don't have magic words either. But I do know that China goes in cycles too. Also, I started looking at "the glass half full!" You are LID! That is fantastic! Start keeping track of the goals each month and you will start to realize how quickly they roll by. We ourselves are over 10 mo, LID. We have kept busy and time is ticking. Hang in there and keep looking at how far you have come. We are here for you! -Karen

[Kdall]

Hi Tampagal -

Sending you lots of hugs as I know this has to be tough! I am just starting the process, home study is next week and I know we have a long road ahead of us too. We also have a China only agency and I'm really hoping China speeds up the process a bit soon for all of our sanity sake.

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

[Dan_C]

You could look into a SN adoption. We should be done with ours in about 10 months total time, all in 2007! There are alot of Sn kids out there that need families badly, really worse than the healthy kids. Heck the healthy kids have people willing to wait years for them, some SN kids never get adopted. There are alot of SN issues that are very minor. If you looked into the eyes of a little girl or boy that only needed minor corrective surgery, and turned your back on them because they were "flawed" you have a stronger will than me! But I know this is a difficult and personal choice.

[KarenInCa]

Originally Posted by Dan_C

There are alot of Sn kids out there that need families badly, really worse than the healthy kids. Heck the healthy kids have people willing to wait years for them, some SN kids never get adopted.

Dan, I appreciate your position. But it's really sad for both. People are willing to wait years, but the young healthy ones grow up, and still have no families. We specifically requested an older toddler for both of our girls, because actually, a lot of healthy kids are left behind too. With our first daughter, she was 17 months when we received her, and when we went back to the orphanage, there were too many children left behind that looked perfectly healthy, and had grown out if the cute baby stage.
Im definitely not saying any one way is better. Kids find families either way. Im just saying that it's hard on all the children.
One child looked to be around 7 yrs old and was fixing her clothes when she saw us coming during our orphanage visit. It was very obvious that she was hoping that if she fixed her clothes just right, and looked super cute that we were going to come back for her.
Later, we inquired with the Yahoo orphanage group and found out that she was in deed adopted a few months back. All I could think of was that ONE day, she was fixing her clothes and her forever family really WAS coming to get her.
To be quite honest, there are probably as many (if not more) healthy children that have grown out of the AYAP stages then minor SN children.

[lovemybulldog]

I have shed many tears lately for the people I've come to call my friends and the emotional pain that they are going through. Tampagirl, not only are you the namesake of my favorite US City, but you are bravely coming forward with a vent that just about everyone is feeling right now. It's kind of like that slow click up to the apex of a roller coaster....with every click, they seem to come slower...and it feels like you'll die of fear and anticipation before getting to the top... but equally anxious of the scary plummet down the other side. You can't get out and you can't go forward any faster than the car will carry you. Now, if only that woman behind you would quit screaming.

All I can say is the annoying cliche...hang in there... and know that on the days when it feels like no one understands what you're going through, there are thousands out there that do... reach out and we'll all be here. RQ has a great vent section where it's OK to be inappropriate at times when you just need to get it out. I've also taken to paper journaling the Fred Flintstone way...you can always tear it up and flush it if you need to.

Since we are on the SN path, we have a different timeline, but I often find myself grieving for everyone in the long NSN line. It doesn't seem fair that everyone be put through this... but as so many others have said, these kids are worth it, and many of them waiting longer for us than us for them.

Just breathe, vent, yell, cuss, cry... all at once if necessary, and know that one big global hug comes at you through your monitor every time you log on here. (someone somewhere is making a gag motion at their screen, I'm sure)

Best wishes to you and your family. You are in my thoughts today.

[edensmommy]

We are all right there with you. It is soooo frustrating.

Have you thought of doing another adoption while waiting for your baby from China? That may be an option depending on if your China only adoption agency allows it. I know mine does. DH is not convinced on having FOUR children so right now we are just waiting and waiting and waiting for our third.

Hang in there.

[mom3boys]

I really find that I go through cycles with the whole wait thing. There are times when I can't possibly imagine that we have more than another year to wait and at other times it feels okay. I usually get the most depressed just after referrals come out. I have seen all the cute babies and none of them are mine and I realize that they didn't get as far as I had hoped. I then usually feel better as I'm hoping for better numbers before referrals. It's a crazy roller coaster, much harder than my pregnancies. It is all so emotional. Adoption is definitely not for the faint of heart!
Marjorie

[jasonsmom]

{{{Hugs}}} I don't have any magic words but I sympathize with you. Hang in there.

Paula