[Karenanne]

My husband and I plan on announcing to our families at the end of July that we are going to adopt from China. We have talked about it a while ago but I know they will be surprised. I told my sister yesterday because I just can't keep any secrets from her. I know she is happy for us but she was kind've like "oh that's nice" and that was it. She was more excited when I announced I was pregnant both times.(both ending in miscarriage). I wish I would get the same reaction when I announced my pregnancies. What was the reaction of your familes when you announced your adoption plans?

[prechrswife]

Our situation is different because we adopted first, but everyone was very excited for us when we announced our plans. We had tossed the idea of adoption around for awhile when we were unsuccessfully TTC, so I don't think anyone was that surprised. They were just happy for us.

They were equally happy when we announced our pregnancy. We did get a lot of laughter, though, since this was unexpected and we found out when we had been home from China with dd #1 for a little over 2 months.

[amyfk]

I was never pregnant in any way shape or form so I cant speak from that experience. However, at first my parents weren't onboard with our idea to adopt. It bothered me. Once my baby came home and they got to know her, they became crazy about her! Im sure your family will too!
Amy K, NJ

[jasonsmom]

My family absolutely loves my daughter but I definitely got more initial excitement from them when I announced my pregnancy. I think their initial response to my adoption announcement was confusion but they got over it.
Paula

[PiperH]

Our families' reactions: It's about time!

[bookaya]

We just recently told both our families. My brother, sister in law, and uncle were extremely happy for us. My mom was very shocked and had a negative reaction at first. That has since gotten better, but I still feel she doesn' truly agree with it.

My DH's family was happy. At first they started sending us emails about the negative storys on China adoption, which hurt us quite a bit. But my mother-in-law is warming up to the idea. Of course, she hates to have to wait so long, especially since we just got started on everything.

This would be the first grandchild from either one of her sons. My DH"s brother didn't have any kids and this is my DH's first marriage with no kids. I'm 48 years old and already have 3 adult children from my prior marriage. My daughters are so excited about getting a baby sister, but again the wait.

All in all, I think the reaction was favorable and I think once she's here, she'll be absolutely adored!

[sakelley]

Considering our families had given up all hope for us ever having children, they were extremely excited. After we brought her home, my family is still excited and spoil her like crazy, but my in-laws basically have nothing to do with our daughter (live 3 miles from us and haven't seen her since Christmas).

[elemomma]

When I announced our pregnancies, everyone was over joyed. However, our adoption announcement was a different story too. My mom started telling me every negative story of adoption that she has ever heard of. I could tell she wasn't really on board. However, once she told her friends, and they thought it was "cool", then she was all excited. (this made me mad) My dad on the other hand told me that children weren't like dogs, and I couldn't just go to the pound and pick one out. I told him that when I got a dog from the pound, I was able to make an impulse decision, and bring home what I picked out that day. I then explained to him that this was a long process, and that in the end, I wasn't picking out anything, that I would be accepting whatever God picked for us. I further explained that every aspect of our lives had been examined, and that I was doing what I felt called to do. He grumbled, I gathered my kids and immediately left. To make a long story short, he now adores Eleenah. I think she may even be his favorite.

So, don't worry about the reactions now. Some reactions are fueled by fear that it won't work out, some are fueled by race, which often times is over come once a child is home, some are fueled by jealousy, that you are venturing to do something they only thought about doing, some are fueled by love, which is what we are often looking for. And yes, the negative reactions hurt, but, try to figure out their motivation for their reaction, then it will help you a little more to figure out how to process it.

Also, let me personally say, that I am very excited for you!

[lovemybulldog]

We never announced a pregnancy and although I never talked about it, our families and friends all knew that I had health issues that could clearly point to complications. I think everyone expected us to be a childless couple, because to be honest, we were not really "other people's kids" people. Sorry, your child probably would have given me a headache 2 years ago. I think most people assumed that after 11 years, we didn't want kids, which wasn't true. We just weren't done doing selfish things yet.

Something shifted for both of us about the time we celebrated our 9th or 10th year of marriage and we just knew it was time... SO, when we told our families, they were very excited. However, after our big reveal, there was this lull where no one asked, it never came up in conversation, etc. I was devestated. I felt like no one cared and my mind raced thinking that it was an ethnic or adoption related reason, or the fact that we were planning to go SN/toddler.... Until one day I was with my dad in Costco and he said out of the blue "You should get 2 so he'll have a buddy" (as if these were puppies). In his funny, if not twisted way, he was saying "Get that kid home so I can have a grandson".

I also got the emails of adoption disasters, questions about the dying rooms, comments about doing it to be trendy, Angelina jokes...etc. etc. That is part of the uphill climb, I guess. It will be more than worth it end the end...

...So to quit rambling and get to the point, our announcement went great, all things considered and everyone except for a few ignorant coworkers has been phenomenal. I have support that I never knew existed. One coworker that I'm not even that close with offered to donate a week's vacation to me. That made me cry. Big ugly makeup killing tears in the ladies room 30 minutes before a presentation. That's the good stuff that makes it all worth it.

Sorry to get OT. I'm having one of those OT kinda days!

[joyfulme3x]

I've announced 3 pregnancies and 2 adoptions. Each time, our families and friends have been equally excited, happy, and supportive. My mom always has a slightly different reaction though--she loves us dearly and is so afraid that we (and she) will get hurt if something goes wrong (as it did once when I had a miscarriage) that with every announcement, and pretty much until the child arrives (pregnancy or adoption) she says things like, "Oh that's nice, I hope it works out" or "This is great news--if all goes well." She is just protecting her heart I guess and trying to encourage us to protect ours too. Once each child arrives though she is head over heels in love and the most enthusiastic Grandma a child could hope for.

I think sometimes with adoption in particular (or with pregnancy when a family has a history of pregnancy problems) people don't quite know what to say when the impending arrival is announced. They may be very happy and excited but they feel they can't get "too" excited because they fear it may not work out. That probably explains some people's less-than-enthusiastic reactions.

[jaenelle]

I've never been pregnant (we've never tried) so I don't know what that would have been like.

I do know, though, that my SIL announced her pregnancy about a month before DH and I decided to adopt. My in-laws were over the moon about it -- and when we decided to adopt and told them, we barely got a "that's nice."

It just isn't fair, but I don't know why people do that.

[thundrrds]

I have nothing to compare an announcement to. The one thing I would just suggest is are you and your husband ready for people to be asking about 'when are you going to China....' for at least 2 years (even more according to some agencies); or if it's still a few months til you're 30 than add some more time on to it....
I personally couldn't have 'taken' the questions for 2 or 3 years......
at least when announcing a pregnancy you know when the baby is due

Joanne

[Mailbox13]

We were very lucky. Our families were very excited about both of our adoptions. We could not have done the second one without help from my very generous inlaws.

One of the things I learned is that adoption is outside of the "normal" life experience for most people. This means that they know very little about it and, therefore, don't understand it. People fear what they don't understand.

I have also found that people are a sucker for a cute child. It is a shame that you have an additional burden or trial to deal with considering how difficult adoption is. However, I bet attitudes will change once everyone meets your beautiful baby.

[devildogwife]

DH and I announced 1 of 2 pregnancies (both ended in miscarriage). People were absolutely thrilled for us. When I miscarried, though, those people disappeared, but that's another story. When we announced our adoption (other than to our parents), it was awful. One of my grandmothers immediately began talking about RAD. We got very few congratulations, instead people wanted to question me on my fertility. It was disgusting. People were definitely NOT as excited at all compared to the other times I was pregnant.

[ladybug11]

We got an amazing reaction from my DP - they were thrilled and relieve that we were done TTC. They were all over the idea of adoption and thus were extremely supportive.

My IL's were another story. First we told MIL and she was a bit surprised, but warmed up to it. She didn't want me to get pg again (we lost our daughter at 23 weeks). So the idea of adoption was better in her eyes...sort of. FIL was OK with it...he was more concerned with the expense.

The rest of my family have been incredibly supportive!