[Happy2Bhere]

Anyone catch the Dr Phil show today?
I didn't watch it all- but it was the lady who gave up her twins, then kidnapped them. The few minutes I saw I DID NOT LIKE! The lady kept saying the babies were HERS & that the adoptive mom is not the mom- she is the mom. Dr Phil said he didn't take sides, but it was 100% ONLY the birthmom & her attorney.
I agree- some birthmoms must really regret their decision, and that is SO sad, but the law is the law- and after she signed off, and realized her decision- then she kidnaps them, and now gets visits weekly, and they are in court.
She kidnapped them, but now claims she didn't want to sign off on the adoption & wants them back.
International MUST be the way to go!
I think Dr Phil MUST be for birthparents over the adoptive parents the way his attitude is on the subject.
Just wanted to hear what everyone else had to say.
I know most on this board are doing China adoption- but as someone who has had a domestic adoption- stories like this really hurt!

[lovemybulldog]

I'm actually watching it now, and, while I think this is better posted to the domestic adoption boards, I think Dr. Phil took a neutral stance because there is no legal finding yet as to whether the adoption was completed or not. I just feel for those kids, regardless of what happened and why, they are obviously being put in the middle of a big mess.

[angelkisses0102]

There really was a lot involved in this case...Allison Quets' case is very complicated...including the fact that she had hyperemesis. There are also some ethical concerns with how the adoption was handled...

[aunlanpo]

Most states allow at least a couple days to change your mind... but not in her case. The law there doesn't allow even a moment...

Her illness effected her thinking. After she stabilized, she realized that she had made a terrible mistake. Not months later, or weeks, or even days, but hours later. That's not fair to birth moms. I have a lot of compassion for those mothers.

Wanting to go International so that we can pretend that the child doesn't have biological parents, only us, doesn't seem right. Wanting to go International to minimize our heartache, I understand, but there is still a risk in any adoptive situation. I think we should try to see these mothers from a place of love for them, rather than from our fear. That woman is still their mother. What if it was you? If you had successfully had a baby with IVF, like her, and the pregnancy caused a mind altering illness for a time, the illness plunged you into a place of desperation and hoplessness. And then later, you "came to"?

[oleson1]

What I saw of the show, I didn't feel that there was negativity against adoptive parents.

I DID feel that it was a bad situation. This birthmom made some really bad choices -- fleeing with the kids. I also felt the way the adoption was handled didn't seem on the "up and up". The birthmom called 911 from the lawyers office the second she signed the paper and understood what it was saying that she wanted the paper back. My heart goes out to the kids who are in the middle of the controversy and the adoptive parents whe seemed to know nothing more than that they had been granted the gift of parenthood that they so longed for.

Honestly, right or wrong, this is part of the reason that we chose the China program. We knew that this was not something we would deal with there. All children are found to be abandoned (CCAA words not mine... ). We knew, especially with 2 young boys at home already, it would be devastating to become emotionally invested in a child that would either never come home at all or be taken from us days after getting there.

I, personally, am a fan of Dr. Phil. He really gets people talking about tough subjects.

[twoinblue]

I didn't see the show but I read a thread on it and birth mothers are seeing this woman as a type of victim/hero. They approved of the way Dr. Phil was treating her in that he wasn't belittling her.

Stories like this have no good ending.

[Happy2Bhere]

I didn't see the show- just caught snippets of it- but I thought it was unfair to have one side, that's all.

My daughter has the most wonderful birthmom in the entire world- she is family- I would not have been able to complete the adoption even after it was too later for her to change her mind- if I knew she had regrets. I love her & have the most compassion for her of anyone!

Internationally- I only meant that these children WANT & NEED homes, and there isn't any issues with birthmoms feeling bad later.

I love my daughters birthmom- I hold her in such high regard, and I advocate for birthmoms all the time! I just didn't like how the birthmom said the adoptive parents aren't her parents- cause they are, too-

Like I said- I didn't catch it all, but the tone I got from Dr Phil was that he was on her side, that's all. I would have posted the same if it was just the adoptive parents. You need both sides of the story.

Sorry to hit a nerve!

Melissa