[meg1]

I have a friend in the process of adopting from China. She just discovered that she is pregnant. She is afraid that something might happen with the pregnancy (things have in the past) and so she was wondering when would be the best time to tell her agency - before review so that things could be updated (she is still "months' from review) and with the current LID to referral/travel the baby will be about 1 when her little one from China would be able to come home. She had been told that CCAA would want the other children in the home for 1 year - Has anyone else been in this position and what did you do?

[Simbela]

We were LID on 3/7/06, and are happily expecting a baby by pregnancy 7 weeks from now. Our agency was just wonderful-- so happy for us and very supportive. We had actually talked to them when we started trying to conceive, and they just asked that we keep them informed of events. We told them when we were 12 weeks pregnant. Once we established that both we and they were fully interested in going ahead with the adoption, they asked that we update our homestudy now, and then we'll meet again with our social worker a few months after this first baby is born to make sure we are still ok-- emotionally, financially, etc-- with bringing a second baby home. Our agency does offer the option of delaying our application by 6 months, too-- which, for logistic reasons, we may end up doing, but won't activate that delay until our application gets closer to the Matching Room. Right now, it looks like the kids will be about the same age, arriving into the family a year apart.

Good luck to your friend!

[chinagirl2006]

I believe China requires your youngest child be at least 12 months old before adopting.

[mom3boys]

Every agency is different about this stuff. My agency requires that you not be trying to conceive while in the adoption process. I believe that if you become pregnant then that adoption process stops. I'm not sure, however, what they are saying about this now that the waits for China have become so long.
Marjorie

[prechrswife]

The 12 month age difference thing is for those with a LID after May 1 of this year, so if your friend has a LID, the CCAA should be fine. The question is with her agency. Some agencies are fine with pregnancy during the wait, but some require you to put things on hold. I have a friend who has a November 2006 LID, and just gave birth to a baby girl in March. Their agency did not require them to go on hold, but some others would have.

[Trace7]

It is an agency-specific thing - our agency says to contact them if this happens and they will advocate for you.

I won't be getting PG, though - so it's a moot point for me

[sak9645]

Actually, the best time to talk to your agency about such a matter is before you sign up with it. Since agencies vary greatly in their policies regarding pregnancy, it is important to select one that has a policy which makes you comfortable.

Some agencies will insist that a person stop an adoption process completely if she becomes pregnant. They don't want a situation where a person winds up with a newborn and a newly adopted child at the same time, because they want each to have some special bonding time. They also don't want to see preference for one child over the other, and they don't want the family to be unduly stressed by having two young children at once.

In fact, a few agencies want couples to use birth control if there is any remote chance that they might become pregnant, while the adoption is in process. They want the couple to have a true commitment to adoption, and not still to be trying to conceive.

However, because so many women come to adoption because of difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term, many agencies will tell a person simply to put the adoption "on hold" for a few months. If a miscarriage occurs, then the agency can reinstate the adoption and the person doesn't have to go through the whole process from the beginning. And if the pregnancy seems to be going well, then they can ask the person to withdraw from the adoption process.

As far as withdrawing from the process, many agencies prefer not to place a child with a family until a biological child is at least a year old, or until a previously adopted child has been home a year. They like to see both parents and first child have an adjustment period, before a second child joins the mix. So it's not just China that talks about wanting a year between adoptions, or between a birth and an adoption.

Some agencies' reactions to pregnancies during the adoption process are governed by how far into the adoption process a woman is when she discovers she is pregnant. While many agencies will ask a woman to withdraw from the process or to put an adoption on hold if she is in an early stage of the adoption when she becomes pregnant, they may let the adoption proceed if she is close to referral or, especially, if she already has a referral.

When a person has a referral, she feels that she is already the mother of the child whose picture she is carrying around; therefore, asking her to give up that child because of pregnancy feels cruel and heartless.

And then there are agencies that don't make any sort of fuss if a woman becomes pregnant during the adoption process, unless the foreign country has an explicit policy stating that the adoption must be put on hold for this reason. They just let nature take its course. They do not care if the parents wind up with a newborn and an adopted one year old at the same time, as long as the parents feel they can handle two children.

In some cases, where the foreign country is not comfortable with having an adoption right before or after a birth, and where both parents don't have to travel, agencies have actually told pregnant women to stay home and let their husbands travel, if they are already "showing", lest the foreign authorities decline to let the parents adopt. I'm not saying that it is ethical or appropriate to circumvent a foreign government's rules that way, but it has been done.

Needless to say, a pregnancy is a major life event. Technically, any life event should trigger a homestudy update. The homestudy update MUST be given to the state and the USCIS and hand carried to the U.S. Consulate for the visa appointment.

Most agencies don't send an update to the CCAA unless there is some change that affects a person's eligibility either positively or negatively. As an example, if a person got a new job at a huge increase in salary, the agency might want China to know, if the prior income seemed a little "iffy". If a person is diagnosed with colon cancer, winds up in drug rehab, etc., China is supposed to be told, since these situations will cause the CCAA not to place a child with the family. But if the family moves to a new home, and the homestudy update shows no issues, it is a judgment call whether the CCAA needs to know. Should pregnancy be disclosed? Again, this is an ethical question.

In short, your friend needs to find out the agency's policy. Obviously, she may not want to ask the agency directly, if she suspects it will automatically stop her from proceeding, even though she might have a miscarriage.

Your friend should try to find other families who used her agency, and see what they were told about pregnancy, if they asked this question or became pregnant during the adoption process. This can help her make an informed decision about what to tell her agency, and when.

Sharon

[Peterc]

We were halfway through the paperwork when we found out that we were pregnant. We discussed what we should do and decided to let it become an issue with CCAA or the agency if it needed to be. We were ready to take care of two babies if we needed to. We ended up losing the baby at about 17 weeks (for the seventh time, hence the adoption). Luckily for us we continued with the paperwork and didn't lose the 17 weeks we could have.

I might be more militant than most but I don't see it as something the agency or CCAA need to know. It wouldn't be much different than having twins.

Peter