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Originally Posted By Mother to be

My husband and I are in the middle of adopting from China. We have shared our plans with family and friends and while our friends have been very supportive my parents have not. I know part of it is them getting used to the idea that we can't have our own children, but I know my father would rather us adopt from another Asian country other than China. He has no basis for this other than a general (and racist perception) of the chinese people and culture. This is causing major problems for me, but my husband and I both feel that we are meant to adopt from China and there is a special little baby waiting there for us.
Has anyone else experienced rejection / resistance from family members, and if so what did you do?
We want this to be an exciting time for us to share with our families but feel as though in creating our own family we stand to lose the ones we have. We live in Australia where the process is government controlled and very lengthy so I feel like we need all the emotional support we can get.

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Originally Posted By China Mom

Both sets of grandparents were hesitant when we announced our plans to adopt from China. My husband's father repeatedly told us it was not a good idea and with 3 children, we should leave well enough alone. Well, all it took was for everyone to meet our daughter. She was absolutely destined to be a part of our family and now is the belle of the ball at all family gatherings! Good luck to you!

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Originally Posted By Sandy

Oh boy! Have I been there, done that!!! Telling my mom of our plans to adopt was one of the most horrible things I have ever experienced! He hurt me terribly with her reaction. I got the typical response from her "why when you can have your OWN kids, can you afford it, why not a child from HERE" etc etc. It was so upsetting to me that I was physically ILL for about two days after that. Her reaction was like I had told her that I was going to divorce my husband and join a cult or something when all I want to do is to love a child. UGH! It was horrible but we got a little past it. Basically they are at the point now where they accept it but are still not happy about it. They were just down here for a week and said NOTHING about it the whole time. IT is like they are still in a bit of denial. I think that it may just take some time and when it becomes REAL and the child is here with us, I hope that my mom will love the child as much as her bio. grandchildren. Anyway, I so totally understand how you feel. My mom and I are so close yet I get MUCH more support from total strangers on this subject.

would love to email if you would like
sandycales@hotmail.com

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Originally Posted By Angelica

Maybe this whole process is meant for good. Negative thoughts will turn around, and love will replace those harsh feelings. Sometimes people have to go through an experience that is placed on them, one they did not seek out, in order for them to have their fears and upset feelings assuaged. I'd say, just stand your ground, and nicely but firmly tell them "this is the way it is going to be. I hope you can share my joy". I suspect a little bit of prejudice there, too. Are they from the WWII generation?

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Originally Posted By TMS-R.N.

Most grandparents come around with time. My mother the gt. grandmother thought the baby didn't have a leg on one picture, other gt. grandma sure there would be problems?? when my daughter had adopted a biracial baby, a caucasian and then a chinese baby my father said "and people will think you were sleeping with 3 different men!!" The 4th gt. grandparent- said maybe you will have your own someday...and later he said you have sure paid your dues...What dues???These are 70-80 year olds from WWII and a different era...but they all love these very beautiful special children despite the misgivings they had and the cruel and weird thoughts they once had... I went to China with them for 1st adoption and paternal grandparents went to China when son-in-law's sister adopted a chinese daughter. 99% will adjust and love unconditionally when they bond to the child, if they don't it is their GREAT LOSS. But for you there will be great JOY anyway. TMS. an R.N. Grandma to 5 adopted grandchildren.