[sunshyne68ny]

I feel as though I am frozen in indecision. Over analyzing even possible direction, every "Plan B". While I believe that all the delays and bumps in the road will lead me to the child we are supposed to have, I'm having a hard time giving up control of how that happens. Let me explain a bit..(and thank you in advance for letting me vent!)

We are trying to make our agency's deadline of 4/13. Of course we are at the point where it's all out of our hands. Our HS is almost done(with the exception of the clearances), most of our paperwork is authenticated already. Although our HS agency sent NYS our fingerprinting cards on 1/3, they were sent back because NYS changed some policy which requires NYS fingerprint cards and FBI fingerprint cards as of 1/11. So we had to go get an additional card done at local police station (which we did same day we got them and fedex'd back same day). PLUS they are saying the processing time which was about 4 weeks is now 6-10 weeks!! That could very possibly be our dealbreaker. If the clearances take 6 weeks, finalize the HS report, then USCIS fingerprint appt is 2 weeks (I'm on Long Island, NY) then I171H is another 4 weeks(from what I hear is 4-6 weeks in NY), we are talking about the end of the week of the deadline, 4/13. I'd still have to run out to NYC to last docs state cert and authenticated at consulate, but that could be done in 1 day. If the clearances don't come back at minimum of 6 weeks I am not sure if we should even attempt USCIS.

If we don't meet the deadline we'll probably try Vietnam, but we have to change agencies and loose about $3500. I also am having some doubt about the wait times with China, hearing 20-24 month rumors are kind of sickening. Even on one agency site I read the wait time for a baby girl in Vietnam is 18-24 months and 6-12 months for a boy, so although I always wanted a daughter, I might end up with a son and that is fine, but I feel like I am mourning the daughter I was planning on with China.

Ok enough rambling! Basically, I am wondering if I should "jump ship" now and apply with another agency for Vietnam and start that process or just wait to see how long the clearances really take (since I need that anyway for the HS) and if in 6 weeks or less, then still take a risk with USCIS getting done on time.

I'd hate to make the "wrong" decision. What if my daughter really is in China and I change programs too soon? Or maybe I am supposed to change for my son in Vietnam? I'm just very lost right now.

[specialk4b]

I don't know what to tell you. I'm so sorry you're in this sticky spot. Does your agency think you can make it? I guess if it were me and I stood to lose $3500, I would at least try to make it.

(((((Chris))))) - hugs to you and I hope you find peace with your decision.

[z-mommy8]

Hi Chris,

I feel your frustration and uncertainty...you are definitely not alone! This is so difficult because so much of this paperchase is out of our control. I do believe that things will work out the way that they are supposed to, so I hope that you can find some comfort in that. I hate to say it, but the wait for those of us currently logging in could be as long as 36 months based on the current backlog and current and historical pace of processing. Have you considered Kazakhstan? If I couldn't go with China, I would definitely go there. More expensive, but healthy babies that need homes, just next door to China and you can have your child home within about a year. I hope that you can find some peace during this trying time.

Take care!

[tbrown0428]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. If I was in your situation I would speak with my agency and then give it a try anyway. You are in my prayers, don't give up on China, I say. Big hugs from Texas!

[cooperbabe]

Honestly, at this point, I'd stick with your current plan. If you're with the agency I think you are, I know they will do everything in their power to help.

Plus, I think you have nothing to lose right now (except time into the Vietnam process) My best guess is the major money you've put out has been the first agency fee and your HS fee. Your second agency fee isn't due until you submit your dossier so I say keep fighting the good fight!

[lovemybulldog]

I want to send you the biggest hug ever and let you know that you ARE NOT ALONE in your fears and frustrations. You can vent, cry, scream, etc. anytime here or via PM. I found this quote about Thomas Edison and I thought it was appropriate to this situation. You have to inevitably make the decision to jump ship or keep going, but with money, dreams, hopes, and sanity on the line, if I were in you shoes I would take cues from the agency and try up to the end. If, on April 30th at 11:59pm it is evident that it wasn't in the cards, that would be when I would make a decision. Everyone's situation, gut feel, and prayer factor will be different. It's just me... Hang in there and know that we are all pulling for you, regardless of the direction you go. Keep your sights on the prize...your precious child!

"After struggling to develop a viable electric light-bulb for months and months, Thomas Edison was interviewed by a young reporter who boldly asked Mr. Edison if he felt like a failure and if he thought he should just give up by now. Perplexed, Edison replied, "Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp." And shortly after that, and over 10,000 attempts, Edison invented the light bulb."

[sunshyne68ny]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement!

Last week we did talk to the agency about the change in NYS policy and how long that could take and they basically said that it's still possible if we get the HS done in time and if USCIS cooperates, 2 HUGE "ifs". They did tell us they will not be accepting any paperwork after 4/13, if we wouldn't quailfy after May 1st.

I guess I'm also worried about even if we make the deadline, the wait is going to be close to 2 years if not 3years as someone mentioned earlier. This will be my first child and 2-3 years is a long time to wait (when I've already waited years). I'm wondering if it might be best to change programs and have a baby boy within a year and then either try to go back to China for #2 (if I then meet the requirements) or even back to Vietnam. At least then I'd be occupied with a child and the wait won't be as much torture (at least in my mind).

In the end I think we will at least wait to see how long it takes to get our clearances back, and then go from there. I am researching Vietnam agencies just in case in the meantime.

Thank you for all your warm words! I'm glad I'm not in this alone!

[lovemybulldog]

Chris,

If you are willing to consider a child with a manageable special need, it might be a good fit for your family. There are so many kids out there with needs that are easily correctable or pose little difficulty to leading a relatively normal life. We never would have considered it until I picked up some info about the WC program at our agency...I was shocked at some of the things considered special needs. There are some people on the boards with tons of BTDT knowledge on this topic.

We figure that if we find our child between now and May 1 and are DTC or LID by May 1, we should be traveling sometime near or during the fall.

Good luck!

[KarenInCa]

Our agency has absolutely confirmed that the deadline of May 1st with China is the date CCAA receives the documents, not the LID (which could take a couple of weeks after receiving the docs).
The agencies send the documents via fedEx, and it normally takes no more than 3 days from the US to China, so even though your agency has it's own deadline, it's possible that, due to the unforseen circumstances, your agency would send your docs later than the deadline they are giving you, by another week. They definitely COULD send your docs to China a week later, but it would be up to the director if they WOULD. I would push it if I had to.
Also, if you send a cover letter to CIS for expedited fingerprinting, explaining your situation, the person at intake might push your paperwork forward. I have a few friends that did that for SN children, and they were fingerprinted extra fast.

[NaturalizedCT]

I would hang in there and see if you make the deadline. Wosrt case you have delayed a Vietnam adoption by a few months.

I know you are anxious to get a child home but right now I would just focus on the China deadline. Looking too far ahead could get very depressing.

[Sheba]

I would stick with China. We are just dtc for our new daughter and our agency is not yet commenting on more than really an 18 month wait. They really do not think it will go out past that. I know our heart is with China and although the wait is going to be longer this time, I feel my daughter is there and will wait!

Good luck and hugs.

PS> Our agency has qoutes of 12mths for a girl from Vietnam. Hmm

[mom23boys]

Chris- Hang in there. I am also from LI and think you will be able to make it all in. Just stay on top of the SW to get your HS done asap and when you are fingerprinted- you can call the NYC USCIS office on Wed mornings- I believe 9-1 pm and talk to Mr. Hernandez about the status of your 171H. We walked everything through the certifications in one day after we recieved our 171H. Just remember to get the county done before you head to the state. My dh almost forgot but caught himself in the car. He literally woke up and went from place to place like a mad man- but he got it done in one day. Also- the authentication for same day at the Consulate is 50 dollars per document. So expect the larger fees for fast- same day service. I believe for same day service all the documents have to be in before 11- 11:30 am. Not positive about this though- it has been awhile.

As for the new FBI clearnace- never heard about it. I have to refile my 1600A as my 171H will expire in October. I think we will do all that stuff in the summer. I guess my SW will fill me in on what to do then.

As for the wait- well- I am still banking on 24 months for my May LID. I just do not see how they are going to make it through the bigger months coming up any faster than what they have done for the past year. So while I am hoping for 18-20 months as a wait- I think I have to keep my expectations to the longer timeline for my sanity.

GL and I wish you the smoothest DTC... go, go go!!!!!!!

[sunshyne68ny]

Thanks for the great tips! It's so hard to know what to do, but we probably will still keep trying for China and just hope that #1, we meet the deadline and #2 the wait doesn't get longer than 24 months. I'm afraid that after we get LID that the wait time is going to shoot up, but hopefully it won't. DH is ready to change programs already so we're not on the same page right now. He's afraid that with his weight and diabetes we'll get in the review room and China will "change their mind".

We have about a month or so to think about it so we'll see what happens!

Thanks for letting me vent.. once again!

[mom3boys]

If I understand correctly how Vietnam works, it isn't at all the same as China. They don't have one government agency handling all adoptions. Different agencies work with different orphanages and as a result have different wait times. There was a woman on RQ today stating that the wait times at her agency were very short. I would definitely recommend researching agencies and their wait times. With China many agencies are saying that people must be logged in by May 1st. My agencies website states that the dossier must arrive to them by March 15. This part is still unclear.
Marjorie

[Ready2bparents]

Chris ~ my prayers are with you!