[PiperH]

Well, now that many of us saw through Paula Zahn's show how some think the only reason we want to adopt from China is because the girls are "dolls" and will grow up to support us in our old age, I am curious as to why you may have picked China.

My husband and I have been so disappointed with other avenues of adoption, that we weren't expecting much when we went to a workshop about adopting from China. We left, however, with the feeling so strong that this was the right thing to do and it was destined for us to do it.

We liked the fact that there was light at the end of the tunnel. That these people knew what to do when it comes to adoption and that the end of this process would be the beginning of the family we so desire. Too many other avenues have closed or never even opened.

The reason we chose to go with a girl? Simple. The agency said that too many times if you request something special, they will set aside that dossier and go on with the numerous request for girls. We didn't want to get set aside and lost in the shuffle, so we are adopting a girl. We also have 4 nephews in our families and no nieces, so this will be our parents' first granddaughter.

We never thought about how beautiful and smart she will be (although she will be the most beautiful and smartest ever ), though we pray that she is healthy and happy with us.

That is our reason, in case Paula is interested.

[KarenInCa]

We did not have infertility issues, and in fact, we did not consider having children, adopted or birth children. When we got married, I already had a 20 yr old son, and we were resolved to the thought of not having any children between us. Life went on, and we were ok with it. But, DH always saw how I looked at little girls, and knew that I wanted one. He has always been drawn toward China for some mysterious reason, and on Thanksgiving day, 2004, he asked me if I wanted to adopt. The first thing that passed through my mind was the foster care system, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, I agreed, knowing that it would probably be foster children, without much possibility of adoption. But, then he said that he was thinking of adopting from China, and when we arrived home, I immediately went on the internet and started researching China adoption. Neither of us really knew about the one child policy. A few days later we were at an adoption agency, listening to their introduction, and learning more about China adoption.
So, why China? I really have no idea. Neither of us were really considering having children, and neither of us had researched China in terms of adoption. It all just kind of fell on us. DH has explained it that God opened the door of opportunity on Thanksgiving day and we accepted it. I can tell you though, that life is sweeter, DH and I are more in love, and our daughter has brought a feeling of magic in the air since we brought her home. We were not considering having children, but it sure is a beautiful experience now that we do. BTW, our daughter was EXACTLY one month old on Thanksgiving day, 2004, the day we decided to adopt. She was in our arms 16 months later.

[sakelley]

We knew from the beginning of our relationship that the only way we were having children was to adopt. Neither one of us had any desire to have a biological child. In fact, my husband had a vasectomy when he was 28. When we decided to adopt, I looked at all the options. We didn't feel comfortable with domestic adoption, mostly because we did not want an open adoption. We really wanted a girl so China was our best option for getting a girl. The process, the cost, and length of travel also appealed to us.

Right before we were DTC, we decided to adopt a waiting child off of our agency's list. We were home with our daughter 7 1/2 months after sending in our application.

[Mailbox13]

For me, there were two main reasons to adopt from China.

1. We would never have to worry about someone claiming to be the biological parent coming back to claim out daughter.

2. Of the international programs available to us at the time we started the process, China was by far the most stable and reliable. The expanding wait came much later.

We already had a little boy, so a little girl was just fine with us. China also tended to be one of the less expensive programs.

[ElectricGypsy]

DH and I had experienced disappointment after disappointment for years in trying to start our family with infertility. When we decided to adopt, the decision to go internationally was definitely the way that we wanted to go without a question. We both knew several people that were on the route to adopt domestically and had the birth mothers/fathers change their minds or challenge the adoption (both before receiving the child and AFTER!). I had one co-worker that had 3 separate birthmothers change their minds...one was after she already had the baby for a month. We just couldn't deal with more disappointment.
I am also part Filipina and part Chinese, so when we went with International adoption, we tried to decide between the 2 countries. We originally went with the Philippines, however the wait times were so long and unpredictable. At the time, China's wait was about 6 months (obviously THIS has changed!).
Another reason is because the reasons for giving children up for adoption were very different in the Philippines than for China. For the Philippines, it was commonly for extreme poverty and/or illness. From what we were told, the mothers many times were prostitutes and/or raped and HIV was a growing concern. They also would NOT test children for HIV. In China, the vast majority of the children given up for adoption were because they were girls. Although, you can never predict that your child will be 100% healthy, we felt that there were better odds of healthy children or with minor correctible needs in China. I am in no way saying that all children adopted from the Philippines will have issues, but the probably seemed higher due to some of the circumstances.

[lovemybulldog]

We originally wanted to go Russia to keep DH's Eastern European heritage intact. After lots of research, we found that it was not the program for us. Due to a love for Asian culture, we decided on China because of the stability of the program and selfishly, the ability to travel to China and make an ongoing connection to the culture.

It was not until after we decided on China that we even knew that there was a gender inbalance or that the 1 child law created a cultural favoritism to boys. Ironically, we specifically wanted a boy. We had a lot of people tell us that we were crazy to go to China for a boy, and "how dare you" want a boy from China where there are all those girls needing families...etc.

With one look at the SN kids, we realized with shock that there were so many with minor, correctible needs that were waiting and waiting and waiting....Gotcha days going by for other kids with no mama or baba for them. Our decision was clear.

It had nothing to do with china dolls, intellect, trying to be trendy, etc. It had everything to do with wanting a child to complete our family and wanting a stable program by which to build a plan. We also feel that we live in an area with a rich Asian cultural influence with many opportunities for our child to stay connected to his homeland, which we felt was important to us.

We did not go through a domestic program because we were not interested in an open adoption, certain drug/alcohol risks, or the horrific possibility of a parent changing their minds. This happened to a coworker twice after waiting for over 5 years for a match.

[Lissa]

We TTC for 5 years. We weren't concieving and no doctor could tell us why...so we decided to adopt. (We never tried fertility--wasn't important to us.)

We discussed domestic and talked to agencies who told us that because of my weight and because Russ was an atheist we would have a hard time adopting domestically and we should try foster care.

We weren't interested in foster care as the emphasis was reunification and we wanted to adopt, so we researched international.

China (in our opinion) had at that time the most reliable and straightforward process. We were interested in Asian culture already--so China was natural and easy.

[NaturalizedCT]

Aside from the stable program, I think the other main reason for China's popularity is most of the children available are girls. The opposite is true in many other programs so if you want a girl, China would appear to be the natural choice.

[NaturalizedCT]

Originally Posted by Lissa

We discussed domestic and talked to agencies who told us that because of my weight and because Russ was an atheist we would have a hard time adopting domestically and we should try foster care.

They told you that atheists have a hard time adopting domestically? Did they say why?

[waiting4katie]

We have 4 bio, 3ds, 1dd. My last 2 pregnancies had complications...and I still yearned for a daughter. My husband had started traveling to China for business and would tell me about all these adoptive families he was meeting on his flights and in hotels. Which started us thinking about adoption. Close friends of ours did domestic adoption, their boys are now 6, the bio parents took them to court to try to get the boys back because they changed their minds, they just settled this case 2yrs ago...our friends get to keep their boys. I didn't want any part of that possible heartbreak. We looked at Guatemala, Russia, Ukraine, and China...we decided China would work best for us...and quite frankly money and travel played a part in the decision as well as the reliability, stability...the light at the end of the tunnel! So China! Here we come!

[Lissa]

Originally Posted by NaturalizedCT

They told you that atheists have a hard time adopting domestically? Did they say why?

Let me say right up top, knowing now what I know...I would not believe them. I am glad they said those things because it led me to my daughter, but ultimately I now understand there are people who would have choosen us just because of our faiths.

The domestic agencies' concerns were that I live in a bible belt state where religious preference is a common reason potential birth parents choose particular potential adoptive parents. Russell is an atheist and I am notand they said that could hurt us. It also became an issue in our international adoption as well when one agency we were interviewing actually told me when I spoke with them (without Russell) one day that they were sure they could help Russell "find God" through the process. I immediately told them we would find another agency who was more open minded. Ultimately we went with a Christian agency but it was hard to find the right agency for us.

[TaraL]

I was inspired to adopt because of my father. He adopted me when I was 7 through a step-parent adoption and he is probably the greatest man I have ever met. We are extremely close so I know how wonderful adoption can be. I never wanted to have children biologically. Its not me.

We thought about foster to adopt and domestic adoption however I couldn't face the fear of a biological parent coming back. I also work too closely in my job with the foster system--I didn't feel comfortable. We originally started with Guatemala but switched to China in 2003 because of a bad situation with the agency we were using. It all seemed to have happened for a reason. I just had this aching in my heart for China and now that I look at my baby girl I know that there was something pulling us together (red thread maybe )

So many people come to adoption in so many different ways and it was rather insulting to all adoptive and pre-adoptive parents to assume such sillyness as those on the Paula Zahn show. They have no idea where any of us come from but assume they do. Well you know what happens when you assume!!!

[NaturalizedCT]

Originally Posted by Lissa

The domestic agencies' concerns were that I live in a bible belt state where religious preference is a common reason potential birth parents choose particular potential adoptive parents. Russell is an atheist and I am notand they said that could hurt us. It also became an issue in our international adoption as well when one agency we were interviewing actually told me when I spoke with them (without Russell) one day that they were sure they could help Russell "find God" through the process. I immediately told them we would find another agency who was more open minded. Ultimately we went with a Christian agency but it was hard to find the right agency for us.

I am an atheist myself (wife is a non church going Christain) and have wondered about the appeal that would have with birth mothers. Given how commonly abortion is used to handle an unwanted pregancy in this country, I suspect that those who chose not to often do so because of a moral or religous objection. No observant Catholic would chose abortion over adoption for example. I suspect (but have no evidence) that women from conservative religious backgrounds are over represented. I may be completely wrong of course.

[chinagirl2006]

We wanted to adopt from the Philippines because DH's mom is from there. But after learning the wait would be 36 months...we decided it didn't work for us. Our social worker suggested China because it was more predictable...well it was back then But we're glad we decided to change. Otherwise we'd still have another 22 months to go!

[lulubell]

We have 2 bio children and 2 adopted children. We originally became foster parents to adopt from foster care but cominfg from experience these parents get way too many chances to reunify with their children!!! Our 6 year old daughter came to us through a disruption, she had only been in the U.S. for 1 week. She is from Liberia, Africa. Our son is a domestic adoption and we have a very open relationship with his birthmother (he is 7 months). The agency that we went through for our son does not let you specify gender but we weren't picky with this either. I cannot explain why I am so interested in China but I believe it must be a sign from God. I have lost sleep over thinking of the whole process of going international(I don't even want to hear the words putting together a dossier)!!!!!! That scares me! But I guess if you never get started you will never get completed! It makes me sick to hear that strangers know why I want to adopt period!!! There are many reasons why people come to the decision of adoption and frankly it's nobodys buisiness!!!!!
LeeAnn
Mother of Kierstyn 10, Lelah 6, Kaden 5, and Alex 7mo.