[Happy2Bhere]

Not to steal Jennifer Anistons quote "He's lacking a sensitivity chip" but I have a question- and no time to try to word it quite properly- so here it goes- not trying to lack sensitivity of course- seriously!


My daughter is 37 months. We chose China as a country for many reasons- age, health, guaranteed female child, etc. With the waits increasing, we are SERIOUSLY considering our options.

Without starting the entire information process over- does anyone have any ideas on what country would accept us- my husband is 52, I am 37. Our social worker said to keep our daughter the oldest- so an older child isn't really an option.

We are interested in a healthy, no known medical conditions female child- aged 0-37 months, with the goal around 24-30 months of age.

I know this probably sounds like "shopping for a car" and i don't mean it to- but I thought we had the "detective" work done, now it appears we might be starting all over from scratch. I used to know what country my husand would be eligible for, time frame, health of children, etc- but then we decided on China, and I don't want to start all over with the ground work- so was hoping someone might have information.

Thanks in advance-
Melissa

[lovemybulldog]

Since the waits start at LID and times were sitting at about 18 months when you were LID (end of October), that puts you somewhere around spring to early summer '08 for a referral.

If you were to change to a country with a shorter wait, you would probably still be at about 12 months+ for most NSN programs, so at or near your current wait track (and that's if you had paperwork in to that country NOW). I don't know all the wait times for other countries right now (I'm sure some are shorter) or if your current agency works with other programs (preventing you from needing to go through a new agency's paperwork), but I'm thinking you're in a good spot right now...Better than those in the 2 year+ track or subject to the age limit changes going into effect.

If I were in your shoes, I would be heaving a huge sigh of relief and thanking the lord that we got LID when we did. Good luck with your research! I know you'll make the right decision in the end.

BTW- I think we all feel like we come across like we're shopping for a car sometimes. I know I do every time I look at a waiting child list or talk about fees. That is just one of those common denominators that makes this process so different from anything a bio parent will ever understand. Just my opinion!

[ManyTimesBlessed]

Have you looked into Vietnam, Guatemala, Ethiopia or Liberia? I'm pretty sure that all of these countries have very flexible requirements and the process would be faster than what people are experiencing in China right now.

[angelkisses0102]

Kyrgyzstan is a new program but I know it is very flexible...there a a forum here. A friend posts to it and her DD is an angel.

[KarenInCa]

If you get a second child that's around 24 months old, from China at the time of Gotcha, then she will be closer in age to your first daughter than you might have realized.
From what I understand (and of course it could be way off base) the time is supposed to stablize at 15-18 months wait from DTC to referral, then start going down again based on less applications after May 1st regulations go into effect.
It's very possible that your referral will be when your current daughter is barely 4 yrs old (15 months from now), and your refered daughter is close to 2 years old. In my mind, that's a perfect age difference in my mind.

[jbzanie]

Well...my husband and I have debated over and over again about this. Our daughter is 6 (will be 7 in June) and we really thought our children will be closer in age.

I cannot speak to the age requirements. Look at Vietnam and Ethiopia. I'm not sure I would look at Guatemala -- there is pressure to close down the program until they change their program so it matches the Hague Convention guidelines. I would post to the Guatemala forum -- my info might be outdated. We couldn't afford Guatemala.

We have decided to stick with China.

good luck with your decision.

[Happy2Bhere]

Thanks for the input.

My family- 5 kids- are all at the most 2 years apart- mostly in the 17-19 month age difference range. I really wanted that for my daughter, too. Not to mention we are SO anxious to welcome another daughter in the family, and my daughter asks EVERY DAY!

We are guessing we would get a referral around March of 08, and travel around April 08. That means my daughter will be 4 1/2- and we don't know if maybe we would be referred a younger child, or older- no way to know for sure. Right now, when she is home, not in school, that is when she wants a sibling so much, and without her going to daycare- she really wants a sister & the interaction! I guess maybe I have the "ADD" syndrome- if something is going to happen- its hard for me to wait, as well!

It could be, too- that we first explored Russia, and would most likely have had our daughter home in December- so maybe that is why I think the wait is so long!

I always wanted 3 children, as close in age as possible- I loved growing up with 2 other sisters & 2 other brothers, and all being close in age. I just wanted to be able to give my daughter that experience, as well- and she would LOVE to have a sister right now.

Ok- I'll stop rambling. Thanks again!

Melissa

[hml1976]

Just wanted to throw in a vote for Kazakhstan very quick process but LONG travel!

[Happy2Bhere]

Another factor with choosing a country- I can't even imagine going without my daughter- unless it wasn't safe- so China seemed safe & a decent amount of time in the country- not too long.
I was interested in a couple of countries- but when we found out you had to travel twice, or stay for 3-5 weeks- that just couldn't happen.
Maybe there is a reason we were pulled to China- maybe I shouldn't second guess it- I just want my daughter to have a sibling, close in age, and these are the best years to enjoy a sister- when you aren't in school yet.
Thanks again gang!
M

[KarenInCa]

China is VERY safe. Granted, you should put your money into the hotel room safe, and you should always keep your important papers in the safe or in a money belt, along with your money, but it is still very safe. When we went to China, we first stayed in Shanghai, and I heard someone yelling below our room, on the sidewalk. I looked out the window, and someone had stolen a purse from a woman. There were at least 50 people gathered around her and the police car came, with it's siren, all in less than 3 minutes. She was able to point to the direction the man went, and the police caught him quickly. Im sure he probably spent (or is still spending) time in prison for it.
It's even been noted recently, that China is "harvesting" organs from inmates, to sell to other countries. We also saw beggers that had no hands, and it made us wonder WHY they had no hands. Peole do not hear much about crime in China, that might be because China does not advertise to the world about it's criminals, but more likely, crime is punnished with extreme measures. So, needless to say, prison in China is a place that's probably not worth the crime.

Is it possible to put your daughter into classes? Perhaps MyGym. Or put her into daycare 2-3 days a week, part time? These are both excellent ways to help her gain the friendship she longs for, and also great in helping her to learn cooperative play and group participation, both of which will be necessary for her to be successful in school.

Our daughter will be the same age as yours when we get our referral for DD #2. We're asking for older toddler too (16-28 months), and also have no idea if we will get an older toddler or not. But, I figure the chances are high. We asked for an older toddler with her, and got it.

[twoinblue]

I read that Kazakstan(sp?) has recently changed it's rules to make it easier. You no longer have to stay in country two months. You have to make two trips instead and stay only two weeks. I don't know what the costs are but they don't have age requirements.

[hml1976]

You can make two trips (you've always been able to) but anyone who's telling you two weeks is lying to you

The first trip would be at a minimum 3wks (more like 4) and the second 6 days at a minimum.

The age requirements and family size are pretty flexible but Kaz has recently started getting stricter about medical issues and criminal records of any kind.