[erinp]

No more China program for us. After lots of tears and anguish over the weekend, I'm done. I figured there's only a 50% chance that we can get our dossier done in time and that's depending on way too many other people to do things for us. One, being the slowest immigration office in TX. I can't risk another heartbreak nor can we risk losing financially in this.

Instead, we're opting to research other avenues. Vietnam is looking very promising but more expensive and shorter times. Shorter time sounds great but that means coming up with money (even more money than we planned) in a shorter amount of time. 401k is not an option and neither is home equity as we are in TX and must own 20% first - which we don't. Sooo it's saving and ebaying time for me.

I'm a little scared and overwhelmed with Vietnam. There is much less community support so it's taking some additional time to research. Reading blogs, I've also seen some horror stories as well. The travel time is much longer too. I read one lady whose baby's birth mom came back and they had to give her another baby and she ended up being stuck in Vietnam for over a month. WOW. You just dont' hear about that kind of stuff in China.

Anyway, along with the 1 bad story comes many many wonderful stories of beautiful children united with their mommies and daddies and it makes me excited to learn and progress through this different path. It may not be as easy in my eyes but as Susan said, anything this good is worth fighting for.

Thank you so so so much for your prayers and support throughout my drama. You are a very kind group of men & women and so deserving of the children and future children you have.

Hugs,
Erin

[Nichole98]

Im so sorry. I cant imagine how hard this decision must have been for you and your husband. Knowing the risks involved we probably would have made the same decision. I wish you the best of luck on your new journey. Im sure things will work out for the best!! Keep us posted on your new journey...your still part of our China forum Family!!

[Karen in MT]

I know there are lots of disappointed families. I'm sorry for all of you. We are waiting for a referral and I'm so glad we hopefully will be adopting from China, but we also had dreams of our little girl having an older sister of her own back-ground and it is looking like that may not happen now. At this point I'll be thrilled to get one out. I'm sure other doors will open for all of us and the best will prevail. The world is filled with children in need and people who are called to the purpose of loving and caring for them.
Best of luck to you! -Karen

[oleson1]

I am so sorry. This must have been a heart wrenching decision for you.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[cungar]

So sorry you had to make this decision.

By the way our agency did have adoptive parents who went to China and had the bio parents show up and take the child back. Extremely rare but it happens.

[sethsmommy]

I am so sorry! I wanted to throw in the idea of Taiwan. It has a short wait time right now and the trip is only like 5 days long. I have found a couple of agencies who are doing Taiwan if you want names. I also have a blog of a couple who are currently matched and have a travel date. Their process went sooo smoothly and fast. The popularity of Taiwan and Vietnam may increase so I would jump in fast. Good luck! Gina

[cdw002096]

Erin --

You are not alone. I will not be 30 until November 2007 and it looks like we are out, too! My DH is on anti-depressants and it looks like there may not be a way around getting denied. We too are looking at Vietnam, but it is so much more expensive. I'm not sure what we will do. I always thought that we would adopt from China. So, I've devasted to say the least.

Good luck.

[Synesthesia]

I won't be 30 until 2010...
Plus I'm single and everything...

[amyfk]

Dear Erin,

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your dream of adopting from China most likely won't come to pass. It's always hard when we have a dream and then it falls through.

I dont want to sound like miss platitude but my dad always said when one door closes another door opens and if you hit a brick wall, then you find another way to get around that wall.

Perhaps research other country programs where you and your hubby would be eligible. I am in an adoption support group locally and one gal recently came back from Vietnam with her daughter. She's going back there to adopt again. Nevertheless, she knows the system pretty well. IF you want her contact information, PM me and I will try to get it from my group leader. She's a very nice gal and I'm sure she will be glad to talk with you.

Allow yourself time to grieve. Just like those who suffered infertility and the loss of the bio child, we needed time to grieve and get over the dream of having a bio child. I am assuming the likelihood of not going to China is somewhat similiar. Be kind to yourself during this hard transition time. This too shall pass...

Amy K, NJ

[erinp]

Thanks for all the kind words and also extending big hugs to those who are also in my shoes. I feel so very blessed to have my own 3 boys and know that so many others are so much less fortunate.

I'm tired of being dramatic and all over the place emotion-wise. I'm crying at the drop of a hat and I honestly feel like it's because I was forcing the China issue when it wasn't meant to be. We're looking into Vietnam now. It will be another long road but it too is presenting itself as a smooth alternative. I just hope it is!!! I'm going to wait a bit before I get all involved emotionally. I have an existing family that I need to be here for so it's better that way.

[SusanRH]

((Erin)) I am sooo sorry. I can understand how upset you must feel. Praying for you and your family.

[Shelley]

Korea is an option too. You don't need a dossier, just a homestudy. The wait for girls is longer than for boys, and it is more expensive than most other countries, but like China, you don't pay all of your money upfront. Good luck Shelley

[Ready2bparents]

To tag on to Shelley about Korea, you also don't have to travel to Korea, they bring the child to you via an escort. We looked into Korea but I was told that I was too old - I just turned 41. The mother cannot be older than 40 when applying for adoption. I don't remember the age for the father.

[Shelley]

I think the age requirements have changed. Neither parent can be older than 43-44 at time of homestudy to Korea. At least that's what it was with the agency we used. We would have gone to Korea for our second adoption but we had too many minor children in the home,5, and my dh had aged out at the time, he was almost 43. But I think they've upped that back to 44. It all depends on the wait time for referrals. Shelley

[specialk4b]

Oh Erin, I'm so sorry. This must be a gut-wrenching decision for you. I have no words of wisdom, but my heart goes out to you. I had no idea at the time why we felt compelled to start the process last year. Initially we were wanting to wait, but now I am so glad we pushed.

I wish you the best in whatever path you decide to pursue! You know you can always talk to me if you need a friend!