[jenmart]

Hello! My husband are trying to decide between Haiti and China. We are looking to adopt a 2-4 yr old girl. We are wondering if girls in this age range become available very often. I realize most of the adoptions are for infants. Also, I was told by an agency that the only reason you are able to turn a referral down is if they have a medical issue. We would be deciding between 2 different agencies. One comes highly recommened from a friend who adopted a special needs child from China. Im not sure if this process about referrals is true? I like that with Haiti and some other countries you are given referrals and are able to accept or turn them away not soley based on medical issues. I guess my fear is not feeling any attachment through a picture? Then what would you do? Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation? Thanks!

[Shelley]

Read the "WEavers Craft, Toddler adoption" That's a good place to start when considering adopting a toddler. China's wc program is an option if you're considering a toddler adoption. You get medical info and usually more than one photo.
As far as attaching to a photo, I never did, in fact I think it's really hard to attach to a photo. I knew my daughters when I saw their them, but as far as attaching, well that took time for both me and them.
For me, I think if I had based both of our adoptions on whether or not I attached to a photo, I probably wouldn't have gone thru with either of them.
Referral photo's are not always the most flattering, and it's unfair to base such a heavy decision on whether or not you've attached to a photo, especially if the child was having a bad day and therefore the not so flattering photo(s)
When we requested to be matched with our almost 4 yo, at the time, other than one photo taken when she was about 12 months, the rest showed this sour faced little girl dressed in boys clothes. Somehow my heart new that she was ours though. just my .02 Shelley

[prechrswife]

We are planning on adopting a child in that age range for our next adoption. We are planning (as of now) to go the China waiting child route. I do know that age is not considered a valid reason for turning down a referral in the China NSN program. I do know of a couple of families in the June and July 2005 DTC groups who requested referrals for and got referrals for older children. However, we want to have a little more control with the age of the child we are referred, as we want our first daughter to be the oldest.

[wanttobe]

Another good book, the waiting child, by cindy champnella. VERY VERY GOOD BOOK
Even if you put 2 -4 healthy you maybe get a younger child because thats all that came up at the time of your papers. Your heart needs to be for the children in the orphanages, then it won't matter what the picture looks like. The childrens heads aren't round, because the back is flat some more some less from not being handled. There are bug bites, skin rashes. Some are very cute pictures, as some look like orphans, just what they are. My advise is read more before deciding. I did not attach to my childs picture, I did not attach at the moment of receiving my child, she was a stranger, as I to her. However 30 days later we are bonded and love eachother dearly.
dana

[lovemybulldog]

Originally Posted by Shelley

China's wc program is an option if you're considering a toddler adoption. You get medical info and usually more than one photo.

DH and I are going through the WC program and my agency currently has several girls between 18m to 4 years with minor health issues. Several have cleft lip/palate with the lip surgery already completed. I'll pm you my agency's info.

Good luck with your decision!

[maureen3770]

Hi,

I just brought home my 3-year old daughter from China about a month ago. It has been an amazing and incredible journey and she has done so well with the transition that I can't really believe it. She was a SN child so I had a lot of info on her and pictures before I made a decision. But like another poster said...I knew she was mine as soon as I saw her. I was a lot more comfortable moving forward because I did have a lot of information on her. She was 2 at the time so there were 3 medical reports and a lot of progress reports on her skills/abilities as she grew. Her special need is minor in my eyes, but not everyone may feel that way. You know better than anyone what you are comfortable with regarding special needs. I did a lot of research in my early days of learning about adoption and figured out what I was comfortable with pretty quickly. From there, it was just a matter of time before I was ready and I found my daughter on a waiting child list.

If you'd like to read more about my journey and experience, you can check out my blog here: Introducing Olivia

good luck!

Maureen

[sakelley]

We adopted our 2 1/2 year old daughter almost 2 months ago. She was a waiting child with a very managable special need. When we accepted her referral, she was 29 months old and her pictures and medical report was done when she was 18 months old. We did receive updated pictures and measurements. The pictures always showed a sad little girl wearing boy's clothes (no wonder she will only wear pink now). The pictures did not do any justice to the beautiful child that she is. Since we have had her, she has went from a very scared little girl who cried quite a bit to a child that hardly ever stops smiling and hardly ever cries. It has been amazing watching her transition. The main thing is do not expect to attach to their referral picture - they are not the most flattering pictures. I am attaching my daughter's referral picture, one taken about 2 months before we got her, and one taken a week after we got home.

[twoinblue]

Jen,

It is good that you are researching.

Since you are adopting an older child I highly suggest researching as much as you can about the country's culture. I know that Haiti's is extremely different than most Western cultures.

I lived in Haiti for four years. My parents were there over 10 years. I could probably answer some cultural questions if you want to PM me.