[Lissa]

I am unhappy whenever adoption takes a "hit" and the recent controversy surrounding Madonna's adoption of a Malawian child has been a definate blow.

I'm not sure who to be upset with...I am distrustful of the American Press but I'm not so sure this time.

I have a lot of respect for Jolie, Pitt, MacGregor and Ryan who all went through proper channels to adopt their children. But Madonna seems to be in hot water everywhere with everybody: The boy's father says he never wanted his son adopted and was hoping to retrieve him when financially possible. The country (which doesn't allow international adoption unless parents reside for a year in country) waived their rules which is causing human rights groups to protest the adoption and she's in trouble in Britian because she failed to register her adoption plans with the British adoption authority.

Many have said the media is picking on her...I'm not so sure. I believe in international adoption, but I believe in protecting children and so far this sounds fishy to me. What do y'all think?

[oleson1]

I, too, question the media. When I heard the reports that Madonna had left her newly adopted son in the care of a "babysitter" so that her and DH could fly home for a few days, I was stunned. I wasn't sure if I could believe the reports. If they are true, I am disgusted. The time right after you get your new child should be used for bonding, not travel.

For obvious reasons, I am a huge supporter of International adoption. I am not, however, thrilled to see a celebrity go overseas and mock "the process" by using her status. I don't want to be overly harsh, but it seems to me that she went to this country, used her money to buy what she wanted.

[TaraL]

Lissa, I have such mixed feelings on this. I am not a Madonna fan at all but I am trying to keep those feelings aside and really look at this fairly.

As far as this child being adopted much quicker and having most of the process waived because its Madonna and she has the money sits ok with me. The quicker any child finds a family the better. I wish I had the money to bring all the babies in China waiting to be adopted home quicker. I believe if you have the money and its being used positively then so be it.

But then on the other hand there is this whole issue that this child already has a father and I believe a grandmother so my feelings on waiving the process more apply to orphans. Does this whole Madoona issue come down to actually "selling children?" God, I hope not. This is something that we, the adoptive community, strive so hard to change. Then here comes Madonna and knocking us back a few steps in our quest as adoptive parents to educate others.

I have always been very supportive of celebrities adopting internationally because, until this, they have done it in such a positive manner and I think it has brought only good to international adoption. The media is another issue and insists on trying to find the "dark secrets" of international adoption by celebrities just to sell a story. Up until now I think they failed however they may have got their wish with Madonna.

Before I make any real judgements on the situation I wish Madonna would speak for herself and set the story straight. She wants to do good and help the orphans of the world, so speak up and do so. No I don't think every adoptive parent needs to explain themselves to the world however I do believe that when you take the path that makes you a celebrity then you have an obligation. And when you have no problem engaging the publicity so the world can you doing charity then you need to step up and talk about the issues. Madonna had no problem having the press follow her while she making donations to Malawi. She wants to help the orphans then she needs to speak for all of them because right now it appears that she had about 15 children standing against the wall so she could chose who she wanted and then paid the parent of the child she chose. Not a good mark for international adoption.

Sorry so long.

[Happy2Bhere]

If there truly was an orphan that got "saved" or "rescued" no matter who by, then SUPER!

We are all "in the know" for international adoption, but what if she truly did go to donate money, saw this boy, and her heart went out to him, and she truly didn't know the correct adoption path? I was clueless before I started the "journey".

I heard that she had to leave him because of other obligations, and that the adoption wasn't final, but she'd be back for him.

If it wasn't a SUPER STAR, then how would everyone feel? I say that if he was in need/want of a family, then all the more power to them all!

As someone said before, she surely has to do the I-600A and a home study, so she can't jump through too many hoops on her celebrity status.

I guess time will tell.

[WaitingMom22]

I have not been on here in a long time because I am actually PG but when I saw the news today I knew that you ladies would be discussing it so I was interested in seeing what you were saying and putting in my two cents (even though I have not adopted but I am a domestic adoptee.)

It sounded to me from what I read that his family never stepped forward on their own but the civil rights groups went in search of these people to try to find a legal way to stop the adoption. To me that means they had no interest in the boy but were probably given something to step up and even at that are not trying to get him now. I am sorry but unsympathetic to any parent that leaves their child in an orphange. The child was given up and should be able to be adopted, why should he live in an orphanage for years when he can have a family? As for if she choose to leave him there instead of bonding, that's horrible but I would not be suprised if there was more too it like a diversion to try to keep this out of the media even though they obviously failed. As for her using her money to get what she wants, it is definately annoying for anyone that is stuck waiting in red tape to bring their child home, but I cannot say that if money was no object I would not have brought home my child at the end of last year.

[ttcasey]

I am not a big fan of Madonna, but I give her a lot of credit to pursue this adoption and with all the paperwork that still needs to be done. Let's look on the positive side, maybe this will open Malawi's adoption process to more international parents. I am getting anxious about the wait and how long it takes to get our referrals, but I have to trust the CCAA. I don't think if I had Madonna's money that it would go any quicker, but who knows.

Trish
LID 08/17/06

[hotspice58]

I was wondering why pick a child with a father, although the articles I read said that he put his son in an orphanage after the mom died. Didn't read about a grandmother. Also read that he had to stay in the orphanage while the paperwork gets straightened out. But when Madonna and hubby FIRST went there, they denied any plans of adoption. I'm also for international adoption but, it has to be done the right way.

[chinagirl2006]

I guess this is what happens when you don't go thru the adoption process correctly. I heard that the courts tried to rush Madonna thru the adoption...she didn't have to wait like others do. Maybe its because she gives millions to their country? I feel bad for the child. Why not just do it right the 1st time?

[WaitingMom22]

But isn't it good that the orphanage is getting millions of dollars? I am not sure why we should feel bad for the child, not that I am a Madonna fan but she seems to be a loving Mom even though I might not agree with everything she does. And as for the child having a father, the father gave the child to an orphanage so I am not sure why everyone thinks that she should not have chosen a child with a father. I am all for kids staying with their bio families but once the family gives up the child I no longer think it is in the child's best interest.

[Shelley]

I don't know all of the facts but I can only surmise that the orphanage will NOT get millions of dollars. They will probably get some of the money, but like Chinese adoptions, with all of the money we put out, the orphanages only get the $3,000. donation fee.
I don't have a problem with celebrities adopting, but I do think they need to be held to the stringent rules the rest of us are held too. The rules apply to everyone, or is it the rules only apply when the adopting parents aren't filthy rich and famous? Shelley

[Lissa]

Rules get bent all the time even by non celebrities. I personally think that's wrong, but I know that it happens. Russell, Lydia and I experienced that first hand as people with political pull used their connections to get consulate appointments ahead of ours thus keeping Lydia in an orphanage longer and delaying our travel past the normal 4-6 weeks wait time. (Still bitter about it! Need to let it go...but )

I guess that's part of why the whole thing gives me the same physical sensation as I get when I hear fingernails on a chalkboard. I just wanna scream "Hey...this isn't just about Madonna and Guy....this is about a child and a whole bunch of people who you can't even see beyond your narrow little scope. Yes they may be giving some orphans a home, but what has this done to the adoption community as a whole and to all the other orphans both inside and outside of Africa? What kind of backlash will occur because of this and what other countries will we see imposing even stricter rules (and possibly even closing) because one selfish person (and I am a Madonna fan) wanted a child NOW and wouldn't go through proper channels to adopt a child who truely needed a family. It just burns my bread if what the media is saying is true.

[prechrswife]

Originally Posted by Lissa

I guess that's part of why the whole thing gives me the same physical sensation as I get when I hear fingernails on a chalkboard. I just wanna scream "Hey...this isn't just about Madonna and Guy....this is about a child and a whole bunch of people who you can't even see beyond your narrow little scope. Yes they may be giving some orphans a home, but what has this done to the adoption community as a whole and to all the other orphans both inside and outside of Africa? What kind of backlash will occur because of this and what other countries will we see imposing even stricter rules (and possibly even closing) because one selfish person (and I am a Madonna fan) wanted a child NOW and wouldn't go through proper channels to adopt a child who truely needed a family. It just burns my bread if what the media is saying is true.

I am not a Madonna fan, but I have to agree with what Lissa is saying here. In the grand scheme of things, if this situation is as it has been presented, this was not handled correctly. Other famous people have adopted internationally (as mentioned in an earlier post), and they have gone through the same channels as the rest of us.

[sregis]

how many on this particular board are intimate w/ the IA procedures in malawi? and until madonna talks abt this adoption, who knows exactly what her motivations are?

we all know how very personal this is- i guess when celebrities are involved, many feel justified piling on inuendo and judgement.

[Lissa]

I do not call into questions Madonna's motives. I call into question her methods.



Intercountry Adoption Malawi

[ggman]

I just think we all need to play by the same set of rules... kwim?