[KTBowden]

Hi

New here, just wanted to know what people have said when asked why they want to adopt abroad rather than in the uk or home country?

Thanks

[Mailbox13]

My response is usually dependent on who is asking and what I think their motivation is. Assuming its a friend or relative who is just curious, I tell them the main factor for me was issues with the American legal system (We live in the USA). I am not comfortable with the possibility of someone coming back later and challenging our custody of our child.

Unfortunately, every so often there is a story on the news about a custody battle over an adopted child. While these are rare and the laws generally favor the adoptive parents, the strains put on these families both emotionally and financially are enormours. I did not want to risk having this happen to my family. While international adoption comes with its own risks, this is not one of them.

If the person appears to have an alterior motive or agenda, I first ask why they are interested. It could simply be someone who has taken an interest international adoption and wants to learn more. The person asking could also be someone who has issues with adoption or more specifically international adoption. If that is the case, I simply state that my wife and I felt called to adopt overseas. Most people's objections to adoption or international adoption have to do with their own personal issues which I am not qualified to diagnose or treat.

I will not get into a debate over the issue when the children are present. They are not old enough to understand the topic and may be frightened or upset by the conversation. While my wife and I do not hide the fact that our children are adopted from them, there is a limit to how technical you can get with a toddler.

I hope this helps.

[SofiasMom]

I like Mailbox's answer. Another thing to remember is that we do not owe anyone an explanation on our reasons for how we've decided to build our families. I would never go up to someone and say, why did you decide to have ___ kids? Or why did you get pregnant? Even for close family much less strangers.

Here's a letter to Miss Manners on the subject:

http://www.fccncalif.org/AdopTalk/Ad...ss_Manners.htm

[Lissa]

It depends upon who is asking and my mood.

Usually I say, because my daughter was in China, isn't she wonderful?! It's true (she is wonderful!) and usually this is a question stopper and a conversation starter about my favourite subject, Lydia.

Sometimes I will discuss the fact that so many adoptions in the US fall through. There are no certainties in adoption, but at the time I was adopting, China was the most predictable of the programs. I liked that.

[Petsitter]

My husband actually had a co-worker come up to him and say that the reason that we were adopting from China is because we didn't want a child of another race (btw, neither of us are Chinese...)

Duh...

He just smiled.

[Happy2Bhere]

For us- it's easy. I can't have a biological child. We adopted domestically, had a WONDERFUL experience with that, enjoyed the baby stage, now we decided to adopt again, and want a child closer to our daughters age, and skip the baby stage. So many people want infants, they won't go homeless. Older children, or toddlers, they also need homes. Since we didn't feel we HAD to do the baby stage, then toddler adoption was right for us. It is very hard to adopt a toddler in the US- unless you try the foster care system- which wouldn't work for me- I would become attached day one! So, international adoption was the avenue we decided to pursue. We wanted a healthy daughter, and China was the best match for us.
As for what to tell strangers- or family or friends for that matter- I know people don't try to be mean when they say "You mean she isn't yours?" or comments about her "real" mom. I probably was ignorant of adoption before I adopted, as well. Unless they are trying to be mean, I accept it.
My daughter came to me through adoption, so I am VERY proud & happy about it. I don't mind discussing adoption or my options or choices with people.
I know- long answer, just rambling, as usual :-)
Melissa

[KTBowden]

Thank you for all the lovely replies we have yet to start the whole rollercoaster of adoption!

Having had 8 miscars, before these we had discussed adoption and feel that we have a loving home to give no matter where the child is from.

We have just started contacting the council about sending us more information on adoption but immediately i was faced with questions about what country and why- we would love to adopt from China, we know there are many orphans and they don't have the same fostering systems that other countries have, we love the country and its culture. Apparantly during the interview process we need to have clear reasons- this through us a bit!

We are just worried now?!

[soontobethree]

I used to tell people that we were not willing to risk the chances in the USA of the birth mother changing her mind. Or I would point out that often international adoption is less expensive. A couple years ago however, I heard a response that I now try to use. It is the best one I have heard and is the same as Lissa's, "because my son/daughter was in Vietnam/China."

Melanie