[mumofone]

Karen, your daughter is beautiful in both pictures. I am so glad she is doing well.

[Karenanne]

This is such a shame this is getting way out of hand. We don't know the full story on why this family decided to adopt another child. I am sure it was a tough decision to make. It is so sad for ALL the children that do not have homes. The family must have felt that Hannah#1 was more than they could handle. Somebody said that if this was a biological child that they just couldn't give the baby back. Well that is one of the beautiful things about adoption is that you have a choice.....male, female, age of the child, what country the child is from, and what health conditons you are willing to accept. We can't save all the children needing homes. My husband and I adopted our son from Kazakhstan last year. When we started the process we "selected" a child from our agency's photolisting. Only to be notified by email a week before we left that one of his family members came for him. We later found out in Kazakhstan after meeting 7 other families using the same agency they were also told this "story". So I believe the agency was using the "cute" babies to lure parents in and tug at their heart strings. When we arrived at the orphanage they asked us how old we wanted our son to be. We stated under a year and a half old. The first boy they brought in was 2. I was ready to adopt him right then and there. Then they brought in our son who was 7 months old. From the moment I saw him I know he was meant to be our son. I didn't feel that way with the first boy they brought in. So maybe this family just didn't feel like it was meant to be with the first little girl. And that is ok, in adoption you have a choice and they made a choice that best fit their families needs.

[TaraL]

" I think you may be taking this a bit too far. It is obvious you have created a purely black & white issue, and go out of you way to belittle and mock the parents in question."

This child was not disabled. She had actually very common symtoms of many children adopted from China.

"It is not as if they left empty-handed...they are taking home a child from an orphanage which they will raise and provide for, for the rest of their lives...and have already spent thousands of $$$ and time to do so...in my book, they are doing good. "

Oh boy, I don't even know how to comment on this. We are not saving children when we adopt. That is not the attitude any adoptive parent should have. Saying that they didn't leave empty handed sounds like they left with the consolation prize. These are children we are taking about. They are human beings.

"I can't believe the things I'm reading here...."what if it was their bio child?" - well she isn't...."

The last thing I ever want my daughter to feel is that she is different than a child I would have had biologically.

""this will cause trauma on the older child who witnessed this" - no it wont, I'm sure they will tell her Hannah 1 was just too sick to come with us...."

There is a good chance that the older daugher will wonder if she gets very ill will she be sent back.


"They did not abandon her...she is not her bio or adopted child...they are not to welfare sys of China. Lets get real here."

This statement makes me very sad.

"Somehow you make it seem selfish and evil for parents to want a healthy child. Isn't that why China is as popular of a place to adopt from in the 1st place? "

Of course we all want healthy children. What parent wouldn't. Rarely do children come home from China completely healthy. Most children are delayed and many have minor problems that are resolved once they are home with a loving family. From what the blog stated this seems to be the case for Hannah. It is naive to believe differently and this is why soon to be parents need to better educate themselves.

[Lissa]

"she is not her bio or adopted child"

Okay, breaking my own rule...but I have to comment on this.

Ying Li (Hannah) was their daughter. They had legally adopted her. The adoption was recinded so they could adopt the other child.

[CoatAnnHat]

"she is not her bio or adopted child"

I take offense at that statement too.. I am a mother to two bio sons, one adopted daughter and waiting for my fourth child who will also be adopted. They are all MY CHILDREN, bio or adopted. Outside of the adoption world I NEVER distinquish how any of them became my children. They are my children ...period.

[pgruodis]

Originally Posted by Lissa

"she is not her bio or adopted child"

Okay, breaking my own rule...but I have to comment on this.

Ying Li (Hannah) was their daughter. They had legally adopted her. The adoption was rescinded so they could adopt the other child.

If that is correct, then I stand corrected. I have read that the adoption was not completed. Had they completed the adoption, then things are different.

[pgruodis]

Originally Posted by CoatAnnHat

"she is not her bio or adopted child"

I take offense at that statement too.. I am a mother to two bio sons, one adopted daughter and waiting for my fourth child who will also be adopted. They are all MY CHILDREN, bio or adopted. Outside of the adoption world I NEVER distinquish how any of them became my children. They are my children ...period.

Possibly the reason for your "offence" is because you didn't correctly read my post...please do. I put bio & adopted into the same category, and referred into another. When you adopt your 4th child, then she will be your daughter. I find it conflicting that on one hand this thread starts out to caution everyone to be educated on the topic...then evolves into dramatic statements that may unwisely pull good people into situations they are not equipped to handle. This is not a sevice to the people who come here for advice.

[crick]

Okay...I think we've covered pretty much the entire blog, what has happened etc. I know we all have our opinions about it and don't think those will change. We feel the way we do, and that's that.

Maybe a new direction for the thread...

How can this situation perhaps be avoided in the future? What kind of education or things should everyone be aware of?

[pgruodis]

Originally Posted by TaraL

" I think you may be taking this a bit too far. It is obvious you have created a purely black & white issue, and go out of you way to belittle and mock the parents in question."

This child was not disabled. She had actually very common symtoms of many children adopted from China.

"It is not as if they left empty-handed...they are taking home a child from an orphanage which they will raise and provide for, for the rest of their lives...and have already spent thousands of $$$ and time to do so...in my book, they are doing good. "

Oh boy, I don't even know how to comment on this. We are not saving children when we adopt. That is not the attitude any adoptive parent should have. Saying that they didn't leave empty handed sounds like they left with the consolation prize. These are children we are taking about. They are human beings.

"I can't believe the things I'm reading here...."what if it was their bio child?" - well she isn't...."

The last thing I ever want my daughter to feel is that she is different than a child I would have had biologically.

""this will cause trauma on the older child who witnessed this" - no it wont, I'm sure they will tell her Hannah 1 was just too sick to come with us...."

There is a good chance that the older daugher will wonder if she gets very ill will she be sent back.


"They did not abandon her...she is not her bio or adopted child...they are not to welfare sys of China. Lets get real here."

This statement makes me very sad.

"Somehow you make it seem selfish and evil for parents to want a healthy child. Isn't that why China is as popular of a place to adopt from in the 1st place? "

Of course we all want healthy children. What parent wouldn't. Rarely do children come home from China completely healthy. Most children are delayed and many have minor problems that are resolved once they are home with a loving family. From what the blog stated this seems to be the case for Hannah. It is naive to believe differently and this is why soon to be parents need to better educate themselves.

Tara, I understand from your other posts that you are in a situation that makes you more sensitive to this case, and can appreciate that. What I can not tolerate is your mischaracterization of my post...and anyone reading what I have said and how you grotesquely distort it should know that. I simply add information to give nuance to the decisions made. People adopt for many reasons and have many options...if someone chooses to adopt from a poor orphanage it is PART OF THEIR DECISON...so please keep your holier-than-though statements under control...your comments of "consolation prizes" is plain ridiculous. Also, who said you should treat your adopted child differently than your bio child?! ...lets not get into stating the obvious. You conjecture on the older daughter fearing she might get sent back is only something you could come up with...not a child who possibly spend a few days with another child.
Tara, people come to this forum to educate themselves and prepare themselves to make wise decisions. While my posts may not be popular, they do serve this purpose by balancing some very irrational & hysterical statements. You have clearly confused the roll of orphan advocate with adoption supporter. It is unwise and dangerous to make dramatic statements that people should continue processes that clearly are not wise for them. You have fixated on this one particular child and demonized the couple that did not adopt her. Rather than grand statements and unachievable gestures, you should put your efforts directly into the helping all orphans.

[pgruodis]

Originally Posted by crick

Okay...I think we've covered pretty much the entire blog, what has happened etc. I know we all have our opinions about it and don't think those will change. We feel the way we do, and that's that.

Maybe a new direction for the thread...

How can this situation perhaps be avoided in the future? What kind of education or things should everyone be aware of?

Also, will this have any effect on future adoptions? How do Chinese perceive this situation?

[CoatAnnHat]

pgroudis,

You are right, I misread your post and I am sorry. Its late here, I think I need to step away from the computer!

[TaraL]

Originally Posted by pgruodis

Also, will this have any effect on future adoptions? How do Chinese perceive this situation?

This situation has happened before and, as far as I know it hasn't affected adoptions. I am suprised that the family was rematched as I remember when I first started out in the process there was talk on the big Yahoo board about turning down a referral or a child and I was always told that it was looked down on by China. So I don't know.

My fear is that things have been so unstable lately that I hope it doesn't cause a problem. The family stated on their blog that the officials were more than helpful and understanding.

[angieandstever]

I have read the blog. It is all very sad. I do feel that the writers were non chalant or at least that is how I interpreted it. BUT I know that when things are written they are not always read the way that the writer wants them to be. When I type something I could be thinking on thing and someone else might get a totally different meaning from it. I just wish people would not be so quick to judge.

Also if the adoption agency, which from what I understand is very reputable, and the CCAA were both willing to give her another referral so quickly then there has to be more to this than we know. I can't help to think that this was meant to be this way. Hannah #1 will find a home one day. She will be with the right family. If this family didn't feel they could take care of her who are we to judge that??

Please understand I am completely saddened about this whole mess and hope we all will find out one day that Hannah #1 will find her forever family. I just wish the judging would end. It is not helping this at all. Write letters to the adoption agency involved, start praying if you already haven't done so, but stop the judging because it is doing nothing.

Hope I didn't offend anyone because I didn't mean to.

[Lissa]

"...turning down a referral or a child and I was always told that it was looked down on by China"

My understanding is that as long as your concern is medical you can turn down a referral. What makes this case unusual and why some people are disturbed about it was Hannah (now Ying Li again) was already adopted and the adoption was dissolved.

Lydia has severe drug allergies that I was not informed of at referral and I was asked prior to adoption (during the harmonious period) if I was okay with that situation. (Lydia had a near death experience in China when they administered antibiotics to her for pneumonia when she was 2 months old --I knew she had pnemonia and I knew she had almost died, but I didn't know it was the drugs that almost killed her as opposed to the disease itself.) No one mentioned an exchange, but they did check to make sure I wasn't upset about it.

[specialk4b]

Originally Posted by crick

Maybe a new direction for the thread...

How can this situation perhaps be avoided in the future? What kind of education or things should everyone be aware of?

Well said, Crick...

I've avoided commenting because I don't want to be judgmental of a situation where I don't know all the details.

I do think it's imperative that prospective adoptive parents discuss how will they responds if/when their child is sick, malnourished, or fails to bond right away.

I think it's also important to think about what it means to have a public blog. Whe you put yourself out there on the WWW, and ask for comments, you open yourself up to criticism, founded or unfounded.