[lovemybulldog]

I know this is a controversial topic, so I don't want to start any flaming depates, but does anyone know how children are disciplined in the orphanages in China?

We are adopting a toddler, and I would like to know how he will perceive certain discipline approaches. I don't want to give time outs if the isolation will be more counterproductive than something like a pat of the butt (Notice I didn't say spank!) or eye contact and stern no.

I don't want to assume that the way I was disciplined growing up is automatically how I should correct a child with a very different background.

Thanks!

[Lissa]

I don't know how they discipline in China...good question that I'd love to know the answer to if someone cares to share!

Most SW's advise "time in's" for adopted children. It's harder on the parent, but as many of the children were not given as much attention as any child deserves, a time out doesn't work for many. (They do for Lydia though!! But she was given a lot of attention in Desheng which I've heard is atypical.) Anyway, in a time in you lovingly hold the child so they cannot continue with the offending action, but at the same time they know they are loved and cared for...for more information you may want to visit http://www.attach-china.org/ which gives more informationabout attachment disorders with people who have childen from China.

[elemomma]

This is info that I wanted too. So, I talked with a missionary in China who works closely with the SWI's in her area. She said that the babies get their hands popped regularly for putting their hands in food. I could see that this may have been plausible with Eleenah. She would not pick up any food, or reach her hands toward the bowl. She was like a little bird just sitting there opening her mouth. My friend also said that timeouts are used in the toddler area. When they get in trouble they are sent to their beds and reprimanded on the way over there. We got Eleenah at 10 months and she wasn't crawling, so I don't think this ever happened to her. Eleenah now at 15 months is the easiest child. I know not all are this easy, but I had to tell my other two no alot more and remove them from certain situations at this age. The only thing Eleenah has been reprimanded for is pulling the dirty knives out of the dishwasher. I gave a very firm "NO" and she melted into the floor and buried her face and had a whole come apart session.

I agree with the time in theory though. I think once your child has become secure, that other measures can be used. I am a child development specialist, and I know that security is a big factor in discipline. All kids grave order and discipline in their lives, but they need to feel secure for certain types of discipline to be effective. No matter what form of discipline you decide on, make sure your child knows that the reason you tell them no, or discipline them is because you love them. Your love will make them want to please you!

[odi]

Our daughter also melted anytime discipline was used in the first few months. Just a no would make her upset. Another child in our travel group pulls down and covers her head when told no so I felt physical discipline was used on our kids. I really feel like getting to her level, calming explaining and showing what I wanted was much more effective than the no's. We used lots of "gentle touch" after she had hit and then talk about why gentle feel better......
Diana

[SofiasMom]

you might want to check out this book

"Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft"

[joyfulme3x]

Thanks so much to the poster above for mentioning the possibility that it may be common in SWIs for kids to get their hands popped for reaching for food...
this may explain my newly-home 13-month-old daughter's behavior at mealtimes. She will eat finger foods directly off of a highchair tray or directly off of a placemat on a table, but she will NOT eat off of a plate--in fact, if I put a plate of food in front of her she will not touch it but will look up at me, sometimes with tears in her eyes, and wait for me to put the bites in her mouth (and this is a child who NEVER rejects food otherwise). We've been home 2 weeks now and I have begun to be able to get her to eat off of a plate with lots of encouragement but she still always hesitates and seems extremely concerned about it.

Interesting!

[cooperbabe]

that makes me sad to think these little ones are disciplined for something as natural (in my eyes) as eating

I understand the SWI's have to maintain some order, but still