[Mak368]

Hi all!

If my mother and mother-in-law want to travel with us to China, what do they all need to do?? Do they just need to get their passports, or is more required?? Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Michelle

[Paul&Dee]

They will need to get a visa also

[SofiasMom]

passports and visa from the Chinese consulate. they might also want to get shots (Hep, Tetnus, etc).

Optional: guidebooks. I'm always amazed at travelers who don't look at a map or read a guidebook before going on a trip overseas.

[sak9645]

Talk with your agency. The folks will need to know, sooner rather than later, that your mother and mother-in-law will be accompanying you, because the agency makes your hotel reservations, in-country travel arrangements, and guide/translator/tour bus arrangements. Your agency will need to know how many hotel rooms your party will need, and if you have special requests -- for example, for a suite, if one is available.

While I think it is wonderful that your mother and mother-in-law want to accompany you, make sure that YOU feel comfortable having them along. Ask yourself questions like the following, before accepting their offer to travel with you:

1. How is their health? People with chronic health issues may not want to take the trip. The Chinese health care system is very different from the American one, and services such as emergency assistance (911/rescue squad) won't be available. It may be difficult for a person whose diabetes, heart disease, etc. "kicks up" to find adequate medical resources to manage the problem. Environmental conditions, such as air pollution, can worsen pre-existing problems, such as asthma or chronic bronchitis. Many travelers to China also pick up respiratory or gastrointestinal "bugs", which can also worsen the condition of a person with a chronic illness. Even if appropriate medical resources are available, you will find that juggling the needs of a new child and a sick parent will be very stressful.

2. Do they have physical limitations? China does not have anything like the Americans With Disabilities Act, and travel can be very difficult for people who get about with wheelchairs, canes, prosthetic limbs, joint replacements, etc. Curb cuts are almost non-existent. Most buildings are accessed by stairs, with no handicapped entrance or elevators. Extensive walking is generally required during tours. Many airplanes will be accessed by stairs, not jetways. Your parents will have to manage their own baggage, and sometimes yours, so a person shouldn't go if he/she expects you to manage all the luggage, or expects porters to be widely available. (They aren't, and sometimes luggage carts are in short supply, too.) Hotel rooms equipped for people with physical limitations (walk-in showers, raised toilets, grab bars, etc.) are not likely to be available outside major cities. You don't want to face the problem of a parent who can't keep up with the group without substantial work on your part.

3. How flexible are they? China is a very different country from the U.S., and a person who wants everything to be "just like at home" is simply not going to do well. The beds may be different (rock hard twin beds are often the norm in hotels outside the biggest cities), the bathrooms may be different (squatty potties in public places), the food may taste different even if it is called "Western", people may not line up neatly to board a plane, etc. Also, "glitches" often arise during the adoption trip, and people need to be able to take them in stride, with a good dose of humor. Neither you nor your group will enjoy a travel partner who can't relax and enjoy the differences that make China travel unique.

3. Do they have realistic perceptions of their role? The China adoption trip is not a vacation. Yes, they will get to tour your child's province with your group, and, yes, there will be some times when it would be appropriate for them to go off on their own, possibly to take pictures of a site that you won't get a chance to see because your child is sick, or to find a certain type of souvenir that you'd like. But, overall, they are traveling to help you and to share in the "blessed event" that is your adoption. There will be times when they will be stuck in an office, while you fill out paperwork. There will be times when their role needs to be running out in search of something you need -- sippy cups, say, or a different style of nipple. There will be times when they will need to babysit so you can take a shower or catch a nap, and other times when they will need to "disappear" for a while, so that you can have some private moments with your spouse and child. They will need to understand that you probably won't be available for visits to a fancy restaurant or a nighttime event, and that you cannot be expected to entertain them.

4. How sensitive are they? Some of the worst problems that arise when parents or inlaws travel with an adoptive family, relate to their lack of sensitivity to the new family's needs. Some grandmas want to "take over", because they think that since they raised you or your spouse, they can tell you all about child care. In fact, most first-time parents NEED to find out things on their own. It really helps them bond with the child and develop confidence in their parenting skills to go through the process of learning what he/she likes and dislikes, what his/her various cries mean, and so on. And parenting an adopted child isn't going to be the same as parenting a bio one. The child is likely to be grieving and scared, and the parents need to be the ones to set rules about who may hold or bathe him/her, for example, to promote adjustment and attachment. The grandparents' ideas may simply be unsuitable. The parents may also need some private time, to adjust to going from couplehood to parenthood, and to celebrate one of the highlights of their marriage. On the other hand, grandparents who are complainers, who want the focus to be on them, or who go off totally on their own also are a problem. Most new Moms want SOME help and advice, but simply don't want to be overwhelmed with it, or to be made to feel stupid and inadequate if they don't know something.

All in all, it's wonderful to share a special time with your family and friends. However, to avoid disaster, think very carefully about the people you choose as companions on the trip. Going without a companion (relative or friend) -- even for a single person or a married person traveling without his/her spouse -- may be preferable, in some cases, to going with one who could make the trip a nightmare.

Sharon


Sharon

[odi]

My mom traveled with me and it was great and horrible at the same time. Do tell your agency early (most are fine with other travelers). Do recomend the tetnaus and hep shots. Then I recomend that you think about the days of your life where you have had the most stress, been so tired you could barely sit up. Now would you want your family there or would you want a little space. I am more of the space when I am stressed out so having my mom always there was a little hard. On the other hand two families in our travel group also had parents or other family mambers there and they all had a great time. But they also both had two rooms and the family didn't come to 100% of the things where as my Mom was in my room and never went anywhere without me.
Diana

[chinagirl2006]

My mom & sister are traveling with us. Thanks for the info & tips. They did have their shots updated & we know to let our agency know about them for hotel / airfare. If DH & I need some alone time, at least my mom & sister will have each other to shop & site see. They have been told that that may happen too.

[ChinaMamaWannaBe]

Curious, guys... are vaccinations REQUIRED or not?

[sakelley]

vaccinations are not required, just recommended

[richard p.]

If they are not good travelers they will have a very hard time. I too feel that it is important for you and partner to bond with the child. I really do not see how much help they can be if you are going with your husdand. They will be much more help when you get back. (my .02)

[chinagirl2006]

We're not so much bringing my mom & sister to help us. Its more about them experiencing us getting our baby. Just like I would probably have my mom & sister in the delivery room if we got pg. Its just something I don't & they don't want to miss out on.

[sak9645]

ChinaMamaWannaBe,

Here is something that I posted earlier, which may be helpful:

No immunizations are REQUIRED to enter China or return to the U.S. after the China trip. However, these are my recommendations for immunizations that are good to have and for those that aren't needed. Just remember that I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV!

1. Tetanus. All adults, not just people traveling to China, should have a tetanus booster every ten years unless they are allergic to the components of the vaccine. The reason is that tetanus is a truly life-threatening illness, which is surprisingly easy to get. All you need to do is to walk outside in your own backyard in bare feet, and step on something sharp, such as a rusty nail. The tetanus "bug" -- Clostridium tetani -- often lives in soil that has been contaminated by animal wastes; you don't even need to have a pet at present, for the soil to be contaminated. But you can also get tetanus almost anytime you suffer an open wound. Tetanus is found even in house dust.

Tetanus causes such severe muscle spasms that some people are unable to breathe or swallow. In this country, if a person gets tetanus,he/she can be cared for in a well-equipped intensive care unit, and about 90% of affected patients will live. It is highly unlikely that such care -- or adequate diagnostic services -- would be available in China.

2. Hepatitis A. Hepatitis A is a food- and water-borne disease. You get it by what is called the "fecal-oral" route. In other words, you acquire it by inadvertantly getting microscopic amounts of contaminated stool in your mouth.

In this country, you can get it if you eat in a restaurant and an affected food handler fails to wash his/her hands after using the toilet, then touches your dinner. Overseas, you can get it in countries that have an antiquated water system, like Mexico or China, where sewage sometimes gets into the water supply. You can also get it in countries that use human waste to fertilize crops, like China. You can even get it by changing the diaper of an infected child,under conditions where handwashing facilities are not available (e.g., on a tour bus in China). A child can get it by mouthing toys handled by an infected child who has recently touched his/her diaper area.

Hep. A is not generally a life-threatening disease in people with normal immune systems, and it has no long-term implications. However, you can be really miserable for several weeks -- or even a few months -- with diarrhea, nausea, stomach pain, low-grade fever, fatigue, and such, and you don't really need that as a new parent. You will be infectious to others, unless you practice scrupulous hygiene.

You can reduce the likelihood of getting Hep. A by being very careful about what you eat and drink in China. Follow the CDC guidelines carefully. However, even some people who thought they were being careful have come down with Hep. A while traveling overseas. Do remember that, even if you get the Hep. A shots, you will still have to be careful about eating and drinking, while in China, since there are many other "bugs" lurking in the food and water. I received the Hep. A shots and ate sensibly, and had no "tummy troubles."

3. Hepatitis B. Normally, a person traveling abroad does not need Hep. B shots unless he/she plans to have sex with strangers or share needles in illicit drug use, since the virus is transmitted in blood and bodily fluids, like HIV. HOWEVER, adoptive families are at special risk.

Hep. B is endemic in the Chinese population. Unlike in most countries, where it is usually transmitted sexually or via illegal drug use, it is generally transmitted from mother to infant in the birth process. Some of the children who come into the orphanage system will be positive for Hep. B, as a result. China tests for Hep. B and does not knowingly refer a Hep. B positive child to a family unless the family requests a child with this special need. However, the tests aren't foolproof overseas, and some children will test negative in China, but test positive once they arrive home. As
a result, parents who deal with nosebleeds, poop explosions, and so on, in China, could possibly get the disease.

Hep. B can be asymptomatic. However, it can cause serious illness, and some people will wind up with cirrhosis of the liver or liver cancer, long-term. Therefore, it is not an illness that should be treated casually. Moreover, although there are some medications that can minimize the effects of the virus, there is no sure cure.

I had the Hep. B series prior to adoption, since I was at risk of contact with infected bodily fluids as a volunteer in a children's hospital. During my four years as a volunteer, I changed many diapers and cleaned up children who had explosive birthmom. I was once splashed with blood from a nosebleed (fortunately, the child had no infectious diseases), and I had children vomit on me several times.

4. Typhoid. My comments about typhoid are the same as those for Hep. A. This is a food- and water-borne disease, common in countries with inadequate water systems and food hygiene safeguards. The likelihood of getting it can be reduced by eating and drinking according to the CDC guidelines. Still, since there is some risk, many doctors recommend the typhoid shot. Others suggest getting this shot only if there has been an outbreak in the specific area to which you will be traveling. I did not get this shot, though I probably would if I were going to China again.

5. Japanese encephalitis. This is a mosquito-borne disease, common in Asia. It generally occurs in rural, agricultural areas -- for example, where there are flooded rice paddies that can be good breeding grounds for mosquitoes. The risk to adoptive families is considered very low, since most will NOT be going to rural areas where the disease is endemic and they will NOT be engaging in a lot of outdoor activity, such as bicycling, camping, or assisting on a farm. The CDC does NOT recommend immunization for families who will be making short trips, and staying primarily in cities. As a result, I did not choose to get this shot, and would not for an adoption trip.

6. Malaria. Malaria is transmitted by the anopheles mosquito. Mosquitoes tend to thrive mainly in rural, agricultural areas, as noted above. They also need warm weather in order to survive. While malaria is found in China, the CDC says that the risk to adoptive families is very low, since most travel will be to cities and popular tourist areas.

Nonetheless, it is a serious disease that, in some cases, can lead to death. Any person who comes down with an unexplained fever or flu-like illness after travel to China or any other places where malaria has occurred should be tested for the disease. A person who is very worried about the disease can take preventive medication orally;however, there are many side effects to the medication. I chose not to take this medication, and would not do so for an adoption trip.

7. MMR. The MMR is a vaccine that prevents measles, mumps, and rubella. These so-called "childhood diseases" tend to be much worse in adults than in children, although they are rarely fatal. Adults rarely get the diseases in this country, since most children are immunized against them at a young age.

Immunization against these diseases is rare in China. An adoptive parent can be exposed to these diseases during the China trip, since there have been incidents where families, arriving in their children's cities, have been informed that there has been an outbreak of disease, mainly measles, in their children's orphanage and that their children have been exposed or actually have the disease.

Immunization is generally recommended if a prospective parent has not had ALL THREE of the diseases. There is no harm in immunizing if the parent has had one, but not all, of the diseases. A person concerned about immunization side effects can have titers done to see if he/she is immune to the diseases without the shots. I needed the shot for volunteering at a children's hospital; I had experienced rubella as a child, but not mumps or measles.

8. Chickenpox. Like measles, mumps, and rubella, this disease is common wherever immunization doesn't occur, and can be worse in adults than in children. Immunization is recommended for anyone who hasn't had the disease before, and may be exposed in China. Unlike the MMR, the chickenpox disease does NOT afford complete protection, and some immunized people may still get chickenpox. However, the person will usually get a much, much milder case of the disease than he/she would otherwise. Having had a bad case of chickenpox in childhood, I did not require this shot.

9. Pneumonia shot. Anyone who is asthmatic or has other chronic respiratory probems should probably have the pneumonia shot, since the likelihood of getting a respiratory illness, including pneumonia, in China is significant. The CDC also recommends the shot for diabetics. Remember that the shot protects only against pneumococcal
pneumonia. There are some other types, against which the shot is not effective.

10. Flu shot. If you are traveling in flu season, it may be a good idea to have the flu shot, and it should be considered extremely important for people who have chronic respiratory problems, such as asthma, or certain other conditions. Many adoptive parents get respiratory infections during the China trip, either from recirculated cabin air in airplanes; from their newly adopted children; from handling railings, money, and so on that may have been handled by someone with the disease and then putting hand to mouth; or by being in crowds of people, some of whom may be ill.

11. Polio. Polio, or poliomyelitis, is caused by a virus. It is usually spread by the fecal-oral route. While it does not always cause severe illness, it CAN cause paralysis. It can also cause death if the muscles involved in breathing become paralyzed. Even if a person subsequently regains the ability to move paralyzed limbs, there can be lifelong weakness.

Polio has been almost completely eradicated through worldwide immunization programs. China is believed to be totally free of polio at this time. However, since polio is endemic in six countries -- Afghanistan, India, Pakistan, Nigeria, Niger, and Egypt -- and since travelers from Nigeria spread the disease to several other African countries in 2003-2004, your physician may want you to get a polio booster before travel, since polio could spread to Asia next. This recommendation is most likely to be made if you did not complete the full series of immunizations as a child. I did not get a booster before traveling, but might consider getting one in the future.


Sharon

[ChinaMamaWannaBe]

Sharon - thanks for sharing that with me!! I appreciate it.