[mesis]

My sister and Brother-in-law are adopting from China - they just recieved DTC status. I am so excited to meet my niece and am so excited for them! I would love to have any advice that you would like to give for an aunt.

For example -
do you like having people at the airport after receiving your child - or would you prefer having a week or two (or more) without visitors? I would just ask her - but I know she will say whatever I want is great.

Do you have any gifts that you think are really nice. I was thinking about making her a 100 wishes quilt - collecting pieces from friends and family. And about getting her a Corelle Calin Yang Pastel doll. And a bunch of regular baby stuff. Are these things you would like to receive - or do you have any other ideas?

Did you want a shower? If so, Before you received your baby - or maybe a few months after? Or is there something else that I could do for them instead?

Any other advice you would give to an aunt?

Thanks all!

[TaraL]

Let me first say that you are going to be an awesome aunt and apparently are already a wonderful sister. How thoughtful you are to be so proactive in your sister's adoption journey. Your niece is going to love having you as an aunt.

You have brought up so many good questions but I will have to say that many of the answers vary from person to person. I will tell you how I would feel but take it with a grain of salt.

We loved having our close family members at the airport. It was such a wonderful, tears of joy, kind of experience. We had both sets of grandparents, my brother in law and sister in law, my husband's aunt and uncle and my best friend who is our daughter's God-mother. I loved it and the pictures we have our priceless! Some people don't want anyone around for a few days or even weeks. They want time to bond with the baby first. Olivia had no problems with bonding with us and I was more than happy to have the help when we got home as I was exhausted. I think it depends how the child is doing while in China with your sister.

The gift items you mentioned are wonderful!!!!

The shower is another thing that varies. We received our referral 11/15/04. My best friend and my mom had my shower (which wasn't a suprise) for me on 10/24/04. Because we didn't know anything about Olivia till after the shower I was sure to register. I think it made things much easier for those buying presents as this was new to many of them. On the invitation my friend just wrote that we were expecting a baby girl between 10 and 12 months. We lucked out--Olivia was 11 mos at time of referral. Of course she only wore 6-9 mos clothing when we got her. There are so many great gifts that you can buy that are needed for any baby. There are many people who would rather wait until they had their referral to have a shower and some would rather wait till they came home. I was more than happy to have it when I did. I had everything I needed before Olivia came home and had the whole nursery set up plus it was way too busy between referral and travel time.

I hope I helped. If you have any other questions please post them. I love seeing families get so excited like this. There was so much excitement for our daughter coming just as it would be if I was pregnant. The best thing I think you can do, and actually you appear to be doing it, is treat your sister like an expectant mother. I think so many times that adoptive moms feel left out of the all the pre-baby preparations and feelings because families treat it differently than someone who was pregnant. Just my opinion.

Congratulations to your whole family!

[Trace7]

You can certainly check with your sister - but my DH and I can't wait for our families to meet us at the ariport when we get home! That is something we dream about

Your gift ideas are so wonderful and thoughtful! She will love them!

And yes, yes, yes - a shower is a great idea. This will be our first baby, and we will really appreciate a shower (or two) because we need tons of baby stuff. People plan to have showers for us between referral and travel.

[jasonsmom]

It's wonderful that you want do so much! I know I'd appreciate it.

I haven't gone yet but I'm expecting people to be at the airport and would be hurt if no one was. Just spread the word that although people can ooh and aah over the baby, depending on the child, the parents may not want anyone to actually hold her at first.

Your gift ideas are great.

I definitely want a shower. I told DH to let my mom and MIL know I'd rather wait until referral so I have a better idea of what I'll need. I read that it's a good idea to have all the ideas for the shower ready (invitations, decorations, etc) so that as soon as the referral comes a date can be set and invitations sent.

I don't know if you can work it but, one thing that I've heard that is great is having someone either stay with you for a couple days when you get home or at a close hotel to help out with the daily chores (not the baby, but laundry, cooking, errands). Between the time change and a new baby, many people are much more wiped out than they thought they'd be. My sister is staying at a hotel near us when we come home (no room in our house).



Paula

[mesis]

Thanks for all of the posts!

I asked my sister and brother-in-law if they would like me to be at the airport. My sister said either way is fine (of course) - but my brother-in-law said that he was really hoping that we would be there. So for now I will plan to make the flight to be there - but plan to stay at my parents about 30 min away (rather than at their house) to insure they have their space. Then I will plan to visit them again and stay with them after a few months - or whenever they are ready

So now my question is what is generally done at the airport? Do people make 'welcome home' or 'we love you' etc. signs??? Did anyone have anything that they really liked done for them?

[jt421_2000]

I have adopted twice and each is different. My first we had a huge crowd at the house ...bad idea our daughter HATED us and it was way too much for all of us. The second time my son a toddler was a easy adoption we could have had the whole airport there and he would have been happy. But the flight was delayed 2 1/2 hours in China and it threw everyting off. We rented a limo and all rode home in it which was nice, but it was too late to do anything by the time we arrived.
You will get the feel on how the trip is going while there are there. I rented a phone while I was there and kept in contact with home and gave updates. I believe I talked 1/2 hour a day and my bill was under $300.
You are a great aunt!!

[chinagirl2006]

If this is their 1st baby, they for sure need a shower. Adoptive parents need the supplies & equipment too. We've had 1 shower so far. I know of 1 coming up in Sept which will be before we travel. And my dad's family wants to have it after we return...so its up in the air on when that'll happen...whenever we feel comfortable.

Oh yeah...on the shower invites I told them what size clothing I would prefer because we're the 1st in our families to adopt. Since my mom, aunt, cousin & I have done a ton of clothes shopping already, we don't need the smaller stuff. So ask your sister what size clothing to put on the invites. We registered also so everyone would know what we need...I didn't want to get newborn stuff. I think I've had my registery for a year now! Its like a very long pregnancy.

As for the airport. Our agency recommends not having a crowd because it can add more stress to the baby. Since we're new to this adoption stuff, we're going to do what they say. If we do have anyone at the airport it would be the grandparents & that's it. But like others said before, talk to them while their in China to see how the baby is doing to see if he/she can handle it.

You're definately a great aunt for checking into these things

[TaraL]

There were 9 (not too big) people at the airport waiting for us (my parents, dh's parents, dh's brother and his wife, dh's aunt and uncle, and my best friend who is my daughter's God-mother). These were people who were there for us through all the ups and downs of our process (we had alot of rough spots). It was important for them to meet this wonderful little sweetheart that we, and them, have been waiting on for so long. It was the most amazing moment when they first saw Olivia. There were lots of tears and nothing but sheer joy. I love to talk about and think about that incredible day and still get teary a year and a half later.

As far as what they had to welcome us. Well they had a balloon that said Welcome Home. This was a big hit with Olivia (she was 13 mos that day) and brought quite a bit of giggles from her. My best friend had roses for the new mommy! And my mom (you can always count on mom) had my favorite iced tea (its my addiction) ready for me as I went 18days without one. We spent about an hour or two in the airport taking pictures and allowing my dh's side to get to know Olivia as they went back home in another direction as they live 3 hours from us. Olivia was thrilled with all the attention and didn't mind who held her as long as she could see dh and I. I will never forget a man coming up to my SIL at the airport and saying "My wife and I are leaving this airport filled with happiness after watching your family and all the love they have right now." The wife was almost in tears.

After the airport my parents and best friend came back to our house to help us get settled. Olivia actually ate tiny pieces of pizza that night. She was a true American!

We had no problems with Olivia bonding or anything like that regardless who came around. We did the actual caregiving. Everyone else just sat and stared happily at her and gave a few kisses and tickles which she loved.

I don't know how much of this helped but it certainly gave me a moment to go back in time to a wonderful memory. LOL!

[MBA62]

My dh travelled alone to pick up our daughter. I took our two older children with me to greet them at the airport. We had planned on a crowd but dh said she was pretty timid and that only we should greet them. He was sooo right. Our daughter took one look at me and the kids and broke into tears. She cried for about an hour. Within 24 hours, she was letting me hold her. I was so glad my dh was so insightful; what a disaster a large crowd would have been (I'll add that I was disappointed not to have a big gathering). Your sister will have a good idea what to do once she has her baby.

As for gifts, I can tell you I've always loved hand made items. I have every blanket, sweater, etc. that was ever given to my children and will save them for that time when they have their families. That said, babies need a ton of things and I'm sure any gift you would buy would be so appreciated by your sister.

To echo others, you sound like a blessing to your sister. She must be so excited about her baby and to have you sharing her excitement is awesome. Many good wishes to you and yours.

Mary

[MBA62]

My dh travelled alone to pick up our daughter. I took our two older children with me to greet them at the airport. We had planned on a crowd but dh said the baby was pretty timid and that only we should greet them. He was sooo right. Our daughter took one look at me and the kids and broke into tears. She cried for about an hour. Within 24 hours, she was letting me hold her. I was glad my dh was so insightful; what a disaster a large crowd would have been (I'll add that I was disappointed not to have a big gathering). Your sister will have a good idea what to do once she has her baby.

As for gifts, I can tell you I've always loved hand made items. I have every blanket, sweater, etc. that was ever given to my children and will save them for that time when they have their families. That said, babies need a ton of things and I'm sure any gift you would buy would be so appreciated by your sister.

To echo others, you sound like a blessing to your sister. She must be so excited about her baby and to have you sharing her excitement is awesome. Many good wishes to you and yours.

Mary