[AndieG.]

I totally hate my job right now. I don't dislike being an executive administrator, just hate working in the department I am working in. We are a large corporation, but the campus I work on is a "satellite" office. We have about 400 people. Most people report to someone in another state. My department was part of an acquisition, so we are unique. There aren't other opportunities.

My husband told me it wasn't worth it to keep working since it has caused a lot of anxiety problems. Fortunately, we can survive on his paycheck (but not by much). Hubby said he would go back to eating rice & bean as well as bologna sandwiches if it brought me back to him. He says (and it is true) when I get home I worry about the work I have the next day and the weekends I am too paralyzed to do anything but think about Monday. Not good, I know.

Are there any other women or men who stay at home and don't have kids and preparing for an adoption? I feel weird about staying home and not working. I feel weird spending all those years in college and not doing anything with my education.

Hubby said it would be a good time to figure out how to run a household (I am domestic goddess challenged), manage the budget/bills, and get the baby room ready. He also said our house needs some home improvement, so I could try to tackle those projects.

[KDhappygal]

We moved from the East Coast to the West Coast just as we decided to try and start our family. So, I didn't work for a year or so. I was actually a little shocked to find that I loved not working.

I was definately more relaxed and I slept better too!

I did go back to work for one year right before our first daughter arrived. It started as just a little something to do and I was able to work from home. Then DH was let go from his job and my just a little something to do became a full time thing. I stopped working again once Gabriella arrived and of course, have never looked back.

[LucindaM]

Hi Andie,
I come at your problem from a different angle. We are getting ready to begin our paperchase for our new daughter. I have already been a stay at home Mom for our 4 grown children. I have to say that I never regretted the decision to be at home with my children. The running joke around our house was that Mom's college degree was in her underwear drawer (true). I worked until our first son was born then I went back to college to finish up a degree and managed to do that just in time for our second son's birth. My husband was career military and was gone alot so we decided that it would be better to have me home full time. Yes it can be a struggle, we did without things that other people take for granted, like new cars every couple of years. You just learn to use it up or wear it out! I got the best payback though, when my oldest son was getting ready to board his plane for college he gave me a big hug and said that he wanted me to know how much it meant to him growing up to know that I was always there. I am now in business with my son so I suppose I will have to deal with both worlds now. I will be a stay at home Mom with a job....I guess its a good thing I work at home! Good luck to you and trust me, you will never regret staying at home with your little one.

Lucinda (AKA: The Domestic Goddess)

[happitails]

Hi Andie,


I am kinda in the same situation. I worked in an office my entire adult life. The last job that I was at, I had been there for 3 years, and was on my way up the "ladder". One day, I realized how miserable I was, and how much of a toll it was taking on my family life. We too can (barely) survive off of dh's paycheck.

So, long story short, I quit! That was 3 months ago. We are paper-chasing for #1, and some days it is quite hard. I think of all of the money that I could be contributing to the adoption expenses. We are taking each step as we can afford it, and if I were still working, we would be much farther along.

About 2 months ago, I went in to business for myself (can you guess what I do?). It is finally picking up slowly. Last month, I made $500. Not much (not even one weeks pay from old job), but I am SOOOO much happier. And it is so worth the sacrifices. And I know that I will be the one raising my daughter!!

Please pm me if you would like to talk more about it. I know that for myself, it was the right decision, and I also know that some days, it really helps to know that I am not alone in this.

Sorry that this got so long.....I am a chatter by nature

[HopefulMommy]

Hi Andie,

When I read your thread, I must admit, I had to chuckle. My fun job right now is as an administrative assistant. But I have to admit my role is completely different from an executive admin. Frankly, I am already a wife, I don’t need to do it for a living  ( I see what those executive administrators go through, bless your heart!)


My DH works for the company that makes those big green tractors and we were transferred to Fargo, ND. I was loving my jobs in IL. I was a consultant dietitian and teaching at the local community college. When we moved here we began our paper chase. I decided that I wasn’t going to work, right away because I was going to get the house ready.

An opportunity came along and now I work just long enough to get me out of the house, (and feed my shoe habit) but still am able to keep up on the on the house work. I too am domestic goddess challenged (have you heard of the “fly lady” she has helped me out, google her!) I think I am missing a gene or something.

Sometimes, when I am at work I think, I went to college and grad school for this. But I then remind myself, that my commitment to my husband, marriage and when we get her, our daughter is more important than anything, I calm down. I plan on staying at home fulltime when we get back with her

Don’t worry about what others think, and don’t worry about “not using” you college education. My mom used to say “Educate a man, educate on person. Educate a woman, Educate a family” (Sorry if that offends any men, but it helps give me power)

So my advice is QUIT! Feel free to PM me, may be we could come up with the waiting to adopt, eat nutritiously and cheep, lose wt and pay for your adoption with the money you save on food cook book!

[prechrswife]

I am currently a stay-at-home wife, and we are waiting on referral of child #1. Ours situation is this: I am a school teacher, and dh and I have always planned for me to be a SAHM when we had children. I did not want to leave a class full of Pre-k students in the middle of a school year, so I resigned at the end of the 2004-2005 school year. At the time, we were expecting to travel around February of 2006. Then the referral delays started, so as it turns out, I could have finished another school year. That said, I am much less stressed out than I am when I am working full time. Yes, the extra year's salary would have been nice, but there's no use looking back at that. I have been able to get some things done around the house that needed to be done (painting, putting together the nursery, etc.), and we've started an online business. All-in-all, it has been a good experience. The key for me is finding ways to stay busy. Sometimes I wonder when I had time to work.

[lovemybulldog]

I have to say that all my life I looked forward to being a SAHM, but now that I am getting closer to the time when I could actually make that dream come true, I am in the positions of A) The cost of living in my region of the country is not SAHM friendly, and B) I absolutely love my job and company.

I did not graduate with a degree, so I don't have that weighing on me, but I worked my way up through my company and now feel like I would be getting a divorce of sorts if I were to ever leave completely.... So, I've worked out a plan with my bosses that I will take an extended leave, then come back gradually via remote office and eventually both remote and flex hours.

I do believe though, that if I didn't love what I do, I would quit with my husband's blessing. I don't think it's ever worth spending so much time away from home and family if it means causing stress, which may eventually lead to things like depression, health problems, resentment, and sometimes divorce.

Go with your gut! I think with some time, the feelings of guilt over being a stay at home with no kids will change and you will begin to feel pride in what you are doing to better your marraige, home environment, and eventually mothering skills...

Good luck to you!

[L_M_D]

My situation is similar to yours, prechrswife. We had planned for me to be a SAHM after adopting our daughter. At the time our dossier was logged in at the CCAA, referrals were at around 6 months (July 13), so we were planning for a January referral.

I gave notice at work in September, and stayed thru October after helping interview and train my replacement. We figured I would have a few months to prepare before our referral.

Of course, right after I left my job, the brakes went on in China. I couldn't go back to my job, and we decided to just have me stay at home. I have had many feeling of "guilt" over the past 6 months...."I could have been making money" etc. but my wonderful DH stated the obvious...."you were planning on not working, we don't have the baby yet, but we still need to get used to one salary".

Of course he is right, but it still doesn't help that this little voice keeps saying.."ooh, we could have had x-dollars more towards our travel".

I have had the time to catch up on reading, get the house ready, her room ready (basically!), and am now taking golf lessons!

All in all it has been a good decision.

Laura

[ncturtle]

Hi.. I don't post much, put thought I would chime in. My husband worked for a large company for several years and was finally so stressed out with the multiple mergers/aquisitions/re-orgs that he was very mucy like you! Stressed all the time - even on vacation and he was getting very jumpy and snippy and really no fun to be around.. We finally decided that he would quit his job.. WOW - what a change! We have no kids - (other than the furry kind) , but with him staying home, he was much more relaxed.. and for me, the bonus was the the house was clean, the laundry and shopping done, etc.. It was really nice. It helped that I really liked my job and made enough that we did not have to change our lifestyle. After about 1 1/2 years of staying home, he decided to take another position - but after this experience, we decided that after our child is home and after my maternity leave, he will be the stay at home spouse.
Hope that helps!
Lisa

[looneytunes32]

I say Go for it!!! It'll give you lots of time to get things organized and get used to one income. Besides that, you mentioned that your DH said your quitting will bring you back. Your marriage is way more important than a job, so if it affects your home life in such a negative way then he is probably right, you should stay at home. Or find something else totally different that is much less stressful.


Just my .02...probably only worth half that!

[jdr233]

I am facing the same prospect but for different reasons. My husband accepted a position in Tokyo and we are leaving at the end of the month. I have worked my whole life and have always had the security of knowing I could support myself no matter what. I have never had to ask anyone for anything because I could always get what I wanted myself. What is scaring me is losing that independence, spending someone else's money, even if it is my husband's. In Tokyo I will only be allowed to work part time and only with the approval of the government. With my child on the way and our stepson living with us, I will be kept busy and will not look for anything right away. But I am a little concerned about the transition - not just from going from being this very independent person to one who is dependent on her husband for everything, but from that independent person to someone with another very little person who will depend on me for everything.

jennifer
chinanybaby.blogspot.com

[twoinblue]

Originally Posted by prechrswife

I am currently a stay-at-home wife, and we are waiting on referral of child #1. Ours situation is this: I am a school teacher, and dh and I have always planned for me to be a SAHM when we had children. I did not want to leave a class full of Pre-k students in the middle of a school year, so I resigned at the end of the 2004-2005 school year. At the time, we were expecting to travel around February of 2006. Then the referral delays started, so as it turns out, I could have finished another school year. That said, I am much less stressed out than I am when I am working full time. Yes, the extra year's salary would have been nice, but there's no use looking back at that. I have been able to get some things done around the house that needed to be done (painting, putting together the nursery, etc.), and we've started an online business. All-in-all, it has been a good experience. The key for me is finding ways to stay busy. Sometimes I wonder when I had time to work.

Dusty, I'm of the opinion there is no such thing as "Preacher's Wife" as if you get to stay at home and let your husband do all the work at the church. Your husband would not have this job if the congregation didn't like you and I'm sure they rely on you for a great deal of mentoring, organizing, and counseling going on. You are actually a co-pastor of your church even if you aren't a preacher.

[prechrswife]

Originally Posted by twoinblue

Dusty, I'm of the opinion there is no such thing as "Preacher's Wife" as if you get to stay at home and let your husband do all the work at the church. Your husband would not have this job if the congregation didn't like you and I'm sure they rely on you for a great deal of mentoring, organizing, and counseling going on. You are actually a co-pastor of your church even if you aren't a preacher.

Thanks, Julie.