[Happy2Bhere]

Is it me?
I have a 2 1/2 year old. I keep her in my sight at all times. I think it's common sense.
A few weeks ago- we were going around the block on her bike, and we saw a man & child out in their yard. I said "Oh, it's nice to have neighbors in the block with kids!" Then they said they also have a 2 1/2 year old. (I had seen the 4 year old)
SO, the next night, Annabelle was out in the yard, and saw the kids & yelled "Hi Guys!" The dad waved, and let the 4 year old & 2 1/2 year old cross the street & come play in the yard. The kids went inside the house & played for over an hour. The dad came over later & got them. I still don't know the dad or moms names, and they don't know ours. I thought it was unusual, but it wasn't me sending my child into someone elses house I didn't know.
So, everynight, the kids cross the street & come over to play, in the house. The other night, my daughter got a pool. The kids were out playing, and saw her, went inside, came out with swimsuits & crossed the street & came over swimming.
They are cute kids, and my daughter loves playing with kids, but I find it odd- first of all, they aren't invited- they just come, now every night, and secondly- I have NO idea what the parents names are, and they don't know ours- and I couldn't pick them out of a crowd.
Is it me? I mean, I would have REAL trust issues to let my 2 1/2 year old go into someone's house for hours- not knowing the inside of the house (safety, etc) let alone someone I DONT know.
Just strikes me as odd- wanted to know if I was the oddball, or the neighbors down the block?
Thanks for letting me "vent"
Melissa (Overprotective mom?)

[drmalcolm]

Hi Melissa,
I find it odd and presumptuous that they allow children so small to just come on over. I'm very overprotective-- I know this!--so I honestly can't even imagine doing this, especially with the pool (I'm assuming it's a baby pool, but still--that means you have to watch 3 kids instead of just your one!).

I'm glad it's working out well so far, but I would introduce myself to the parents ASAP and give them your phone number, but make it seem like you're doing it for their benefit--"Here's my number to make it easier for you--you can call us in case we aren't outside" or something like that. Maybe they will take the hint that they really need to start asking if it's okay in case you all just want family time.

If the children just come over at at time when it's not good for you, I'd just say in the exaggeratedly sad voice that we use on kids, "Oh, guys, I'm so sorry, but we can't have you over to play right now..." and sort of frown. That way you aren't hurting the children's feelings and, since you've introduced yourself to the parents, you can turn to him and say, "Jim (or whatever the guy's name is), I'm sorry, we've actually got something going on tonight. How about Wednesday for them to come over?"

You're really sweet and accommodating, by the way! But, I do NOT think you are overprotective in the least--just normal!

Christina

[thundrrds]

Melissa;
I definitely agree with you and Christina. I never let my kids in other people's homes unless we know who they are and have established some sort of neighborly friendship.
And I don't let kids in our house who we don't know their parents etc and have ok'd it with the parents beforehand.

Joanne

[Happy2Bhere]

Hey- thanks for the replies.
I was starting to think it was just me.
The kids are nice, clean, not that I am worried about them coming in, but I wonder WHY the parents would LET them? Yes, we live in a nice neighborhood, but they don't know us!
Right now, we have a 5 1/2 year old girl here- her mom is dating the guy next door who we DONT know- and she came & knocked & said "Mom said I can play for an hour" She also has been coming for weeks.
I guess I always wanted our house to be kid friendly, and I PREFER Annabelle to have friends here, rather than go elsewhere, but I thought that about when she is a little OLDER.
We have a fenced in yard, TONS of toys, we're good people, I would hope people would trust us- we take excellent care of our daughter, and I would hope that would reflect on people we KNOW, but for a neighbor around the block, on the other side of the street, who DONT know us, and this neighbor guy we dont know, having his girlfriend send her daughter over- it is just beyond me!
I guess I won't keep writing the same thing, but it just blows my mind.
Annabelle is the light of my life, and the fact that she is adopted, to me- she is extra special & I think I owe it to Annabelle & her birthfamily, not to mention to for US, but for EVERYONE to keep her safe. It only takes ONCE for something to happen- then it's too late.
Ok, I'll stop.
Thanks again, and I wish the other "protective" moms who wrote were on our block :-)
Melissa

[elemomma]

I have experienced this same thing often. I have learned through life, that alot of parents just have children, because children happen. They don't want the responsibility of taking care of them and look for every opportunity to pawn them off onto someone else. Unfortunately, this makes people shy away from the children, when really it's all the parents fault.

Our neighbor last year left her daughter home all Summer since I lived next door. She never once asked me if this would be okay. The little girl showed up on our doorstep for breakfast around 7am every morning, and stayed through the afternoon. I realized through getting close to her, that she really wanted a parent. Kids, believe it or not, like structure, routine, and discipline. I took every opportunity last Summer to impart as much as I could on this young lady. We took her in and made her feel like she was part of our family. We may be the only way she ever sees what a family should be. By the way, we didn't know her parents either. Though it can be exhausting to take on children that you didn't ask for, just remember that they were rejected when their parents let them cross the street on their own, so please don't reject them. Children's hearts are fragile, and they will migrate to places where they feel safe and secure. Take it as a compliment, and yes, you are weird, because people like you are becoming harder to find. However, most of us on here are weird, because we all want our children, or we wouldn't be going to such great lengths to get them!

[StorkWatcher]

Melissa,
Think of all of us as your cyber-neighbors. When I read your post, I thought immediately of my sister. Then me. WHO sends a 2.5 year old across the street without an adult??? I don't care if the 4 year old is with her.

And NO WAY would I let my kids play inside someone's house without me until I had met with them several times and got to know them.

That said as my support and agreement, it is sweet that Annabelle has new playmates and that you let them come over.

If I were in your shoes, I would walk over to the parents and say something like, 'I just realized we've not formally introduced ourselves. My name is..... ' If you feel comfortable, you might invite them over one evening for drinks (thinking lemonade and iced tea here, it's summer time and family-friendly) saying that since the kids are getting to know each other, you thought it would be nice if the parents did too.

[sethsmommy]

I am amazed at some parents lack of responsibility. I have seen the same type of thing and it blows me away.

My son is almost 5 and I still hang out with him outside. I get the willies thinking of sending him out to play without me having him in sight. I guess I am weird too...lol

Gina

and our rule is...he is not allowed in other homes unless we have really gotten to know the family. We also don't allow other children in our house unless we really know the family and they know us. Just so the rule is consistent and safety for the other child. (even though we are totally safe) Playing outside is different...

[Ernabel]

Just be careful that these poepole don't take advantage of you. If they see you are nice and not saying anything to them about their children, they will just keep it up.

I am with all of you - that's just crazy! My son is 5 1/2 and no way would I let him just go to someone's house. Also, if a parent didn't come and check me out, I would automatically think that there is something wrong with them. Why wouldn't they check me out? They should check me out. What if I'm a weirdo? They don't know who is in your house and what they are doing with their children. You know you're normal, but they don't! That's just plain nuts.

[drmalcolm]

Wow, I can't believe some of these stories I am hearing! I just can't imagine the irresponsibility of some of these parents!

Laura, what you said about the neighbor next door assuming you would care for her child all summer made me so sad. What a kind woman you are--I am sure this child will remember that summer with you as a very special time. You really have a good heart.

One thing I think we've not touched on so much is liability--even though being the one whose house everyone comes to is a great thing because we can keep an eye on our own children, we need to make sure that we know these parents well enough to convey to them, look, I'm watching multiple children. If someone walks into the kitchen counter or trips over a chair, they need to be cool with understanding a cut or bruise. You just can't believe how litigious people can be when it's convenient for them.

Christina

[waiting4katie]

Thank you elemomma...beautifully put...food for thought...I really hope a lot of people read your reply...we sometimes forget about the big picture...even small and trivial things help shape our children's emotional well-being...again, I love what you said!

[Happy2Bhere]

Thanks again everyone.
I love Annabelle having playmates, and I know we are safe, but it's just "WHAT IS GOING THROUGH THEIR HEADS?" The kids are sweet- I would adopt all of them if I could, so having them here isn't an issue -I know how to send them away if we're busy, or when they've been here too long, which rarely is the case in our household. I just would never be on the flip side.
YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!
Melissa

[oleson1]

YIKES!!! My boys are 5 1/2 and 8, they STILL don't go to anyone's house without:

A.) Me meeting the parents (more than a "hi" in the street as they walk by...)
B.) Me talking to the other child's family at length to be sure that it is OK, and not just the kids making plans without the parent's consent.
C.) Either me dropping the kids off at the door or the other parents stopping by to pick them up.

My boys are good friends with our next door and back door neighbors and this STILL applies. You are right to be concerned. It is irresponsible parenting (and just plain rude) on their part to just assume you are OK with the kids being over. I agree with Christina, sometimes you may just have to tell them (as nicely as possible) that they just can't come over.

[lotsoflove]

I agree wow a 2.5 and 4 yr olds crossing the street and than going in a home the parents have never met is just plain crazy. I never let my kids go to anyones house espically if it WAS across the street and in a house where I have never met the parants. When I was in Germany at the play ground there was a 11 month and 25 month old boys in diapers all by them selves!?!?! I stayed to find out where these boys parents was and I was there with my 2. My girls was 4 and 2. When I was there the smallest almost hurt himself many times. I caught him before falling off the ladder to a steep metal slide, out of the street and not to mention from going in the woods. I did see a parent or maybe cause when I said "Are these your boys?" she did not answer. So I became a lil rude and said if I ever see your kids outside like this again I will call the SP's. Than I got an answer and heard well than do it cause I am through with watching them. Some parents need to just give up their rights if they do not want kids. Ok I am okk my soapbox.

[roseofchina]

I agree with everyone who has posted here. These days, you can't be too overprotective...even if you do know your neighbors. My daughter is 4 and loves to play with her 7-year-old friend across the street. We live on a dead-end with only 6 houses. We've known the family across the street for ages so I have no problem letting Whitley walk over to their house and vice-versa. With that being said however...living on a dead-end street does seem to invite strange cars over once in a while. Both my daughter and her friend have been taught to be NEVER get in a car with anyone without parent permission. But I still watch over her like a mother hen and she never leaves the yard without telling me. Plus we live beside my parents and they, too, are watchful. So, keep doing what you're doing and go ahead and be cautious. Our children are precious!

Sharon
dh - David
dd - Whitley Rose Hui

[Lissa]

All I have to say is WOW...

Why are they crossing the street by themselves?
Why are they allowed into a strangers house?
Why is there no parent helping you care for them in the yard?
And pool? Ah...no...that's way big an assumption (and liability on your part) and again watching a youngster in a pool is a huge responsibility which they should share.
Sounds like they are neglecting thier kids and you are becomming the seragate mommy.

P.S. I love my friends and have had their kids in my house without them before, but NEVER in a pool and if I were to have the kids in a pool at my house it will only be with thier parents present. Too many people are too happy to sue to get a pool involved.