[Lissa]

Some of us have our children and most of us have children we don't yet know...but they wait for us already born in China.

How will you celebrate Mother's Day and how (or will you) honor her Firstmom on this important day?

We are going out to eat for me, but for Lydia's Faraway mommy we are going to release Red balloons with a picture of Lydia attached.

[Nichole98]

Lissa,

I hope your first Mothers day with Lydia is wonderful!! I love the idea of the red balloon!!

[sunnysea]

Please don't release balloons!!!!

There are so many other alternatives out there. Perhaps planting a pretty red annual flower garden each year for her, planting a tree, writing a letter, drawing a picture, releasing butterflies...

The balloons so many release with good intentions litter natural areas - I've seen it first hand. They come down eventually. When they do, they mar the landscape and pose a threat to local wildlife who may try to eat the balloons creating intestinal blockage or get tangled in the strings. Here's more information:
http://www.ukrivers.net/balloon_fact.html

Sorry to be a bummer but after what I saw on virgin dunes on the east coast (open only to education groups with permission) I speak out whenever I can on this subject.

Mary

[smbcpc]

Hi Mary,

I am glad that you brought up this issue. I am a person who greatly appreciates nature and wildlife and tries to do anything within my power to conserve the landscape and care for the wildlife. However, I was unaware of the danger that balloons can pose. It makes sense though. Balloons are pretty to look at in the beginning but end up being trash.

Thanks again,
Sue

[Lissa]

Balloons aside, will anyone be doing anything to honor their child or soon to be child's Firstmom?

[ManyTimesBlessed]

Hope you don't mind me peeking in, even though I'm not adopting from China. I just wanted to say that I really liked your plan to honor your daughter's first mom on Mother's Day. Our kids are not home yet, but I think it would be really nice for us to do something like that in the future. Thanks for sharing a great idea!

[sunnysea]

Looking forward to seeing everyone's ideas. I've been thinking about this already, even though we have a long wait ahead of us. I love to garden and if our child shows an interest I'm thinking of dedicating an annual garden each year - our child can pick the flowers and help plant and watch the garden all summer long...and we can repeat each year, taking a photo of each one for her scarpbook.

Mary

[stayjay]

I had heard of a nice tradition that I plan to use. I think I read it on someone's blog.

This lady had 3 candlles, two larger ones and one smaller one. One large candle represented the adoptive mom, one represented birth mom and the small one represented the daughter. They would light all three and let them burn throughout the day as a reminder that her daughter had 2 moms in her life, each representing a part of her (her past & future).

Also, I have heard the the Sunday before Mother's Day is actually "Birthmom Day."

[Sean&Shan]

We are going to light a candle at church, but I also like the idea of planting a flower each year in a special part of the garden.

[joyfulme3x]

We plan to remember our child's first mother and first father too. I'm not sure whether we will incorporate a formal tradition into Mother's Day and Father's Day or whether we will select another day.
Right now our plan is to light a candle in remembrance of our child's original father and mother, and ancestors/extended family.
When our child is older I hope she'll be willing to guide us on how we can best remember her original family but while she is little this is what we'll do.

[KarenInCa]

Lissa, since we visited the SWI, I have considered Cady's first mom to be her Nanny, that cared for and loved her- without doubt, as a mother would, from 4 days old till 16 months.
I will raise my child have respect for her birth mother, as the woman that gave her life. But to honor her first mother (her nanny).
With that said, I'm not sure how we plan to do it on Mother's Day in the future. This time, she will not understand, but next year she would possibly understand the concept.
I like your idea. I've also considered the idea of lighting a candle for her birth mother, and another candle for whom we consider to be her first mother. We have pictures of her Nanny, and plan a return visit when we go back for number two (in an estimated 3 years), our plan is to leave a few days early and first visit JiaRong, her Nanny. So, it will be important to keep the memory of who she was for her, alive for Cady.
Great thread.

[SofiasMom]

We usually use Autumn Moon Festival as the time to remember my daughter's birth parents. Everyone looks up at the moon and remembers those far away (and supposedly her b-parents are doing the same thing in China).

[TaraL]

I have a different belief than many on this topic. To me Mother's Day is the day to honor the mother in your life who stayed up all night with you when you were sick, held you when you were sad, scared the monsters away from under your bed, and who would sacrifice her own life everyday for her child. Olivia was abandoned the day she was born so I don't really think that the bio mother has anything to do with Mother's Day. Please don't get me wrong. There are few days that go by that I don't think about Olivia's bio mother. I have a deep connection to a woman who I never met who lives on the other side of the world. I think if I would honor anyone it would be her Nanny who we have pictures of with Olivia. You can see the love and nurturing that she gave Olivia. I honor her everyday.

I don't call Olivia's bio mother her "first mommy" or anything like that because I really didn't want to confuse her and truly didn't believe that "mommy" was appropriate. I believe "mommy" is earned.

When I state my feelings here please understand that everyone here should do what feels best for them and I think everyone is right in what they do. I am looking at the ideas you all have shared as if at anytime we would honor Olivia's bio mother in the future it would probably be her birthday and these ideas seem approprate for anytime. I do believe though that I will let Olivia lead the way as to how, and if, she does it. Until then I will honor her bio mother in my heart.

Just my thoughts. Please no flames as this one came from the heart.

[Mailbox13]

This is definately one of those topics where there is no "right" answer. Each family has to decide what is best for them. We are still waiting on our referral, so I have no idea what our daughter's situation will be.

However, I do have a pretty good idea of what my son's was. We adopted him from Russia. His biological mother had no interest in him. She tried some form of a chemical abortion while she was pregnant with him. I thank God everyday that she was unsuccessful. The only reason he did no enter the orphanage on day one was because the Russian authorities made her breast feed him for two to three days in the hospital. She never visited the orphange after that.

All of that said, I don't feel anger or hate toward this woman. I just don't see anything about her actions that warrent honor. All indications are that this was not a mother who did what was best for her child, but what was best for her. Fortunately, it was also what was best for him.

I will not disparage her in front of my son. He will learn as he grows about his origins (age appropriate info of course). I would be more than happy to honor the women at the orphanage. They were very loving. I remember how my son's face would light up when they sang to him. I am grateful for how well these women took care of him while he was waiting for us. Considering how often government workers in Russia don't get paid, I know they couldn't have been doing it for the money.

I am not sure how or if we honor our daughter's biological mother. I may or may not know as much about her as I do my son's. I guess we will make that decision when we know more. I guess in a lot of respects, I am of a similar mind to TaraL.

[roseofchina]

Tara,
You expressed my feelings as well. I just didn't know how to say it without getting jumped on (not that anyone would intentionally). I believe I have been Whitley's mommy since the day she was found. I feel in my heart that she was meant to be mine and I was meant to be her mommy. I pray for her bio parents continually because I can only begin to imagine what they went through to give this precious angel up. I pray that somehow they will know that she is healthy, happy, and beautiful and loved more than anything in this world. I guess this sounds selfish but I have to say it...I waited a long time to be a mom and Sunday is my day. Whitley is so excited about it and I'm not going to confuse her by trying to bring in another person. When she is older and can truly understand how our family came to be then I'll let her decide what she wants to do. But I also like the Autumn Moon Festival idea someone mentioned previously. I know I'm probably not explaining this the best way...but that's just how I feel. Hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day and to those who are waiting to celebrate your first one...hang in there! Your day will come!

Sharon
dh - David
dd - Whitley Rose Hui
doa 9/17/02 Changsha, Hunan