[MissyAmomChina]

Hi All,

Obviously, this has been a rough time for waiting parents. I've always felt that in everyone's adoption journey, there are 2 experiences. One, something will go much smoother than planned. And two, something will go much rougher than planned.

With the increased wait time, I've seen people's spirits go down (understandably). My heart goes out to all the waiting families, especially those who don't have the distraction and joys of a little one in their homes yet.

So, I was trying to think of things that would comfort waiting parents. I know when we had some set backs, I heard things like "It'll happen on God's time. Everything happens for a reason, It'll happen when it's meant to" etc. I appreciated the suppport, but those words didn't really resonate with me-- yet I could understand if they did help others.

I wanted to start a thread at what has helped you in your journey. One of my most comforting statements came from a person from my agency. I was given a new diagnosis right after our referral and was not cleared by my doctor to travel to China. I was devistated. I couldn't fathom how everything was going to play out. And I couldn't imagine loosing that time with my daughter. Then the agency employee said "Remember Melissa, you will get to be Lilianna's mother for the rest of her life." That brought me great peace.

I realize my situation is different from what's going here--and I realize what speaks to me, may not speak to you. But, I think we have a really great group of people here. I wanted to start a thread at what has helped you in your journey. It just may be the ray of hope someone else needs.

Take care,

[journeytograce]

Melissa,
What a wonderful thread! Thank you so much for starting it! I look forward hearing what others have to say.
The not knowing when our DD will be home has been really tough the last couple months. I think the thing that has really comforted me is when family/friends talk about Grace, what it will be like next summer (hopefully not later than that! ), and how awesome her big brothers are!! That it is a reality, and not something that may or may not happen. I try to focus that it is the WHEN, and not IF. It brings me great joy when my mom will come home from shopping with a little something for our DD...like a sweet blanket to carry with us, or an umbrella that folds up small for the trip! When we were out at Babies R Us they had some neat snack cups that came in a container of 3. My mom said great, one for Grace! Even with the uncertainty of when that time is, I love hearing others refer to her as our daughter, and all the things we have to look forward to WHEN she comes home!

Great thread Melissa! Much more encouraging than the increased wait times!

[HopefulMommy]

I just don't know what to say. We are just in the early stages of the paperchase and before we even applied to an agency, I thought it would be a year for a referal after we were DTC.

My Heart truly goes out to you parents who were "in" when the waits were 6 months. This has to be excruciating.

I have no words for you, but just know that you and your children are in my prayers daily. My prayer is that our families will be quickly united and that we are all granted the grace to deal with the wait.

Hugs,

[SanRN]

Thanks Melissa for your wonderful words. Its so nice to have someone who has "been there" give us encouragement. At times when it is tough, we must remember that we WILL have our daughters at some point in the "future".

[Paul&Dee]

Thanks Melissa for starting this thread
Thank You Rebecca, just to hear you say that us AND our children are in your prayers makes it sound more real to me Thank You
Paul

[Lissa]

I had no epiphany moment. I had little despair during my process (ironically not until the end--when my tickets to China were cancelled by my stupid travel agent due to her incompetance.)

What I had is what I always have. I had hope.

Looking back, I was always wanting her...but I was always aware she was there. She was coming. I had hope. I had the knowledge that I had set upon this path and that the journey would come to an end and open the door to another. Everyday I did something for her. And it helped me enormously.

[jdr233]

I am waiting with 2 other women - we all have LIDs within 2 months of each other. Last month, the first of us received her referral. When she showed me the picture, iIcried, not because I was upset, but because at that moment this was real. There is a child at the end of this long road and no matter how long it takes, I too will be staring at a little picture of my daughter.

Jennifer
NYC

[Bachmas]

I don't know what I could say that would help. The wait was 6 months when we started and it took 9 months almost to the day for our referral and then 2 months from referral to travel. When our referral did not come in October like we had expected, it was hard. But when we missed the December referral batch, I thought that I would never see our daughter! Then, CCAA sent out a batch right after the first of the year - I hoped, I prayed, I begged and we missed it by 2 days!!!!! I entered a semi-comatose state where I realized that our daughter was coming and it was something that was totally out of my control. I had to flow with it and trust that she just isn't ready yet.

CCAA sent out a mini batch 3 weeks later and we got our daughter's picture. She truly is our perfect daughter, the best of my husband and the best of me! She is sweet and sensitive and a little stinker, all in one. (Me being the sweet one - of course!) Somehow, once we had a picture, the wait to travel didn't seem so bad. As a matter of fact, it snuck up on me.

Gotcha Day was a blur. We just walked in the civil affairs office and walked up to our daughter (She and her 6 orphanage-mates were in walkers). Her nanny came over, asked us her name and then handed her to me. I didn't even remember this until I watched our "Gotcha" video. We have been home for 12 days and it is as though Natalie has been our daughter forever. She is as much a part of us as the air we breathe.

I can't make the wait go easier, or less painfully. But I can say that it is truly worth it! And the memory of the wait fades as soon as your baby is placed in your arms!

One truly blissful Mommy to Natalie!
Sue

[morsedonna]

Melissa,
Thanks for starting this thread, it is really nice

Sue & Melissa,
Just seeing the pic's of your beautiful daughters reminds me that it is all worth it, thanks

[seanbeck]

"There is a Buddhist saying about adoption...
It basically says you and your husband must have loved your baby very much in your previous life, that you were able to find her again in this life. "

Sue- I love this saying!!! How perfect is it?!!!!

Thanks everyone, for sharing. After going through the foster to adopt program and parental placement without any success, I just tell myself everyday that it's going to happen for sure, and that is such a change from our other experiences! There is so much uncertanty with fertility treatments, foster care and parental placement. I like knowing that it WILL happen for sure- and within a certain amt of time, most likely.

[roseofchina]

Great thread! We adopted in 2002 and many things happened during the year prior that could have caused many problems...but didn't (like 911). Our wait for referral stretched into being a 13-month wait since our LID. The days got very long to say the least. The words that comforted me most were: "God's timing is perfect." And when that precious little girl was placed in my arms and I looked at her beautiful face...all I could say was: "Yes...God's timing IS perfect."

Sharon
dh - David
dd - Whitley Rose Hui

[marypat31]

As Lissa said, the hope of holding our daughter/son one day is what keeps me going. Learning about China, including China's rich history, language, and culture can take up a lot of free time Not to mention, all of the books out there on childcare (I'm a first time mom). I can't wait to decorate the nursery and buy those first clothes. All of these things make me feel like I am doing something for my child and hopefully I will be a better parent for it.

Mary

[janet1352]

Better than expected: The paper chase was so overwhelming, that I went to China a little flat on the emotion side. By that I mean the process had become "work" for me with preparing the dossier, moving my living arrangements, planning the details of travel to China. By the time I flew to China I was spent. The day before I held my baby in my arms, I was uncertain that I felt anything. Then when I held her for the first time, it was magical. I felt indescribable love. I felt so certain that this was my baby girl. Now, 7 months later I feel the same certainty every day. I never knew adopting a baby could feel so complete.

Most difficult and dissapointing part of the journey: I hoped our travel group would be tight knit, and our girls would be friends forever. There were eight families in my group, and we did not really gel as a group. While most families sent Christmas cards, and there is some talk of a reunion in September (I hope so); I have had minimal connection with these other families since returning in October 2005.