[bluedaisy]

I am waiting to travel to meet my Ethiopian son, but lurk regularly over here as you all are so active! And you are interesting folks as well.

I'm wondering what you all would think if China made moves to eliminate it's one child policy (or perhaps went to a two-child policy). Is this something you would support?

I don't know if this is a sensitive question--if so, please move on and forgive me.

[HopefulMommy]

Hey Bluedaisy,

I love this forum too, I have learned so much from my fellow Forum Junkies

In the book I am currently Reading "Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son" they talk about this a great deal. It seems there are some areas of China that have loosened their policies and have a "One son/Two Child" policy. There is speculation that when this policy was liberalized is when they have an upsurge of abandonment’s.

It is also speculated that many of the abandoned girls are second daughters. And parents "get rid of" the second girl so they can try again for a son.

I wish that there were no restrictions, if that meant there would be less children abandoned. But there is a strong cultural need for boys especially in the rural regions. Boys are the parents’ social security/nursing home/elder care. Girls become their husbands and are expected to take care of their in-laws not here own folks.

It is a great question, but one I wish I had a better answer.

I think there needs to be not only a loosening of policy, but an up turn in the economy and change in culture. Not all of which will be quick in happening.

Ethiopia is a program I am looking at now for our second child, you'll have to PM me and let me know about your experience

Hugs,

[Lissa]

My daughter is Zhuang. The majority of Chinese are Han. As the Chinese prize their minorities the Zhuang already have a 2 child policy. It is very possible that my daughter is a second daughter and that she will have at least one other sibling. I personally find that to be the most challenging part of her story...one day she will have to know about her probable siblings--and that will likely be an extremely difficult and certainly emotional revelation for her. I plan to help her search if she would like...but as we don't even know for sure what town she was born in, chances are that will be almost impossible.

I hope soon the population problem is solved and the 1 child policy is eliminated completey.

[joyfulme3x]

Yes, I would absolutely support and end to the one-child policy. (Not that my "support" means anything to the Chinese government).
The elimination of the one-child policy wouldn't erase the cultural preference for boys, but it would be a step in the right direction for human rights, and combined with education and a focused effort to increase domestic adoption, I believe it would help end the awful reality of thousands of little girls spending their childhoods in orphanages. I hope so anyway.

[Threekids4me]

Hi, Blue Daisy-


I am new around here as far as posting goes, but I felt like I needed to give my honest answer to your question. I had to sit and think for awhile what to write, not because I did not know my own answer, but because it is very hard to lay it all, every part, out there. Let me explain....

I am nearly done with my paper chase, which means I have a very long way to go before I meet my daughter. Despite this, I feel a connection to this little person already down to my very soul- I know you and any adoptive parent understand this without explaination. This connection is a love so absolute that, if I were able, I would change the very circumstances that are to bring her my way. By that I mean yes, I would be in favor of changing government policies in China that contribute to the many children in orphanges, even if it meant I would possibly never meet my daughter.

Now for the ugly, soul bearing, second part of the answer. I am also very human. The part of me that wants to know my daughter someday, secretly weeps at the idea that I would never meet her, even knowing it may mean better ( no abandonment etc. ) circumstances for her. I worry, like a lot of waiting parents, that something will happen and that it may never come to be. I guess that is a part that is very hard to admit- it is a very real part of this process, at least for me. Maybe there are others out there who can say with a pure heart that they would not have these difficult to admit feelings, if they had the ability to change the policies. I am only telling you mine. I do think they are very natural feelings.

So, there you have it- warts and all.

Thank you for your question. I think it was a good, thought provoking one. I hope you don't mind my asking you one in return- (you don't have to answer it here, only for your own thoughts.)

Would you support a change in the circumstances in Ethiopia that brought your son to the point that he is available for adoption? What if it meant you would never meet him?

I ask the above question only because it seemed that maybe you might have asked your question because you were doing your own "soul searching."

I don't think there is a single "right", as far as each persons own feelings are (not ethically), answer to these questions, but I do think we all have our own.

Best wishes to you!

[sak9645]

China's current position is that, while encouraging families to have just one or two children is a good thing, which will help increase the country's prosperity, there have been occasional problems with overzealous enforcement of government family planning policies at the local level.

In addition, the government says that corrupt local officials have sometimes demanded huge "fines" from families who have had second or third children, and then kept the money. Faced with such illegal demands, some families have abandoned children.

China has stated that it is attempting to root out corrupt practices that have led to abandonment, and to inform local officials about how the family planning policies should be implemented. It has also said that it is trying to educate people about the importance of limiting family size, so that people will CHOOSE to have fewer children.

Whether we feel that overzealous enforcement and/or corrupt practices by limited numbers of officials is, indeed, the problem, or whether we think that China -- faced with international criticism -- is retreating from intentionally coercive policies, I think that the ethical adoption community -- parents AND providers -- will be enormously pleased if fewer children are abandoned.

I sincerely believe that most people seeking to adopt are not asking for "designer babies". They are seeking to be parents -- and choosing to make a small contribution towards solving the worldwide problem of homeless children by agreeing to parent a child who lacks the love and structure of a family.

If fewer children are abandoned, this could reduce the number of children available for international adoption. However, I feel that there will, in all likelihood, continue to be children in need of homes, even if the one-child policy is weakened significantly. I also feel that international adoption may be needed for some time, despite China's stated interest in getting more families within the country to adopt domestically.

Despite its growing prosperity, for example, China still has areas where people live in such dire poverty that it is difficult for Americans to imagine the conditions. Under these circumstances, families may well make adoption plans for a child, just so he or she will survive.

Although China has made great strides in bringing basic health services to the masses, Chinese women still die in childbirth --leaving fathers who may not be equipped for the single parent role. And many poor families still do not have access to services if their children are born with medical issues -- mild (such as undescended testicle) or serious (tetralogy of Fallot).

Cultural issues also will remain, and changing cultural perceptions may take generations. As an example, although China has started a campaign to get families to treat daughters and sons equally, many families believe that they must have sons to care for them when they are old. It is presumed that daughters will marry and wind up caring for their husbands' parents. This is a very important in a country that doesn't have Social Security or Medicare -- a country in which an elderly person may wind up in a nursing home on an orphanage's grounds if he/she does not have a son to support him/her.

Likewise, there are cultural barriers that could hamper efforts to encourage domestic adoption. Many people in China believe strongly in the "blood tie", and it could take a generation or two before the idea of adopting a stranger's child takes root.

Another cultural issue that will need to be addressed relates to unmarried parenthood. China is similar to the U.S. of 50 years ago, with respect to the way young women with unplanned pregnancies are treated. One reason for the decrease in available U.S. babies over the past several years relates to the destigmatization of unmarried parenthood. Today, young American women often choose to parent children conceived outside of marriage. Someday, Chinese women may feel comfortable doing so, and this will reduce the pool of adoptable babies. But until that time, many Chinese single women will feel pressed to make an adoption plan -- which may involve abandonment -- rather than reveal to family, employers, etc. that are pregnant.

Sharon

[bluedaisy]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies! I appreciate you taking the time to help educate another adoptive mom.

Threekids, you asked if I would support things changing in Ethiopia: absolutely! Children in Ethiopia tend to be available for adoption because one or both parents have died, often from AIDS-related illnesses--or because they have been abandoned or relinquished by their parents who can't feed them and themselves and perhaps other children. And children of parents with HIV don't necessarily have HIV themselves. In fact, 60% of babies born to HIV+ mothers will be HIV-. The amazing part is that a dose of antiretroviral drugs at labor reduces the transmission even more, but often those meds aren't available. And people in Africa often die of HIV/AIDS much more quickly than people in western countries because they don't have access to or can't afford the medicine. All while the big pharm companies grow very wealthy.

It's a terrible human tragedy, and an embarassment, I think, to wealthy countries in the world. I can't believe we let people suffer like we do.

We were drawn to Ethiopia, in part, because of the tremendous need there. If things were better there, we would likely have been pulled to another country.

Of course, nothing can change for my son now--what's happened in his life cannot be reversed. So this conversation can only exist in the abstract for me.

I would love to hear more parents' opinions on this! Thanks.

[Threekids4me]

Blue Daisy-

Thanks for your reply- though it really wasn't asked for my need to know your personal answer. (I promise!)
I agree, many things that happen in this world in China, Ethiopia and others are an embarrassment to places blessed with so much.

Of course, the entire question you raised is an abstract for adoptive parents from China, as it is for you. As someone pointed out earlier, I don't believe the Chinese government cares much about my personal support of any policy or of the much needed changes the other great posts explained.

You mentioned you were drawn to Ethiopia becuse of the tremendous need there- I respect whatever pulls an adoptive parent in the direction of their child. Congratulations on your new son!

[MissyAmomChina]

Hello,

As a mother to a beautiful daughter it is impossible for me to imagine life without her. Yet, I think about this issue and wonder if our children will part of a "bubble" of children relinquished because of this policy. In my heart, I do wish for the policy to be done away with and for the Chinese people to enjoy the freedom of building their family as they choose. Will we see that happen? It's hard to say--but I for one sure hope it does. I also hope that someday doors open and if my daughter chooses, she can find out more about her history.

My daughter is also Zhuang, an ethnic minority She is from an area where the Zhuang are majority and the 1 child policy is enforced. I once read an article from her province about how a family who had hidden a second child had their home destroyed to serve as a "warning" from a government. It was very chilling to read.

Take care,

[SofiasMom]

I wonder if China did abandon the 1 child policy, what would happen economically. I'm not sure that less girls would be abandoned. And how would they control the population growth?

But if you asked me would I rather my daughter be with her birth parents or me. The answer is easy and yet the hardest. Her birthparents. I love my daughter more than I've ever loved anyone. And I would want the absolute best for her. And it would kill me. So thankfully I don't have to answer that question.

[hhousl]

Personal feelings aside, we just watched a 60 Minutes report on the imbalance of males vs. females in China, and one of the government officials made it clear that they have no intention of removing the 1 child restriction any time soon. She seemed very proud of the fact that that policy had reduced the country's population by 300 million people, and credits that reduction for the current economic sucess they are experiencing. Did anyone else watch this report?

[Lissa]

I watched it. I felt the report had a major agenda and was timed to make a political statement while China's president is here visiting the US.

[sregis]

the 60 minutes program was doubtless pegged to the president's visit, but i doubt there was any political agenda here... perhaps a sociological one. it's an interesting story to tell, for sure.