[mkinzie]

I have been extremely frustrated at times with having to wait for a referral. If things were running at 6 to 7 months, DH and I would be receiving our referral at any time during April or May. I would get angry sometimes thinking that our 6 months were running out and we would have wait longer. When people said that there is a reason for this wait, you just don't know it yet, I used to think, yeah right! Sure but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Now I know why I had to wait. My Gram has been visiting me for the past couple of weeks. I love her dearly and have asked her repeatedly to move in with me. She's a joy to have around b/c she's always so positive and busy. She never wastes a moment. She adopted me when I was 10 months old and has been the best mother I could have ever asked for my whole life. Well she's also extremely independent. She has said repeatedly that she has no intention of moving in with anyone. She is almost 90 so you could see why I have asked her to move in. It's not that she couldn't take care of herself, it's just that I felt better knowing someone was able to help her out sometimes. Anyway, I came home Monday and she had suffered a massive stroke. She was unconscious when I found her. We have prayed and been with her during the week while she went through the final days of her life. She passed away this morning and I am devasted. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. I am so numb and hurt that I can now see why getting my referral this month would not be good. I feel that this is now Gram time. I need time to mourn her and prepare with a life without her. I am terrified of how I am going to feel now that she is no longer there.

When I get that referral, I want to be joyous. I want my only focus to be on her. I want to be able to give her all the love and attention that my Gram gave me. She deserves nothing less than that and as I said, now I understand why I have to wait. I believe God has a plan for everything, and his plan for me was to have everything in its time.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling. I just wanted to share with you b/c I have depended on you so much these last few months. I love sharing your joys and struggles and look forward to reading your posts daily. Keep my Gram in your thoughts and prayers even if I already know she is in a better place now. Melissa

[SanRN]

I am praying for you and your family at this time.I'm so sorry for your loss.

[journeytograce]

Melissa,
I will be praying for you as well. (((HUGS)))

[twoinblue]

Melissa,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Gram. She sounded like a wonderful person who lived a full life right up until the end.

I'm so sorry your daughter won't get to meet her. I lost my Dad while we were paperchasing and that was very hard but somehow I think he will get to see my daughter and know who she is even before I do and that makes me happy.

Sending you hugs and prayers.

[TaraL]

Melissa:

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear grandmother. My grandmother passed away the year before we got our referral and I was extremely close to her. I have to believe that she was instrumental in bringing the perfect child into our lives and I am sure that your grandmother will now do the same. So have faith and know that she is still with you in your heart and watching over you. Strangely my daughter has so many of my grandmothers mannerisms that there are times we all just look at her like she was reborn somehow.

My prayers are with you and your family right now. And yes your grandmother is in a happy peaceful place.

[Emmaline Lola]

Melissa,


I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that you will find peace in knowing that she is now with God in heaven.



Catherine

[sami925]

I'm sorry for you loss. My grandmother died when I was 3 mos pregnant for DD, she had a stroke on Christmas day and we all found her when we went to get her to open gifts. I was often so sad that she would never see her or meet her. We named DD after her and I've talked so much about her during Dd;s life that she often speaks as if she knows her. It's scary some times. Sometimes I think maybe she watches over her and that is why DD is so familiar with her. Hang in there, it gets better with time.

[HopefulMommy]

Melissa,

I am sorry for your loss, It is really hard with this wait, but I beleive it was the plan that you have these last few moments with your Gram.

My thoughts and prayers are with you! Hugs!

[CoatAnnHat]

I too am soo sorry for your loss. I know its no consolation, but God does have a plan and apparently this is not the time for your daughter to come home. I lost my great grandmother 2 yrs ago at the age of 105 and its still hard..
Peace..

[Megi]

Melissa:

I can relate! My grandfather/godfather who is like a best friend was admitted to hospital last week with infection in foot and want to amputate his leg...he declined and has decided to go into hospice care. He feels he is at the end of the rope and it is his time. It is very, very difficult because he is sharper than lead (mind) - although he has other major problems that he has dealt with (cancer, cardio, kidney). It is so hard to see him want to let go - but it is also hard to see him suffer now.

Today we meet with hospice social worker and I feel so bad that he will never get to meet my daughter - this is killing me. I am thankful that he is in great state of mind and am able to let him know how I feel and how much we will miss eachother.

I believe God has a plan for each of us for a reason in our lives and I have learned to accept that (as hard as it has been). I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - keep strong and take care!

Megi

[prechrswife]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like an amazing lady. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[seanbeck]

I'm so sorry, Melissa. You and your family are in our prayers.

[WaitingMom22]

I am so sorry for your loss. It will take some time before you can sort through your feelings. Remember how she lived her life and let her be your role model. If you can do it, write down the things about her, the things she would say and the times you remember so that you will have it to tell her your daughter. You will never forget her but if you write it down your daughter can know her also. Not sure if you already picked out your daughters name but maybe you can name her after your Grandmother (even a middle name or part of it.

[pb86]

Melissa,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandmother. Losing my own grandmother long ago was and still is hard for me. We can carry their love in our hearts though and hold them close through all eternity. What a gift we were given to have had such wonderful people a part of our lives!

It is true that God works His plan in His own time. May He give you the peace for your heart as you grieve your loss... and the joy for your soul with the gain of your referral.

[NeshRoo]

I am sorry for your loss. You have the right attitude about it all though. You want this time to mourn, and then you will start fresh with your referal. The circle of life and all! I know it doesn't make it hurt less, but we are all here thinking of and praying for you.