[cungar]

Well with our Philippines adoption failing it looks like the girl we adopt later this year will be an only child. I am 45 and my wife is 44 and we don't anticipate doing this again. Just wondering if anyone else is adopting an only child and if you forsee any special "issues".

[Mindy82]

Well I haven't adopted so i'm not much help, but i'm really sorry about that other adoption failing! That's really heartbreaking... I empathize with you. Do you just not want to have to do the process over again, or is it just that you only want one child?

Have you thought of adopting two children at once, and completing your family in one adoption?

[foxl]

Funny you should ask -- it used to be with IA that more than one was the EXCEPTION, eh?

[brandydawn]

We adopted with the intention of our daughter being an only child.

I don't really see any issues with having one child. I see the benefits of being able to afford private school, college, nice vacations and a wedding one day. I make sure she gets social interaction at school, Gymboree and with other friends' children.

When she gets older she can have friends tag along on outings...personally I was stuck with my sister and made do but we didn't get along all the time and didn't have the same interests as you would if you were hanging out with a friend.

Regards,
Brandy

[cungar]

Originally Posted by Mindy82

Well I haven't adopted so i'm not much help, but i'm really sorry about that other adoption failing! That's really heartbreaking... I empathize with you. Do you just not want to have to do the process over again, or is it just that you only want one child?

Have you thought of adopting two children at once, and completing your family in one adoption?

We got in a situation in the Philippines where we knew the rules against trying to adopt a selected child but proceeded anyway. It was pretty much doomed from the beginning. We are going to have my wife's sister in law in the Philippines try to adopt her and bring her here. It's risky and time consuming but it may be the only chance. She is living with my mother in law in the Philippines.


Personally I think having one kid is fine. We live in a neighborhood with lots of kids, the majority of which are Asian so she'll probably have tons of friends. Plus my Dad is an only child and he turned out pretty cool. At this point I can't see us going through this adoption procedure again. But who knows maybe after we get our daughter we'll change our minds.

[TaraL]

This is a topic that means alot to me right now. I am an only child as if my mother. My father may as well be because he has no relationship with his brothers. My dh has one brother but him and the entire family live in NY (we live in PA). Our family is very small. I always hated being an only child but I will say that there were perks. As I am now 34 I still wish I had a sister. Its not something I think about all the time but I its there. I worry that my daughter will someday be alone if she doesn't marry or have her own children. We have no small children in our family other than my 1 year old nephew who lives in NY. I know that family doesn't have to be related and I have some very good friends who are like my family. But it isn't the same. So yes there will be some issues possibly with Olivia being an only child and then again there will be some perks as if we had two children we couldn't afford Catholic school for both, a car for both, etc.

Of course if you ask my dh he will tell you a different answer completely. He isn't very close to his brother and there is alot of competition by his brother. My husband would have been thrilled being an only child.

[mkinzie]

At this point I'll be happy if I get one the way referrals are going! Just joking though! I haven't actually thought about it. I've been so focused on getting through this adoption. DH and I did talk about it before we started the adoption that we'd like to maybe have 2 kids but now I don't know. That's a really good question!

[thundrrds]

Chuck,
When we were in China for our 1st daughter one couple kept telling us "you'll be back". This was even before we had our daughter with us. I kept saying "you're crazy! I'm 43 and Guy's 47. there's no way we're having more than 1 child". Thoughout the trip both the mom and dad kept telling us "you'll be back". It became a running joke. They were in China for what was to be their 3rd child.

We remained and remain now in touch with most of the families from our 1st travel group....
We were home less than 4 months when we started discussing going back... of course the first person I emailed was that mom from our 1st travel group. She actually called me several times during the process and even called us in China to see how our new daughter was doing!

When we became parents this past summer I was 45 and Guy was 49.....

Joanne

[Marshie]

au contraire. I'm already thinking about going back for #5. 5th kid, 2nd adoption. And I dont even have TA for this one yet

I was raised as an only child though (I actually have 7 siblings but none of them lived with me with my grandparents) and while I was very bored and lonely a lot of the time, I don't think it was particularly damaging that I was raised alone. I, personally, think 2 or more kids would be the ideal situation but if you can't do that then don't worry, I'm sure it'll be totally fine. I just think its more fun with more than one, but more fun is hardly a matter of life and death you know? Just do whatever works best for your family.

[foxl]

I seem to be acquiring what certain societal elements might call a small "litter," of kids under 6 ... could be partly b/c as the youngest of a spread-out 3, I felt lonely as a kid!

[Ernabel]

One of the many reasons we are adopting is so our son will not be an only child. He complains a lot that he is bored and lonely and that he wishes he had a brother (little does he know, he's getting a sister-LOL). I am one of 5 and my DH is one of 16! We just didn't want our son to be an only child, if we could help it. But, you can't always help it.

[AwaitingBeloved]

We've just been placed with our DD and had originally wanted (well, still want) a large family. However, after all the expense of this adoption I can not foresee us doing this again. We would both LOVE to, but realistically, not so sure. So we're starting to accept our roles as parents of an only child.

Our situation is a little bit different because we're in an open adoption. We are still holding out hope that our DD will eventually meet bio sibs, either full or half sibs.

Even if this doesn't happen, we have moved close to my family, where there are several young cousins for DD to grow up with and close to. I know it's not the same as a sib, but our biggest fear is she'll grow up with us as an only child, and we'll pass on (in about 100 years, but still...) and she'll be left alone. So her growing up near the cousins was very important to us. Hopefully she'll be less lonely when we do pass (again, in 100 years!).

I also don't think being an only child is as rare as it once was anymore, so hopefully, she'll make her own friends in school that are also only children who she can really relate to in some ways.

[Megi]

We anticipate this adopton of a daughter to be our only child...

This is something my husband and I both agreed on...the only way this would change is if I got pregnant in the future - which is highly unlikely.

Megi

[stephdpenn]

This thread made my smile. We thought our oldest was going to be an only child too. He was until I sold all of the baby things then suprise here came his baby brother. Now I really like to think that we will go back to China before we are 40 for another daughter.
I see no problems with a child growing up as an only child. It is a very personal decision that only you can make. Good luck with whatever happens.

[SuzanneS]

I am an only child, and I had/have older parents. I have to tell you, it was pretty lonely growing up. Don't get me wrong, I am very independent because of being an only, but I really feel like I am missing out on something because I don't have any siblings.

My mom has one sister and my dad has one brother. My mom's sister's family lives 10 hours away, and my dad never had a relationship with his brother (who never married or had kids.) Now all my grandparents are gone, my dad is gone, so it is just me and my mom, and yes, that is hard.

My husband has 2 half brothers, but they are 20 and 22 years older than him, and have grandchildren already, so they are not really a part of our immediate family. He also has already lost his father, so at holidays, it is just dh and I and our moms. Sometimes, while grateful for what blessings I do have, I really wish for a bigger family.

Not saying that I had a bad childhood and life, I didn't, I had a wonderful childhood and my parents are awesome. I just have always wished for a sibling. Of course, my mom has always said that I could have had a sibling that caused me problems like my dad's brother always did for him, but it's hard to see that when you are looking at it through rose colored glasses!

Either way I am sure you will hear arguments for both sides of the coin. I do think we will adopt 2, but you never know, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Good luck to you!