[Momof2boysinOH]

I know the topic of traveling with other children vs. leaving them at home has been covered before. We had always thought my dh would travel without me so I could stay home with our sons, who we felt were too young to travel.

Now I've been reading in our March DTC group that other parents with little ones plan to travel with them. I started thinking maybe it would be a good idea. So I brought it up to my dh and he said he thinks it's a bad idea, because he traveled a lot as a child (back to his birth country of Portugal) and he ALWAYS got sick as a dog from the trip. He thinks we may have THREE sick children on our hands if we all travel.

Is there anyone who has taken such little ones on the trip? Our sons will be around 3 1/2 and 2 at travel time (if the timelines stay the same). I don't think I'd be as nervous if we only had 1 child, but taking 2 seems daunting. Our youngest would probably still be in diapers.

What kind of immunizations would they need? How likely is it that they'll get sick? Would we have a doctor at our disposal to treat them?

Thanks for your help!

[foreverluv]

I'm still on the fence about this as well. I really don't want to miss the opportunity to see China, so dh and I will both definately go. That would mean either we take the boys or leave them with my mother or aunt. If we take them, my mom will probably come with us, so we'd have some extra help. I've just never been away from my boys before and I don't know if I could go 2 weeks without them. I wouldn't even let dh take them out of town for the weekend! I guess I still have plenty of time to think about it, but I'm leaning towards taking them with us.

[thundrrds]

Mary,
We elected not to take our then 3 year old for a variety of reasons; some being health based/concerns.

If I were traveling with my children I'd have them recieve the same Hep A and B shots we got (and make sure they're 'up to date' on their innoculations).

China's air quality is much much worse than the US. Depending on the province your child is in one can have difficulties breathing/ get colds/ have allergies etc.

If one travels in the summertime one would be concerned for mosquitos and prevention of bug bites.

Although hotels are fully air conditioned most other buildings one goes to aren't. That means gov't buildings aren't; many stores and restuarants aren't. So in the summer it's HOT!!! Also you're often walking up and down stairs to offices (granted this is only for gov't appts).

Water and food: you will have to make sure your sons don't drink any tap water including water when they're in the bath tub. The food is different and one doesn't (or shouldn't) eat any fruit or veggies that does not have a peel to it (you don't eat the peels...).
Again, depending on where your child is from you may find American style foods or restuarants.
Even American style foods will often taste differently. The milk doesn't taste the same, meats don't etc. For some kids this isn't at all a problem; for others it can present challenges.

Availability of doctors: Medicine and medical care is different in China. Yes, your reps will get you any and all medical attention you need but it's not the same as here in the states. And the medical facilities are different between provinces.

If I were to take small children I'd have another person come along to help out on gov't appt days and so there's another 'room' for the kids to sleep in or play in in case the new child is having great difficulty sleeping. Also it's another pair of hands with strollers etc.

I'd also talk at length with our ped about precautions, meds to take with us etc.

Many families travel successfully with young children. Some do so without another family member/ adult friend with them. Some folks do great with the air quality, food differences etc and the kids are travel champs!!!

And then there are toddlers/ preschoolers who have trouble with the time changes, all the flights, different hotel rooms, different foods etc.

We had a few small children on our last trip. Some did great, one was absolutely miserable the whole time

The only people who can really decide what's best for your family is you and your husband. You know your boys, how well they travel etc.

Good luck in deciding!

Joanne

[Momof2boysinOH]

Wow, Joanne! This is exactly the type of info I was looking for! Thanks so much for writing this!

Yes, I am concerned about the kids' sleeping schedules. I am pretty uptight about keeping their naps and nighttime routines the same, so it would be really frustrating to have to keep switching them with appointments to get to. Our younger son is allergic to dust, pollen, and certain fragrances (like perfume), so I imagine in China he might have some issues with the air quality.

This is a lot to take in. It's a struggle because I can't leave them for 2 weeks and taking them seems too difficult. We had planned on my husband going without me but I feel guilty. Then again, I am a stay-at-home mom and will have many chances to bond with our daughter once she's home.

[hirsh mom]

There were kids that were in our travel group, but both were older (elementary school). I traveled with a friend and my husband and mother-in-law took care of my son (I've mentioned before that he was being treated for leukemia and was immunosuppresed). I have to say that even if he had been well, we probably wouldn't have taken him. He didn't travel well- had a really hard time with changes in schedules and not adventurous in eating. At the time, he was 3 and prone to meltdowns when really tired (very strong willed as well). But you and your husband know your kids best. And as for bonding, my husband took off two weeks when we returned home and got time to bond with our daughter. In fact, she's a real daddy's girl at times!

[mom23boys]

Mary- We are wrestling with the same exact thoughts! However- I planned to travel and leave dh home with the boys. My mother would be my travel mate. Then I decided- we both need to bond with our daughter asap- as we are both working parents- and depending upon the time of travel- I would have to go back to work 6-12 weeks later. So I feared that she may not bond enough with dh if he did not go and he watches our kids during the day- as we flip flop schedules ( teacher/cop).


My 7 year old- will be 8 desperately wants to go and I really think he could handle it and i would love for him to experience the trip- however- the 4 and 2 year old - well- sadly- I know it would be too much. I would feel guilty taking just my older son- as they are all very close and my 4 year old would take it personally.

So for now- the plan of action is...

kids will stay in school- with their routines/schedules in tact. They will either stay at my parents house- ( they live about 5 blocks away) or my pArents will stay here.

Dh and I will go together without the kids. My biggest fear would be them getting sick or contracting a parasite or such.

In a way it works out perfect- we always said we would go away for our 10 year anniversary- well it looks like we will no! China- to add our daughter!

I figure when the kids are all 10 and older we will make the trip back as a family to tour and see the country again. I know it is not the same- but I just do not want to gamble with the risks.

Good Luck with your decsion- every family is different- so you need to do what is best for you guys.

BTW- I have only been away from the boys for 5 days at the longest and it was tough! I know the 2 weeks will be really tough- but worth it to us all in the end!

[Jen4]

I'm with Jennifer. We aren't taking my three with us. For one thing, I just want some time with our new daughter alone. And the other is I really don't think it would be fair to the three to make them come on a long and difficult trip as this one. There whole world will have changed. Adjusting to new time and new food and having to share mommy with another sister might just be too much for them. But as said before, no one knows your kids like you. You know best.

[odi]

We are talking about maybe a compromise of sorts. Taking the whole family for the first week in the province, then my husband taking the middle two kids home and the oldest staying to "help" me. It would make it so we could all see some but would reduce the time in country for the two that will have the most challenges.
You could also have you and your husband travel (grandparent/aunt with kids at home) then have one parent come back early. After the official adoption which is usually on gotcha day or the day after then only one parent has to stay for the passport and then on to the US consulate. That way you could both meet your daughter see China and your boys would only be away from both parents for a few days not two weeks.
Diana

[KDhappygal]

We tookour then 2 year old on our trip to China. She did fairly well with the exception of getting to sleep. It took FOREVER....every night to get her to go to sleep.

Partly due to the time change, partly because she wouldn't stay in the hotel cribs (the crib in our province hotel wasn't even big enough for her and she is small) and probably partly because of all the new stuff that was happening.

Anyway, she ended up sleeping with me and DH for almost the entire trip. Worked for her but not so well for me.

She did get a bad cold, a cough and and ear infection which was treated with an antibiotic that we mixed with milk or water.

She didn't like the regular milk but loved the strawberry milk that was at each hotel and easy enough to find in the stores.

Next trip, dh stays home it is the best choice for us. I am hoping that either one of my sisters and/or my best friend will be able to make the trip with me.

I feel a gotcha trip with DH and the girls (who will be 3 & 4 by then) would just be too overwhelming for everyone.

[kenzseth]

Our kids will be 9 and 10 when we travel (hopefully ) We plan to take them with us. My parents will go to help with them while we are at appts, ect. We are all very excited to bond as a family at one time. My son has allergy issues, but we will just deal with it as we go. They are great travellers and are so excited to go. But, as everyone else said, whatever works for your family!

[seanbeck]

Our son will be 7 when we travel, and we plan to take him. We are worried about the eating and the air (he has very mild asthma), but feel this is a chance of a lifetime for all of us. He is very excited and we feel will be a great help in comforting our new daughter. Most of the people we know have taken their children, provided they're at least 5.

Only you know what is best for your family. When we originally looked at IA several years ago, we figured we wouldn't be taking our then 3 yr old. But now that he'll be 7, it feels right.

Good luck in your decision!
Becky

[Momof2boysinOH]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. If my boys were 7, 8, 9 or older, then I would definitely want to take them. But with them being SO YOUNG, it's really tough. My younger son will barely be 2.

I can't see leaving them with relatives, even for a couple of days. We live in a different state and only see the grandparents 2 or 3 times a year. I think our sons would be really upset seeing both mommy and daddy leave them with grandparents they rarely see.

When we were researching adoption, we looked really seriously at Korea because of the escorting. That would have worked out great for us, but my dh was always drawn to China and wanted to make the trip.

[stephdpenn]

Mary I didn't reply to this the other day because as you know my boys are older.

Dylan is staying behind for many reasons, he refuses to get any shots or get on an airplane which of course we can't drive there Plus with him being in Jr. High I am afraid he would get to behind in his schoolwork. Marcus is going for different reasons. He is the adventurous one and is always up for anything. The main reason he is going though is because if he doesn't go then I don't go either. He is my baby and I would go nuts if I had to be away from him for 2 weeks.
I did want to tell you though that since he has had medical issues in the past we will be taking out traveler's insurance in case he gets sick. With it we could fly him out of China to a different country with more modern hospitals. If you are concerned about taking your sons mostly for health reasons you could check into this option.

[CoatAnnHat]

There was a time when I would not leave my children for an hour, never mind a weekend let alone two weeks! My oldest was sick, in and out of the hospital and I couldnt bare to even think of leaving him with anyone. My (ex) DH surprised me with a weekend away and I was dead set against it! My son was only 3 and had never had so much as a babysitter for even an hour.
Reluctantly I went. I had a great time and my son survived! I didnt think I would, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Since then I have taken week long trips away and its always the same thing, i dread it at first, but then it works out to be just fine. Now my boys are 18 and 14, and I still get that feeling, even though they are older. So the feeling of not wanting to leave them never goes away, the peace of mind is there knowing that yes, you both will survive, its not the end of the world, and it could be just what you both need.

[Momof2boysinOH]

Originally Posted by CoatAnnHat

There was a time when I would not leave my children for an hour, never mind a weekend let alone two weeks! My oldest was sick, in and out of the hospital and I couldnt bare to even think of leaving him with anyone. My (ex) DH surprised me with a weekend away and I was dead set against it! My son was only 3 and had never had so much as a babysitter for even an hour.
Reluctantly I went. I had a great time and my son survived! I didnt think I would, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Since then I have taken week long trips away and its always the same thing, i dread it at first, but then it works out to be just fine. Now my boys are 18 and 14, and I still get that feeling, even though they are older. So the feeling of not wanting to leave them never goes away, the peace of mind is there knowing that yes, you both will survive, its not the end of the world, and it could be just what you both need.

Sheryl,

I understand what you're saying. My mother is coming to visit us this weekend and I plan to have her babysit the boys for a few hours so my dh and I can go out on a "date". I have used a babysitter before, when I was pregnant with our 2nd son and had all those prenatal appointments and I didn't want to take my older son each time. It IS hard to let go, but I'm willing to ease into it. But there's a big difference between going away for a few hours or even overnight as opposed to leaving the country for 2 weeks. My boys are VERY YOUNG. My 15-month-old still takes a bottle at naptime and bedtime. Whenever he falls and needs comforting, he runs to mommy. Can you see how difficult it would be to be gone for 2 weeks with him being so young?

I appreciate what you're trying to say. Again, if my boys were older things would be a lot different.