[odi]

Mary,
I agree with you about being away for two weeks. I did it last time and the boys were 3 and 5. It almost killed me to be gone from them. I could barely talk to them on the phone and I couldn't talk about them or I would break down crying. Some people understand and some are just not that way. Neither is right it is just the way I am. My mom thought I did great and dosen't understand why I can't go alone again. Maybe when all my kids are over 6 or 8 but not before.
Diana

[stephdpenn]

I forgot to tell you about the time that I left Dylan for 5 days when he was 4.

Joey had to go to some special traing in New Orleans for almost a week. Dylan didn't want to go so we left him with his great granny and just took Marcus who was only a couple of months old. OMG I have never missed anyone so bad before. After the second day I couldn't even talk to him on the phone because I would start crying. By the end of the 5 days I couldn't even say the name Dylan without breaking down. I was so miserable the whole time.
Of course I am leaving Dylan at home when we go to China but he is a lot older now. Plus I hardly ever see him anyway as he stays shut up in his room most of the time hiding his newly aquired "teenage atitude"

[drmalcolm]

My 9-year-old son just expressed an interest in a 2-week sleep-away camp for this summer. I drank a lot of wine after that discussion.

Mary, this is a great topic to bring up. Diana, I like the compromise idea!

We will be taking our son, but since he is older (he'll be 10 1/2 by the time we travel), I don't have the same issues as those of you with little ones. There are certain things that I would rather he didn't see (he's a huge animal lover), but I've been told that if we steer clear of small markets, we'll be okay.

Good luck to everyone with your decision!

Christina

[littlewigglebut]

This thread is already depressing me. DH can't travel to China for 2 weeks because he's does emergency work and everyone's schedules are very locked in. That means I have to go. My boys will be 4, maybe 5. Not only have I never been away from them (I'm a SAHM), but as I've mentioned my boys have some issues that make even small changes a big ordeal for them. I haven't even allowed myself to think about leaving them here. I understand why everyone else is staying with their kids or taking them with. Since this isn't an option for us, would someone please chime in and reassure me my kids (and I) will survive two weeks without one another. I'm starting to wonder if we're going to be able to do this at all. I know our DD will be totally worth it, but I'm getting really nervous and I still have a year to go!

Katherine (& Samuel & Benjamin 4/02)

[thundrrds]

Katherine:
I realized each family's situations are different so take some of this 'for what it's worth'
If you do have to be away from the boys for the whole trip you can do some little things for them for each day you're gone. Leaving notes for them, gifts for each day, notations (big visual cues) on calendars, to make it easier for them as well as you.
Our daughter was 3 when we traveled and also had limited expressive speech at that time. We did all of the above which helped her to have things to do, to remember/ know mommy and daddy were coming back, and to have things to look forward to each day she was at home with her grandparents. It also helped me cause I could ask her each day about the gifts she'd gotten!

joanne

[akina]

Katherine- I feel for you. I will be travelling alone and leaving my kids with my hubby. When I think about leaving them I get sick to my stomach. I am a SAHM with trust issues (comes from spending time in foster care). I have never been away from them for more than five hours. My twins will be 4 (or maybe 5 if it gets past 18 months!). I think Joanne has offered some great ideas. My husband is also arranging so I can take my laptop with a webcam. I will be able to speak to them everyday and they will be able to see me. (I always think of the Jetsons He always looks on the brightside of things and when I told him that the wait was going to be longer he pointed out that the technology will be that much better.

We do not have any family to leave them with, so this is the only way. It will be hard, but we can do it. There is no better reason for leaving them. You are bringing back a friend, playmate, ally, confidante, and all the other things that siblings can be. I think it will be much harder on us.
All the Best,
akina
DTC 3/24/06

[hirsh mom]

If you take a laptop, check into something called "Skype". My friend downloaded the program (it's free) and used the webcam with her husband and sons while recently in China. I have to confess it was really hard leaving my 3 year old (add onto the normal stuff, panicking over whether some health issue with his treatment would come up). I did some of what Joanne suggested, leaving notes and little gifts to open each day, talked to him on the phone as much as I could, put up a calendar where he and his grandma could mark off the days of the trip. Those things seemed to help him and made me feel a little better. Plus, I brought him home a playmate!

[odi]

By far the trip was much harder on me. Some days they barely wanted to talk to me because they were doing something with Daddy. I had the hard time of missing them. They had all their schedules, friends and mostly their daddy all to themselves. It is worth it and your kids will make it. It's just not what I want to do this time but I will if there were no other choice.
Diana

[stephdpenn]

Diana, after reading your post I realized that it was harder on me than it was Dylan. Here I was crying my eyes out and he was having a blast playing & baking cookies with his granny.

[littlewigglebut]

Okay, thanks to everyone who chimed in. I am all over your ideas about gifts, calendars, etc... I will definately have something planned for every day. My boys are still mostly non-verbal so I don't know about talking on the phone yet. Of course we still have a year or so to practice, right? I'm taking a deep breath and I'm just not going to worry or think about it until I have to! Thanks again everyone!

Katherine
Samuel & Benjamin 4/02

[thundrrds]

Katherine;
Even if the boys can't say too much to you on the phone they'll appreciate hearing from mommy!
What we wrote on the calendar and on our notes were usually about what we'd be doing that day in China as well as what we thought Mira would be doing that day. Like if it was tuesday I knew she'd be going to story time at the library so my note would ask her about that, or on the weekends about playing with certain friends/ family members. And she then also knew what mommy and daddy were doing in Hong Kong and then Guangzhou each day. Even though she'd pretty much just say 'hi mommy' the notes/ calls also helped her grandparents each day too!

And I agree with Steph. I think it was harder for me to talk to her and not cry then it was for her. She was on VACATION with nana and papa and she had a blast!

On the subject of gifts we left:
on day one and 14 we left her disposable cameras. And I think @ day 12 was a little photo albaum. That way she had photos to show us when we got home and she also had a camera to take to the airport to take pics of her sister and all of us united.
It was really nice the day we came home to look at her vacation pictures and here her tell us what she had done.

I also left my inlaws a list with what each gift was so they could re# them if needed (give her an indoor gift on a rainy day type thing!)...

And you're right... you don't know where your boys will be with their language in another year!!

Joanne