[Lissa]

When we got Lydia one of the very first things that struck me about her was how incredibly flat her head was. I was concerned as I had heard of some babies having flat spots, but not flat heads.

I was incredibly concerned about her health...she was fairly dazed when we got her. (It had been a loooooong tiring day for all the babies) and she was fairly low energy during our entire time in China. (We would later discover that was due to the Giardia which causes malnutrition. That has since been cured.)

I did a lot of research on flat heads and learned as long as her head was growing, she was healthy and fine intellectually. There has been some concerns about her head as it is not progressing at the same rate as her body, but the doctor has told me this is not uncommon and to not worry about that too much as long as it is continuing to grow. (Which it is.)

Now...what to do about the flatness cosmetically?

Russell and I have never been people who have cared much about appearance and we both believe Lydia to be beautiful regardless of her head shape. We weren't sure whether or not to helmet her head to change it's shape. It didn't matter to us, but would it matter someday to her? If we were to helmet her, we had to decide fairly soon after we adopted her. We discussed over and over again and tonight and we decided we will leave her head as it is unless we are forced to change it for medical reasons.

Her hair is starting to come in, and it's beginning to de-emphasize the flatness. We are hopeful that someday it will mask it completely. If it doesn't I don't know how she's going to react to our decision. It was a tough one and one we didn't take lightly...but we know how much she hates things on her head...and the idea of having her in helmet 23 out of 24 hours out of the day for months sounded like torture for our little girl. I just don't want her to suffer.

Our decision is made...unless it's necessary medically, we are not going to helmet her...but I wanted to share this with y'all because I wanted you to know that just because you requested a healthy child, doesn't mean you won't be faced with some difficult medical choices immediately. I am hopeful we made the right choice. But regardless it is the choice we made.

[Momof2boysinOH]

Hi Lissa,


I have 2 uncles who were born 11 months apart and they both have flat heads. Grandma was too busy with 6 kids to give them enough floor time. It's not something that has impaired their lives in any way. They have thick hair to mask it.

You're absolutely right...healthy doesn't mean no issues at all. Even my bio sons have minor issues. Both boys have VERY sensitive skin and routinely get weird rashes. I was born "healthy" yet had a heart murmur and pretty bad allergies (dust, pollen, pet dander).

The Internet is such a great resource...can you imagine our lives without it now? We have the opportunity to educate ourselves on conditions our children might have. And we can learn from your experiences as an adoptive mom.

Thanks for sharing!

[journeytograce]

Lissa,
Thank you for sharing your story. I too had heard about the flat spots, but nothing much beyond that, or that it could require some tough decision making. Thank you for your honesty and openness. What an incredibly hard decision.
I agree, and can't see putting her thru that for a cosmetic reason. Is it a possibility down the road to become medically necessary? If her head were to stop growing?

[Teekay74]

Parenting is the hardest job. It seems as if everyone at somepoint has to amke very difficult decisions.When my daughter was a baby her eyes were crossed. (I didn't even notice for the longest time)Well 4 Drs. later, 3 different opinions we decided to have muscle surgery on her eyes. 2 weeks after her first birthday. I was so afraid. What if she lost her vision or worse because of what I chose for her? I made the right choice. She is now 6, does not wear glasses, her eyes are perfectly aligned. You just never really know. We just have to trust our instincts. They are usually right.

[SummerMommy]

My otherwise 'perfect' daughter also has a very noticeable flat area on her head. It was more noticeable when her head was shaved and now that her hair is growing in thickly, you can't really tell so much. She was 14.5 months old when we brought her home and experts seem to agree that the benefit of the helmet is greatly reduced after age 15 months.

We have friends who have a birth son with a very flat head. They started putting the helmet on him when he was about 8 or 9 months old and by his 1st birthday, you could see a remarkable difference!

I think the helmets are a really good corrective tool and the kids seem to get used to wearing it and don't give it a 2nd thought. Some of the helmets are decorated and they're actually cute. If your child is young enough to benefit from this, I think it's a good thing to do. Unfortunately, our kids tend to be too old to benefit from this by the time we get them home.

In really severe cases, the flat back of the head can cause the child's forehead to bulge as it tries to compensate for the lack of space in the skull (as the child's head grows). That can have some pretty serious consequences. I don't see that happening with Lydia (or my little sweetie). If it was going to happen, it would have already happened.

Finally, it's true that there are no perfect children (even though your heart would argue otherwise!). My son had febrile seizures until he was 3 years old. This is why we had no problem deciding to pursue a SN child for our 2nd adoption. All kids have some form of special need, I believe. Some are just less obvious than others.

[roseofchina]

Lissa,
It sounds as though you and your husband have done what is necessary for your little one. Being a parent is the hardest job I've ever encountered. Best of luck to you and your family. I don't know if anyone else who has adopted from China has had this problem...but we found out the hard way that our little Whitley was lactose intolerant which is very common in Asians. She is now on lactose-free milk and at 4 years of age, her little tummy can now tolerate some regular ice cream and yogurt. But it was hard in the beginning when all her friends had ice cream and cake at birthday parties and she had to have a popsicle instead. But she understood and would often tell folks that she couldn't eat ice cream because it made her tummy hurt. She also has very sensitive and dry skin and is extremely sensitive to insect bites! As parents, we do what we believe in our hearts to be right with research and patience and I believe our efforts will be rewarded! Again, good luck to you!

Sharon
(Rose of China)

[MissyAmomChina]

Hi Lissa,

Lilianna had a significantly flat back of her head when she came home. It wasn't particularily obvious because she came home with tons of hair. However, when her hair was wet-it was pretty noticable. I also researched this more after she came home. It was my understanding that at 13-14 months, our children would be too old to really benefit from wearing a helmet. I was also told by the pediatricians in the adoption clinic that Asian children had a more flat head more naturally--and that roundness was more of a cultural preference here than other cultures.

Now that Lilianna has been home for about 14 months her head is much more rounded--but not completely round. I doubt that it will ever be as round as yours or mine--but it's fine. It happened so gradually, I didn't even realize it untill this discussion. Now, even with her hair wet or in pony-tails you wouldn't notice the shape. You really can only tell by running your hand over it. My guess is Lydia's head shape will continue to improve. I think that you will find that as her hair comes in thicker and fuller--even if the her head shape stays the same, it won't be a cosmetic issue.


I have two pictues taken on the same day from last summer when Lilianna had been home about 7 months. By then her head shape had only changed slightly. You can see the difference when her hair is wet and dry. I hope this helps.

Take care,

[KDhappygal]

Lillian's picture reminds me of the shape of Gabriella's head when she came home, though hers reminded me more of a triangle. It seemed very noticeable when her hair was wet too.

Doc said it was fine and not to worry about it.....plus she has masses of hair! The shape of her head did change as she grew older and it is a more normal shape now and of course, she has even more hair now than she did when she came home!

[twoinblue]

Lissa,

Thank you for your story and for reminding us that nothing in life is guaranteed. I've watched friends and family members rant because their child was born with asthma or something else and how "unfair" it was. I remember thinking that I would gladly raise a child with asthma.

Your daughter is beautiful. I think you said once that you are keeping a journal. If you are writing about your decision, then that would help her to understand someday if she has questions.

[MBA62]

Lissa - your post reminded me of an off comment I got during our adoption process. Someone actually said something like "why are you adopting; you'll never know what your getting". Our two bio children were born very ill and ended up in the NICU for weeks. So genetics clearly is no guarantee for good health. Our second child (a girl) had a very flat head at a year old. I mean FLAT. No matter how much tummy time we gave her and how many times I changed positions in the crib, she always got back to her right side. She is almost 4 and you would never know she had this problem. If her hair is wet, you can see it if you look for it, but that's it. She has a beautiful head with full hair and the face of an angel.

We also found our daughter with low energy and with a dazed look at adoption. I think in her case it was lack of stimulation. She was developmentally delayed; gross motor was that of a four month old (she was 10 months old). She was recently evaluated at 13 months developmentally (she's 16 months old) so she's doing beautifully. I agree with the other posters; follow your heart. As mothers we really do know our children best.
Mary

[Norsk]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is good to be reminded that "normal" may include special decision-making as well.
I have a little question for you guys...
What do you mean by a helmet? I'm trying to picture it, but keep seeing a ski-helmet or motorcycle-helmet..