[Shay]

Hi all, I was wondering if everyone's friends and family were on board with your decision to adopt?

1) Yes, all were on board
2) Most were on board
3) a Few were on board
4) None were on board in the beginning but were later in the process
5) other

Feel free to elaborate if you would like, there may be others who are in the beginning stages and would love to hear your stories.

[Shay]

We were very fortunate that all our friends and family were very much on board and very excited with our decision to adopt. They knew all the heartache we went through to try to have a family and knew that this was a wonderful choice we had made.

I am very saddened when I hear stories of those who have no support with their decision to adopt. It is quite an emotional rollercoatser and having that support makes it a little easier to get through the process.

Please know that that is why we are here to help support anyone no matter what stage you are at in this journey.

[CoatAnnHat]

My husbands side was not and is not on board. They dont mention our adoption around me and its as if it will just go away because of their silence.
My family is more on board than anyone else. My parents have known for 14 yrs that adoption was something i felt a need to complete so they werent shocked when i announced it. I have to say, it took me 2 years just to get my HUSBAND on board. He shows up when he is needed and signs where he needs to sign. I know this will all change once the baby is in our arms. He is like this on EVERY major event in our lives, including buying our house and even getting married!
We have gotten a positive response from most of our friends Others we get the "better you than me" answer. We are in our early 40's and none of our friends have babies or even young children.
I have to say, it can be very disheartening to think people can judge your family and how you chose to build it. BUT, I have learned to grow thicker skin, accept that i cannot change other people, and press on with our plans. I have also learned to shut my mouth, for the sake of my new daughter. There are a lot of people who I usually would have flipped off but I am restraining myself!

[BabyBound]

Thank you first for bringing up the subject. My DH and I were surprised that not everyone was as gun-ho about adoption as we were. After years of trying and a never ending song of "it will happen IN TIME..." we were very excited to begin our adoption research.

My DH likes to call me a collaborator, because of the fact that I have to have everyone's input before I make any truly important decisions in our lives. He says I go through the roll call making sure the ayes have it before I commit to anything and our decision to adopt was no different.

Most of our family knew our history with infertility and were please to know that we hadn't given up on having children. Some worked through there reservations about adopting after hearing "our case".


However, there were some whom we felt had to be coaxed into an international adoption. I am sure you all have heard the question, "Why don’t you just adopt domestically? There are children right outside your back door that need homes just as much as any foreign kid would."

In our family’s defense, they were not trying to be bigots. They just couldn’t understand why we were drawn to adoption in China. Our families are of Spanish decent and they just assumed if any international adoption might be considered surely a Spanish baby would do for us.

It took time and a lot of tact from my DH to get them to understand that we had looked into domestic adoption, however we were looking for a permanence that we felt was not possible through adopting domestically. The question of why to adopt from China has been passed around this forum for quite sometime. There are no right answers, just what feels right to you.

We chose to pursue our daughter of China because in this program we found a need. Daughters that wanted homes and a people with a culture and history as deeply rooted in family and tradition as our own. We could have gone to Guatemala, or Mexico or even Columbia, but we weren't looking for someone who would look like us. We were looking for someone who needed our love. We chose it with our hearts.

Our daughter will never look like us but she will also never know a lack of love and we will support her always. We hope that our love and faith in GOD will bestow in her a sense of self that will carry her through her life.

We know that there will be those ppl out there who will question or even critique our happy little family, but we hope that as in all things we will have the love and support of our families and each other to weather through any misadventures we may have to endure.

To all who have had to answer these questions of why and what fore I wish you all the love and blessings that this world has to offer. Good luck and much success to you all.

[Momof2boysinOH]

BabyBound--I just wanted to say that we are also of Spanish descent (well, I'm Spanish and dh is Portuguese but close enough) and the assumption would be that we would adopt from Latin America. Even our own social worker tried to push us to adopt from Guatemala or Mexico. For various reasons China is the best choice for us.
Both of our families expressed reservations when we brought up the idea of adopting. My mom was concerned about us having a 3rd since we already have 2 toddlers. My dh's family said "how can you love an adopted child the same way as a bio child"? Now it seems like they've accepted our decision and dh's father is even going to China. I think it takes time for people to come around and also become educated on international adoption.

[DaveAndKymm]

We've started telling our family and friends and so far everyone has been extremely supportive and happy for us.

Our nieces are even volunteering to babysit which we'll certainly take them up on!

[Lissa]

Very surprisingly all were on board. Some doubted we would go through with it as we had discussed the idea before and then dropped it...but all were on board.

I expected somebody to not be happy about it...but everybody was great. Everybody was supportive. I got a few ignorant remarks...but they were just that...ignorant. Not hurtful for the sake of being hurtful...just uninformed.

I know I am fortunate in this regard and I consider it a major blessing.

[CoatAnnHat]

>>>Our daughter will never look like us but she will also never know a lack of love and we will support her always.

This had to make me laugh... I have two bio sons who do not look anything like me and they dont look anything like each other either. My daughter is my husbands bio daughter (her mom died 2.5 yrs ago and i recently adopted her).. she doesnt look anything like my husband either. We had a family portrait done of the 5 of us and it looks like you took 5 strangers off the street and posed them for a picture!
It really doesnt matter if they look like you or not, as you can see, even bio doesnt mean they will look like you! Both of my sons are of spanish heritage but China is where my baby girl is..

[lhprecmom]

We are all on board. Our entire family has been truely thrilled that we will be parents one day soon. We have tried for over 10 years to have a baby the "natural" way, and my body just dont want nothing to do with it (no its true). So i told DH enough time spent trying and lets get that family we have always wanted. So in sept we started this process, and i couldnt be more pleased with the response by our families. I think the only thing that really makes everyone sad is how much money it costs to do this. But what can you do?

[Teekay74]

Just about everyone is on board and very excited. I expect a long wait- they do not!!! My daughter is ecstatic! I have little cousins that whenever they see a baby thay ask if it is China!! LOL Fun isn't it! Tee

[prechrswife]

Ours, thankfully, are all on board and have been from the beginning.

[Sean&Shan]

Initially my mother was making comments that were killing me (I think she wished that we would try more invasive fertility treatments that we were unwilling to do). She said things like "It's a shame your child won't get your beautiful blue eyes" or "You and Sean (my dh) would have such adorable children" and when we started the adoption and hit our first delay she said, " I wish you would hurry this along, if you had gotten preg. I would have my grand child by --- (whatever date she said at the time)" Needless to say, I finally lost it and gave her a verbal thrashing.

I hate to call my mother shallow (at least publicly, haha!), but I think she had visions of white/blonde kiddies with bright blue eyes running around in her head, and a darker skinned, haired, eyed child didn't initially fit with her preconceived images in her head of walking around with her grandchild. Then one day we were at a large craft show and saw 4 or 5 Asian toddlers with their white parents (we were in Northern Virginia which does have a very multi-cultural population). My mother kept on saying "she's cute", "oh, she's adorable", "did you see how cute that little haircut on her was?" etc. By the end of the day, she had reconfigured her image of her adorable grand-daughter and I haven't had a cross word or comment since. Now everytime I get a call from her she's all about the newest tea-set, purse or special nana thing she's purchased for our daughter Lizzie.

Other than that, I haven't had a moments trouble or hesitation by any of our family or friends. In-fact, after years of trying and miscarriages, our loved ones were very excited and supportive of our adoption announcement. We feel very fortunate and we know that Lizzie is being welcomed into a family and community of friends that truly love her.

[twoinblue]

Shannon - its hard to imagine what must be going through some people's minds sometimes. I'm glad I don't know.


We would be #2 with most on board. Only one BIL and sister have been negative but we don't associate with them anyway. In fact they served to get my Mom MORE excited about it when they made some comment and she has gotten fiercely protective.

Speaking of Moms. A while back I thought someone posted a link for Grandmas message board. Mom wasn't ready at the time. (Until we were DTC I don't think either of our parents actually believed it was going to happen) Anyone still have that?

[L_M_D]

Hi!

We are so lucky, everyone is 100% supportive of our decision!

A neighbor of my mom's asked the inevitable "why aren't you adopting from the U.S.?" question, but she was still happy for us!

Laura & Jim
LID July 13

[Trace7]

Everyone we know has been on board for us We feel very lucky.