[stephdpenn]

Good morning all.
I am so ticked off right now and my dh is at work so I have no one to gripe about this to so everyone here gets to be the lucky ones .
Ok here is what is going on, I was looking at my adoption agency's forum this morning and was left speechless ( for awhile) about a message left from a fellow member. She was addressing the whole weight rumor issue and then talked about how when her and her husband were in China they were held up waiting on the bus while 2 "very obese" women went shopping. That when these women returned they were laughing about how they had made everyone wait. Her message then got really interesting when she said for everyone who is overweight to "get out there & lose the weight, change the diet" - yes these were her exact words!
I didn't respond at first cause I think for the first time in my life I was speechless. I walked away from my computer for awhile and thought about it, did I take that the wrong way? I let a few other respond first with comments like "that is the most stereotyping I have ever heard from one person". So then I knew I wasn't alone. I then responded with "I didn't know all overweight people were disrespectful and late all the time, you learn something new everyday. I hope that your own daughters never have a weight problem one day cause it doesn't seem like they will be getting any support form their mother. Get out there and lose the weight, change the diet. Thanks you so much, why hadn't I ever thought of that?" I signed it Still Shaking My Head In Disbelief.
This lady has since said she was sorry, she had been really catching it for these comments. I just wasn't expecting words like that from a place that you look to for support.
Well thanks for letting me vent, I feel better!

[foxl]

That was thoughtless! My mom had a friend who was built like a bird and one time told her, "Fat people just eat too d*** much!" My mother was dealing with her own weight problem at the time.

It is easy to take that tack if you have never been there I suppose. If you see a fat person overeat, well, that explains it all! If you see a skinny person overeat, well, they must exercise or something.

I hope all those online readers educated her a bit!

[Lissa]

Well it sounds like these two ladies were extremely insensitive, but being overweight and being under sensitive are not necesarily two things that go hand and hand. I know a lot of people who are weight proportionate to height types who have similar (or worse) sensitivity problems.

No one on this planet is perfect. Everyone has flaws and shortcomings. Unfortunately I wear mine on my sleeve. (Actually it's in my sleeve and my shirt and my pants etc ) I live a sedintary lifestyle. I am extremely busy person who has developed the bad habit of eating on the run and eating food that is not the best--but is convienent. Is this the best way to live? No. It is a shortcoming...but I know other less visible, but FAR less becoming shortcomings. I like who I am and have accepted my difference within myself. There are many other people in this world who have decided to not like me due to the superficial reason of my weight. That is their less visible, but far less attractive shortcoming.

[Niccum]

Just another example of a way someone is describing someone. God forbid someone say "two blonde haired ladies held us up at bus time." Think about it. You love this red sweater. It's on an African American, not a white person. There are 20 people, 19 are white. 15 have on red. What do you say? It's on the black person! It's the one thing that makes a person stand out.

Sadly weight has a lot of negative issues surrounding it. "Fat people are lazy." That is said all the time. Really? Is that why I exercise almost daily and my best friend who is 120, sleeps whenever she can? It's what people have been taught!!!

Sorry you saw that. If I was to see it, I would open my big mouth! Gets me in trouble! I have little patience for rudeness!

[foxl]

In China however, saying "You are fat," is equated with "You are looking healthy," or, "You are looking good," despite their own trend toward increasing obesity.

[stephdpenn]

Update: I just checked back in on my agency's forum and this lady has been catching heck all day long to say the least! She has emailed everyone who responded to say she was sorry as well as posting a general apology on the forum. Maybe it is just me but I don't feel her apologies are heartfelt, I hope I am wrong. I still can't believe someone who is open to raising a child from a different culture could be so close-minded. I do believe she learnt to think before she types though.

[Hopeful Gal]

What the heck does holding up a bus and making people wait have to do with being obese? ANYONE can be late and hold up a bus.

The issue is insensitivity to the group schedule, not weight!

Why do so many people have to assume that overweight people automatically have a list of bad qualities? Do they think that since they have a problem with weight that they have a problem with everything else in their lives? I've been overweight all my life, but I am still happily married, have good friends, I'm well groomed, dress nicely, have a nicely decorated home, am very sensitive and sincere, and care about people.

I guess some people just can't look past the weight and that's VERY unfortunate for them.

Donna
www.waitingforlaurenelizabeth.blogspot.com

[stephdpenn]

Hopeful Gal,
I agree with you on everything. I tried to see where the poster was coming from but I could not begin to understand how being overweight made you late. If anything in general most ,not all, overweight people try harder to be nice to everyone in hopes that a person will see them for what is on the inside-not the outside.
I don't see how anyone with those types of views were ever approved for an adoption, unless she hid it very well. This lady is actually adopting again. I just hope I am not in her travel group!

[spaypets]

I, too, fail to see how being obese made one inconsiderate.

I have been on both sides of the weight issue. I have been fat and I am now thin. Truth be told, thin is better--because I am proud of what I've accomplished.

I also thank my lucky stars that I have a normal metabolism that responds properly to diet and exercise. I know, from my brief stint as a Weight Watcher's leader, that some people really do metabolize simple carbohydrates differently and it makes it more challenging to lose weight.

I was also blessed with being raised in a household where healthy eating habits were emphasized. It wasn't difficult for me to concentrate on eating 5 servings of fruits and vegetables because I was raised that way. I didn't have the emotional commitment to fried foods or desserts that others have.

Losing weight is at least 75 percent mental--You have to want to do it to do it. And the heavier you are, the longer your road. It takes work and motivation and if you don't have either, it's really really hard. Even harder is sticking with the plan long after you've lost the weight. Without the weekly lift from seeing smaller numbers on the scale, it's easy to slip up.