[morsedonna]

What should I expect when I bring my daughter home?
Are they generally eating food or still on a bottle? I have read that they may still be on a rice bottle but will they have started on regular food also? I realize this will all depend on the age of my daughter, but I was just wondering what most have found.

[foxl]

Unless she is quite a bit older I would expect her to be on the bottle, which may mean, milk, formula, cereal and or sugar added, or not. Adding regular, solid foods is much more work.

Caregivers must do what is most economical easiest when handling (usually) large numbers of kids.

It is not a bad way to go, at least for starters, keeping her on just a bottle till you find out what else she might know and like. Fewer tummy upsets.

[Tsmom]

My daughter will be 18 months old when we get her. I have been told by several others, that she may still be on a bottle (rice flour & water). I will be taking bottles, sippy cups and cups with straws (I have heard this is what children this age prefer most).

[morsedonna]

I thought that she may still be on a bottle. I also think that will be a great oppertunity for bonding (holding her while feeding her) and one less part of her being a baby that I did not miss.

[soontobethree]

Our daughter was 17 months when we got her. She was eating solid food as well as 3 bottles of milk per day. Her morning and night bottles had rice cereal in them. The paperwork we got on "gotcha day" says that she ate noodles and eggs for breakfast, and smashed meat, vegetables and fruit for lunch and supper.

Melanie

[morsedonna]

So they will give you information as to what she eats. That is great.

[soontobethree]

One of the documents we received told us what kinds of things she was doing (ie blowing kisses, playing peek-a-boo,) That same document listed her schedule and dietary info.

Our daughter is from ZhuZhou. I do not konw if all of thw SWI's provide this info or not. Regarding sippy cups--do not be surprised if your child has never seen one.

Also, regarding bottles--it can be very vital to the attachment & bonding for you to hold her like a baby, looking in to her eyes as you give her the bottle. She may resist this at first but persevere--it is very important!

Melanie

[morsedonna]

Thanks Melanie. I think I read somewhere that bottle feeding works well for attachment and bonding.
I hope we will receive as much information as you did.
It is so nice to get helpful information from those who have been there.

[mdaisyq]

Our youngest daughter was 16 months old when I met her and she was 100% on the bottle. She refused all solid food except for a soft cracker I bought in China and Cheerios, but she had difficulty chewing and swallowing them. I, too, brought sippy cups and cups with straws, small plastic bowls with lids, jars of baby fruit and baby spoons. I never used any of it in China.

It was only with some work, that I got her to try other solid food once we were home, and she was trying and eating everything within a month.

[MissyAmomChina]

Our referral information and update included a very detailed schedule that our daughter was on. It included what she ate and when. At 13 months, she took a bottle with formula, juice or meat broth in it. At 12 months, she was introduced to congee made with broth. For those not familiar with congee, it's a rice poridge that's offered at almost every restaurant you are in China. Many of the babies eat it happily on their trip. I've made it at home. I just cook rice all day in a slow cooker, with 4 x's the regular liquid (water and broth).

For the person who expressed concerns about missing your daughter's babyhood. I would like to say, that in so many ways, there is a lot of baby left in these girls. My daughter was just shy of 14 months when I met her (dh traveled without me due to medical reasons). She was in many ways much more like a 6-9 month old. This is not to scare anyone----she was very alert, immitative, interactive, engaging etc. She's been home 8 months now--and is rapidly approaching 2. I feel that I have had the experience of parenting a baby, a mix of baby/toddler, and just recently, a true toddler--all on fast forward. Honestly, I had some fears that I would somehow feel that I missed so much of my daughter's babyhood------and I don't minimize her life and history before joining or forever family---but I have to share that since she's been home, life is so full of her. There's no way I could feel that I was missing out on anything.

Take care,
Melissa

[foxl]

Love that fast forward!

Our eldest came home at 12 mos, was in some areas developmentally delayed, but took her first step by 14 or 15 mos. and so was indeed suddenly a mix of infant and toddler. And now at 4.3 years, she is a mix of infant and preschooler! She still loves to be babied and cuddled and cooed at, at times. I think the baby is always within -- do nto feel you will miss it!

[sak9645]

It's very hard to generalize. A child who comes home at ten months of age will be very different from one who comes home at 14 months of age. An orphanage that is in a very Westernized area, and that is well-resourced, will have very different feeding patterns from one that is very rural and under-financed. And even homegrown children of the same age tend to vary widely in their eating patterns and preference.

My daughter was 18.5 mo. old when I met her in China. She was from Xiamen, a very prosperous Special Economic Zone in Fujian province, with a "model" orphanage. I received no information about her eating habits in her medical report -- it wasn't the custom back in 1997 -- and the caregivers told me only, "She can eat everything," which turned out not to be exactly accurate. Yes, she had ten teeth and probably "could" eat everything. The problem was that she ate almost nothing.

At our first meal together, I had no clue as to what Becca would eat. I simply had to experiment.

First, I put some cold cows' milk into a bottle and tried to hand it to my daughter. Although she was so emotionally shut down from grief and shock that she didn't smile, didn't cry, etc., she responded by giving me the most amazing SNEER -- full lip curl, etc. It was very clear that she was saying, "What the H... do you think I am, a baby?"

When I took the bottle and poured the contents into a Playtex sippy cup, she immediately picked it up and drank thirstily. She was totally familiar with sippy cups and had no difficulty with the Playtex ones, which require too strong a sucking action for some children. I later learned that she could NOT drink reliably from a regular cup, but that she was a very competent user of straws.

Over the course of the next few days, I also learned one reason for my daughter's extremely low weight. She was the pickiest toddler on the face of the earth -- and we all know that picky kids don't do well in orphanages, where you eat what is set before you.

For one thing, she seemed to have taken a vow NEVER to eat Chinese food again. When I would take her to the hotel breakfast buffet, I would try to interest her in things like rice congee and hot soy milk, and the other things on the Chinese side of the buffet. Forget it. She would start pointing to the Rice Krispies -- she definitely knew what they were -- and cold cows' milk.

And the same was true at lunch and dinner. If we happened to be out and dining at a Chinese restaurant, she wouldn't eat one bite of the food. She would survive on animal crackers, Cheerios, and juice or water until we got back to the hotel.

Meals became very predictable. Breakfast was usually Rice Krispies and milk, possibly with a little yogurt or scrambled egg or bread or banana or orange juice. It was by far her favorite meal of the day, and the one at which she ate the most.

Lunch was generally vegetable soup, a slice of bread in each hand (some of which was eaten), and some mango pudding, plus milk.

Dinner was usually more soup and bread. Once in a while, I could get her to take some bites of mashed potato or steamed rice. There was no way that she would tolerate meat or tofu in any form. And we often finished a meal with a chocolate or banana milkshake. THAT she loved!

Favorite snacks were Cheerios and animal crackers. She looked with great suspicion at most other things that kids were eating.

Whenever I tried to vary Becca's diet, she would either give me another one of her famous sneers or turn her head away with a look of disgust.

Interestingly, although Becca's fine motor skills were not bad at all, she refused to feed herself anything but obvious finger food, like bread or Cheerios. She wanted me to feed her, and I did for the first several months, until she was ready to show a little independence.

Once we got home, Becca didn't change much. She discovered macaroni and cheese in the blue box, which has remained a favorite to this day -- she's almost 10 years old now, and still picky.

She preferred canned soup, with all its sodium, to my nice homemade chicken and vegetable soups. She would eat white bread, but nothing whole grain.

She ate a few baby food hot dogs, although she would not try the real thing. She would occasionally eat the pulled chicken at Chicken Out, though she would refuse chicken at home or anywhere else. Bread had to be eaten plain; if you put anything on it, she felt that it was contaminated.

Becca did not gain well when she came home, and she would often refuse two meals in a row and then cry because her tummy hurt. The doctor was ready to label her "failure to thrive." I told him, "No kid of mine is going to be failure to thrive," and asked for a referral to a respected feeding disorders program at the local children's hospital.

The program was multidisciplinary, composed of a pediatric gastroenterologist, a nurse practitioner, a nutritionist, a psychiatrist, a developmental psychologist, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, and a speech therapist. (I don't think I've left anyone out.)

Becca was evaluated by everyone. We filled out food logs for the nutritionist. Our feeding interactions were observed through one way glass by the psychiatrist. I scooped poop for parasite tests. And on and on and on.

The bottom line for the staff -- no real pathology, just an unusually PICKY KID. They told me to throw out the nutrition book and give Becca the highest fat, highest calorie food she would tolerate. They suggested things like chicken nuggets, which she actually decided were OK, and French fries (not a favorite, even today). They also suggested milkshakes.

However, I learned a lot from the whole process of observing Becca in a systematic way. I realized, for example, that she really didn't have hunger cues. I had to teach her to recognize that those feelings in her tummy were were hunger. I had to teach her that she had to eat SOMETHING at every meal. This was one of MY challenges. It was a tough one, but eventually, she came to understand.

The second parasite tests -- we'd already had some via her pediatrician -- came back negative. However, Becca was not tested for H. pylori, a common pathogen in internationally adopted children, which can cause ulcers.

It was much later when I learned from an adoption professional, not a doctor, that a lot of kids from Russia, China, and other countries were coming home with the bug. By the time we tested, Becca was negative.

However, my pediatrician and the pediatric gastroenterologist admitted that she probably could have had the problem in China, and probably still had an ulcer. It definitely could have accounted for some of her food aversion, since you don't want to eat when it causes you pain -- or even caused you pain in the past. And she did sometimes have unexplainable tummyaches.

The use of regular antacids did not help, so Becca was put on Carafate. After about six months or so, she was no longer having tummy pain. And her eating was gradually improving.

Today, Becca is 9.5 years old. She is totally healthy in every way. She is extremely attractive. She is an outstanding student in a demanding private school. She reads and writes Hebrew, as well as English. She is an excellent little equestrienne, currently in a jumping class. She is a very popular child, who loves a good party.

But she is still very picky. She would live on mac'n'cheese if you let her -- but only if it was the right brand and NOT the homemade variety. She eats only a few vegetables. She eats ground beef and some chicken, but very little else in the way of animal products. She likes some fruits. She is fond of things like waffles and pancakes and bread. She drinks milk and loves ice cream, but will eat only American cheese, nothing at all highly flavored.

To this day, Becca does not like Chinese food. We live in a very Asian neighborhood, and there are many restaurants frequented almost entirely by Chinese people. I love them; she does not.

Interestingly, however, she enjoys Thai fried rice, and pronounces it far superior to the Chinese variety. We are regulars in a Thai restaurant near our home, and the waiters often bring her a free, unrequested Shirley Temple. No, people do not think that she has Thai genes. She doesn't look one bit Thai.

She also enjoys pho, which is Vietnamese beef noodle soup. We go to an excellent local pho place, which is run by a Vietnamese woman of Chinese heritage. She immediately recognized Becca as Chinese, and has always been especially nice to us.

A friend of mine tells me that picky kids grow up to be gourmets, and I'm beginning to believe it!

In any case, Becca is still petite. She weighs only 51.75 lb. and is 51.25 inches tall. Even most of her Chinese friends are bigger. But we can tell, now, that it's not all food-related. She clearly must have had slender birthparents.

Your child's approach to food, both in China and once he/she arrives home, will probably be nothing like Becca's -- for which you will be profoundly grateful! In fact, it may be nothing like that of another child in your group, who comes from the same orphanage. And it will certainly be nothing like another child whom you meet at the White Swan or the China, who comes from another part of the country.

So, if you are referred a toddler, be sure to pack bottles, sippy cups, and unbreakable regular cups. Pack baby spoons or regular ones; you don't want to have to steal silverware from the dining room -- and, yes, the hotels we stayed in all had silverware. Even consider packing a pair of chopsticks, since some kids are used to being fed with them.

Pack Cheerios, unless you hear that they are now available in China; they weren't when I traveled. All the kids, even the toothless ones, love them. Pack biter biscuits or animal crackers. Consider bringing a couple of milk boxes that are non-perishable, and some non-refrigerated juice boxes.

And, oh yes, pack BIG bibs. Toddlers make big messes!

Sharon

[morsedonna]

Melissa,
Thanks for the information. I am glad to know that I will not feel I missed out on my daughter being a baby.

[morsedonna]

Thanks Sharon, I really enjoyed this story