[froggygirl30]

I have a couple of questions about international adoption in general and china adoption. We are thinking about starting the process to adopt from china or vietnam sometimes early next year.

> How young can you get a child from china?

> My husband is very overweight and has diabetes but is still active and able to take care of a child (infant), do you think this will prevent us from adopting?

> When we return from china with our child, I will probuably be able to stay home for a week or two to help our child adjust to our home,then my 17 yr old (she's 15 now but will be 17 by the time we get a child)daughter (who is home schooled at night) will be watching our baby, do you think this will be a problem with the agency or with home study?

> My 17yr old and the baby will be sharing a room (my daughter doesn't usually stay in her room now, she sleeps on the couch and doesn't like to stay in her room) do you think this will be an issue with the homestudy agent or the adoption agency?

> When should we start looking into decorating the nursery? And what is the average price for a crib these days? I haven't bought one in 15yrs so I'm kind of out of the loop.

> When we get our referrel how far in advance do you know when you have to travel?

> Did you have the full amount for the adoption when you started or did you collect it over the process?

> How long did your homestudy take to complete and what is the average?

>We are planning on paying around $16,000-$17,000 for our adoption (my husband,daughter and I are traveling), is there anyway to lower the price? Any ideas on raising money?

Sorry I know it's a lot but we are doing extensive research before we start this long process

[spaypets]

Um, I think you'll find that everyone (parents, experts, social workers) will tell you that being able to "stay home for a week or two to help our child adjust to our home" isn't nearly enough time. Attachment needs time and you should really expect to have one parent stay home AT LEAST six weeks (and IMHO that's not enough time--ideally, I'd say at least 12 weeks) to facilitate attachment. It make sense really. How is the baby going to know you're her mother if you're not there most of the time? And how will you really get to know her if you are away all day?

As for having your minor daughter (because at 17, that's what she is) babysit while you're at work, I am pretty sure that most states would have an issue with that being your plan.

[froggygirl30]

thanks.
One question, why do you think they would have a problem with my daughter watching her/him? She's homeschooled at night by my husband (she got very sick last year after rowing for the crew team and was out of school for 3 months and couldn't catch back up so if she did go back to public school she would have to be a freshie again and that's not cool with us or her so we're going to homeschool her.) I mean I don't want to send the child to daycare when she first arrives and I think bonding with her older sister during the day would be really healthy for her and her sister. Just a thought. Wondering what your opinion on it is.

[Tsmom]

CHINA - The time is about 12 months for a Health Child or 6-8 months for a Waiting Chhild. (Children who are over 3 years old and/or have mild correctable medical needs) Waiting Children are expidited and some have reduced or NO fees! Our child is a Waiting Child!

My husband is an insulan dependant diabetic and so long as your doctor states on the medical form that his condition(s) will not be a problem being a good parent, it will be fine.

As for your day care situation/bedroom - you will have to talk to your social worker or your adoption agency. Different agencies have different requirements for day care during the first few months. Most agencies/SW let children of the same gender share a room, but the age difference might be a problem.

I started decorating a month ago. We should have Chloe in October. A crib will run you about from $200 -400.00 not including the mattress. You might be able to buy one from a second hand store cheaper, just be sure it meeds current safety requirements. You could post at a local preschool that you need a crib and you may get one for free!

Referral - you get to travel 6-8 weeks after referral

You don't need the full amount up front. You pay your application fee to your agency. Then you pay the rest of your agency fees in a couple of installments (usually many months apart) Each agency is different. Homestudy fees are the same way. You pay in installments. You will also have to pay for some of your documents, plus, notary fees, certification fees, and authentication fees. These too are all broken up over time.

Our homestudy was completed very fast- 3 weeks. Some take about 2 months or more. It all depends on the agency and what they require, Some require an orientation that is only offered once a month and make you attend parenting and other information classes. Mine didn't require any of this. Ask questions about time and requirements when shopping for a home study agency.

Good luck and congratulations on your decision to adopt!
Nona

Originally Posted by froggygirl30

I have a couple of questions about international adoption in general and china adoption. We are thinking about starting the process to adopt from china or vietnam sometimes early next year.

> How young can you get a child from china?

> My husband is very overweight and has diabetes but is still active and able to take care of a child (infant), do you think this will prevent us from adopting?

> When we return from china with our child, I will probuably be able to stay home for a week or two to help our child adjust to our home,then my 17 yr old (she's 15 now but will be 17 by the time we get a child)daughter (who is home schooled at night) will be watching our baby, do you think this will be a problem with the agency or with home study?

> My 17yr old and the baby will be sharing a room (my daughter doesn't usually stay in her room now, she sleeps on the couch and doesn't like to stay in her room) do you think this will be an issue with the homestudy agent or the adoption agency?

> When should we start looking into decorating the nursery? And what is the average price for a crib these days? I haven't bought one in 15yrs so I'm kind of out of the loop.

> When we get our referrel how far in advance do you know when you have to travel?

> Did you have the full amount for the adoption when you started or did you collect it over the process?

> How long did your homestudy take to complete and what is the average?

Sorry I know it's a lot but we are doing extensive research before we start this long process

[spaypets]

I think the reason there will be concern is because she's a minor. Occasionally babysitting is one thing, but to have her be the fulltime nanny is another.

[froggygirl30]

thank you!!!

Do you think they would not approve us if my daughter was watching our child?

We just found it absurd to put her in daycare if my daughter is home all day and can watch her and take care of her until we get home.

As for them sharing a room, my mother-in-law lives with us but we may ask her to move when we adopt that way both kids have their own room.

Do you think they wouldn't want us to adopt an infant because we have a 15yr old (she'll be 16 when we start the process and 17 when we get our child; probuably).The reason we were looking at infants was because my daughter is not my husbands daughter, that's her stepfather and we want to raise a child together and we want an infant. I'm 37 and he's 35 so I think we're at an ok age to adopt an infant right?

[forest26]

The main reason that you don't want your daughter 'watching' your child is that 'watching' is not caring for her. She will need almost constant attention, physical and emotional, not to mention structure and developmental support. This is too much for a teen-ager. Your daughter needs more than that. She needs an adult who can give her the attention, care, and developmental support she may not have recieved during her stay in China and throughout her young life. The other reason is that your older daughter needs to finish her childhood as a child. Thats a huge responsibilty to put on someone so young.

If you really think that a 17 year old is capable of a full time role such as this, perhaps you should talk to adoption professionals. I suspect they will tell you otherwise.

Also, not staying home for at least 6 weeks will likely run you into problems with your home study. There is a requirement in my state, although I don't know the specifics as this was not an issue for me.

[froggygirl30]

Yea I guess you gals and guys are right. I don't know what to do. I mean do ou think they would not give us a child if she did care for her during the day?
I will probuably be able to stay home 6weeks after the child gets home (just have to talk to the old boss) so I don't think that will be a prob.
My daughter is extremely mature and is actually often mistaken for 19-20 yr old because she is so mature. She's not interested in things that normal teens are interested in. She's 15 now and she's already thinking about what she wants to do after high school and looking at colleges. I think my child would be perfectly fine in her hands but I don't want us to not get a child because we trust our daughter enough and because our daughter wants to watch the child that we get. I hope that doesn't hinder our chances. What do you think?

[SofiasMom]

I don't know what a SW would think of a 17 yr old taking care of your child full time. I would however caution you that your daughter is now 15 and alot can happen in 2 years. She might decide to go back to high school, go away to college, etc.

[froggygirl30]

True. But she has to finish the end of freshman year and sophmore year in one year. And we have talked about her going back to school and she says and we say it's not a good option at this point. She wants to get ahead of the people her age and hopefully take local college courses her senior year of high school and then go to NYC for college after her senior year. So we're not sure.

[Momof2boysinOH]

I agree with the other posts. I was always considered "mature" and I babysat summers when I was 15 and 16. When I look back on that, I realize that I had a lot to learn about childcare when I was that age. I have a toddler and a baby right now and it's really a lot of work to take on for an ADULT, let alone a teenager!

Perhaps you should read some books on the subject of international adoption. You have to keep in mind that the children are in an orphanage for the first year of their lives, and it will certainly be an adjustment once you bring them home. You can't foresee whether or not the child will have attachment issues, have trouble sleeping, be ill, etc. It's really not fair (or legal I think) to saddle your teenaged daughter with this responsibility. Sorry to be blunt but I think an adult with more childcare experience is better suited to taking care of a child full-time, particularly a child who will need special attention.

[forest26]

If she's that ambitious, I would imagine that in 2 years, she would be focused on preparing for her future, college, etc. So best not to have your heart set on this plan of action. College and college-prep are very time consuming. best of luck to all of you no matter what you choose.

[hugs_trees]

I'll be dealing with a big age difference, too, though not 15-16 years. Probably 10.

I think it's unfair to expect a 17-year-old girl to spend 40+ hours a week caring for her younger sister. I spent summers doing the same thing when I was a teenager. I was responsible for my younger brother while my mother worked full time. I resented it deeply. He didn't really get care, just supervision, and I went away for college partly so I wouldn't have to continue to be an unpaid nanny. My mother has told me repeatedly that she regrets it, and that if she had to do it again, she would've found another way.

At 17, she'll be thinking of college soon after the baby comes home anyway. And there is also the possibility that the new child will attach to her sister as a mother figure, since she'll be the more constant caregiver.

[Tsmom]

When I was a sophmore in high school, I was homeschooled that year, I was a Nanny to a 6 week old little boy. I do feel that your daughter is probably more than capable, however, you do need a good back up plan in case she changes her mind. She may not understand how HARD it is to care for an infant (in your case a 9-24 month old). I would highly reccomend her getting a babysitting job that lasts all day everyday for a neighbor or something. Also, Orphans have special needs. Attachment issues are a major thing to consider. Also, some of these children come home with needs that were not diagoised, such as Hep B+, heart problems, and epilepsy just to name a few. There is a Yahoo board about this (Yahoo also has many China adoption related boards where you can post this for others who have already adopted).
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/a-parents-china/
(Here is one)
I think it is wonderful that you want to adopt (I am not trying to discourage you), I just want to make sure you understand that this child is not going to come home and be perfect. She is going to have issues. Issues that a 17 year old - no matter how mature- can deal with. Please contact your local FCC chapter:
http://www.fwcc.org/
Have them put you in contact with other families in your area that have adopted. They can tell you their stories.
Nona

[froggygirl30]

I completely agree with you guys are saying and understand your views. She has had full day baby sitting jobs everyday so she knows what it's like. She used to watch a 9 month old and a 2 yr old when she was 14 all day everyday during the summer. She liked it. Thanks for your views though. I really appreciate it.

We have done extensive research so we know tons of stuff about international adoption and china adoption, this was just an option and may or may not work. We are not forcing this on her, it's completely up to her and she is going to make the final decision. She's all for it right now but she says we should talk about it when we get there because it may change. (I told this girl is mature; it's weird). She loves watching kids but she'll have to decide and we'll have to decide if she should do it all day.

By the way great point about the child thinking that her sister is more her mom than me. Never really thought about that. We don't want a huge problem with attachment when it comes to her going to college. So we're nervous about that.