[MissyAmomChina]

Hi,

I've been wanting to bounce a few questions off of this group. I know I'm too wordy at times so I'll do my best to keep this simple. I think things have gone really well in the bonding department with Lilianna esp. considering I didn't travel. I've practiced some of the bonding techniques recommended on attachhina.org. We've monitored her and done the checklist etc. Every now and then I've had a few questions. However, overall, I
think her bonding and attaching has gone really well.


I noticed around the 5 month home mark our relationship seemed to get deeper. Well, around 3 weeks ago we seem to have had another change. Lilianna seems extremely into me----almost obsessed with
being with me. She's not anxious to be around other people and she is happy to interact with others. However, it seems like her interest has suddenly focused on me. Here are some examples, she used to happily sit next to me and play--now she must sit on me and
play. She would play at a playground and frequently check in----now she only wants to do things that I do with her. She would participate in her baby gymanstics class--now she wants to be held and watch the other kids. She used to play for a 1-2 minutes if I
went to the kitchen--now she's one step behind me if I go anywhere. She used to sit in her chair at a meal and interact with everyone --now she only wants to sit on my lap at meals and interact with everyone. We've had some "velcro" baby days before. However,
they usually tied into not feeling well from colds, teething etc. This has been going on for about 3 weeks and I don't think she's
sick.

I've asked my friends who are mommies (none them have adopted) and they all say this is a completely typical phase that most kids go
through. I'm asking you all what do you think? Is this a typical phase that all children bio and adopted go through? Is this a phase in bonding with our kids? If so, is a good thing or a bad thing? I guess my greatest worry is that somehow I've not meet Lilianna's
needs and now that why I'm seeing this major "velcro" baby phase.


Lastly, this is how I'm trying to deal with it. For the most part,I can hold her and meet her need (I'm off on summer break--so it's all mommy all the time) I'm encouraging her to participate in activities but not forcing her too. I am taking some scheduled breaks every evening when Bill is home so I can have an hour to myself. Is this how you all handle it? Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance for any input.

Take care,
Melissa

[Jen4]

All I can say is don't worry. All of my children have gone through phases like this. I know it feels like you don't have any time to yourself right now.

I tend to take the laid back approach to these times. If they need me to be close then I'm there for them. If I need to get something done and can't hold them, then they sometimes have to whine and cry until I'm done. But that's ok.

I think your daughter is just needing reassurance that you are really there and you aren't going anywhere. Just be patient with her and treasure these times. In a few years she will not want those hugs and cuddles as much.

Jen, soon to be mommy to four

[Momof2boysinOH]

Yes, I think it's a phase all kids go through. My 2-year-old is obsessed with daddy. Daddy can't leave the room without my son having a fit. He's not the same way with me. I have to beg him to give me a hug or a kiss. He wants to do everything his daddy does. So you can imagine how hard it is when my husband has to travel on business. He was gone for 2 weeks a couple of months ago and my son was really upset. But we survived!

Cherish this time with your daughter. I wish my son were as affectionate and close to me as your daughter is with you.

Have a good summer!

Mary
Mommy to 2 bio sons
Waiting to turn 30

[Jensboys]

I too agree its a phase - also, what you mentioned at the end is probably the "key". Mommy is on summer break and thus available all the time. Baby probably LOVES that mommy is on summer break and is available all the time and thus is keeping a close eye on mommy to make sure she doesnt go "off summer break".

I recently started homeschooling my older kids -- I am sort of finding the same phenomena, suddenly I am available to them 24-7 and suddenly they need me 23-7 Its just a new phase of relationship because we are together full time.

Jen