[terryb]

For those families who have adopted from China and also have bio children...

I have been workign throught our educational materials and the section on Attachment. There are some sections with ideas on things to do with your baby when you bring baby home to help foster attachment (keeping baby close, singing songs, feeding, responding quickly, eye contact, playing together etc etc. etc.). I was wondering if the things you did were similar to what you did when your bio children were young. Or were you more aware of working on the closeness when you brought your a-child home?

I'm not sure that I'm explaining this well, but hopefully you get the gist of the question!

Thanks!!

[foxl]

I brought home one child at 12 mos from India, and a second from Guatemala at 2 yrs.

I would add to your list: bathe together if you are comfortable doing it, frequent lotion massages (which we still do 3 yrs later on the first!), and my favorite -- but with plenty of attention to safety, of course: SWIMMING! Our daughter required OT for a birth injury so we were advised to get her into a pool ASAP. You have skin on skin, trust, and fun, all at once.
Linda

[foxl]

And some further thoughts -- attachment is ongoing, it is not an event which once completed is over. With any child you should make a continual, conscious effort at maintaining your bond.

Another thing is, attachment should be seen as a spectrum -- not as yes/no or black/white. Sometimes symptoms of difficulty are mild and simply resolve with time and conscious effort. Be conscious of "possible" behaviors related to attachment, but at the same time, do not read too much into what are normal behaviors for a child of the age group in question!

HTH,
Linda

[terryb]

Hi Linda,


Thanks for your reply! However, I'm not sure that I got the gist of my question across...I have two bio children who are still quite young and many many things that I've seen suggested (to foster attachment) are things that I do/did normally with my children. So when we bring our new baby home, how different should I expect it to be (with regard to doing things to develop attachment)...is it kind of like having a newborn at home? with responding to them quickly, having them close much of the time, gentle touching/massage, playing peekaboo etc.? Is it a much more concerted effort?

I can see a difference in that it would be me and hubby doing all of the care (diapers, feeding, holding etc.) at least initially and of course we wouldn't expect that our new baby would be doing the same things as our bio children at the same age.

HOpe this helps to explain what I'm really asking! Thanks!!

[foxl]

I don't have bio kids, but I think it really is very much the same bonding process, it is just that I think sometimes adoptive parents might be more aware and deliberate in "pushing" the attachment process ... does that make more sense?

I was trying to get across that bio kids actually should get the SAME level of attention to attachment ...
Linda

[Lorraine123]

I find this interesting. I have two bio sons and my daughter was adopted at age 6 from foster care. She has attachment disorder. As a result I have learned tons about facilitating attachment. I realize that doing attachment work with a school age child is different, but I would like to try to answer your question.

Since I have an attachment disordered daughter, I now know how vital early interaction is. So, while I did all those attachment things with my biological children, I wasn't aware that I was doing them. Thats just what a mom does. With my daughter, on the other hand, the thought of the attachment process is always on my mind. And I think that would be the case for me if I adopted an infant now.

So - the activites would be same, but I would be different. Does that make sense? In fact, I probably would do more attachment work with an adopted baby just because I know what a devasting thing attachment disorder is.