[mbachand]

My husband and I have just started the process of adopting from China. We have a 5 1/2 yr old biological son, and would like to adopt a little girl - toddler age (1-3yr) from China. I have been doing lots a research and reading on adopting at this age, and have become more discouraged the more I read. It seems like this is a very difficult age to adopt at. Has anyone adopted a toddler from China, and have found this to be true? We would consider a younger child if most adoptees have felt this was a very difficult time for a child to be adopted. Any feedback would be very appreciated...M

[KarenInCa]

Hiya,
DH and I are also adopting an older toddler. Dont listen to the things you might hear. We have done a lot of research, and have tried to find things on the net as well, its just very hard finding anything because everyone that gets children, want the babies, so there isnt much to find on the toddlers in China. However, I have found a few people that have adopted toddlers and have heard the same thing from all of them. They are very happy with the toddler, and find that there are no more issues than adopting a baby as far as attachment disorders etc. You are welcome to PM me, we will be DTC in Feb if all goes well.

[sivad73]

I have a friend that adopted a little girl from China a year and a half ago, Mae was 3 1/2. They have had a few issues but nothing that you would not expect. Maes biggest problem was showing no emotion when she would do something wrong or get into trouble. She would just look at them blankly, but with time and love ( about a year) she is much better! I mean the poor baby had been in an orphanage for 3 years,( and although not ideal at least to her it was familiar)was taken out, put with strangers she did not know and did not understand. I would have a few issues too! These kids just need a stable home and great moms and dads like yall!

[lucyjoy]

While I think the potential for attachment issues is high at this age, so is the likelihood of healing quickly. Because the ability to bond occurs between birth to age 2 or three, many of the children in orphanages do not get the care of one primary care giver. There are many things you can do to help a child that age form a secure attachment such as reparenting-bottle feeding, rocking, holding the child, limiting who the child interacts with for starters. While I wouldn't let the stories scare me away from adopting, I would use the knowledge of potential problems to learn parenting that facilitates attachment and to locate a therapist or agency that understands attachment and post institutionalized issues children can face in case the need for one would arise.

[miri]

We also have a 5 year old and would like to adopt a daughter close to 2 and a half. I am not so much concerned about attachment issues or other problems, but whether we can actually adopt a child in this age range. We have been told that even if we request a child of this age, we may still be referred a 1 year old. So my question is, has anyone managed to adopt a child of this age after requesting it, and how old are the parents? Please respond if you know anyone who has had any luck!! Thanks.

[mbachand]

Thanks to everyone for the input. I am trying very hard to not let everything I read about the possible problems with adopting toddlers discourage me. I was hoping that with love, time, and encouragement our future little girl will be able to adjust to our family just fine. Already having had kids, I at least know that toddlers, themselves, can be trying and a handful. But, it is such a fun and wonderful age, and we can't wait to have that experience again!

[sak9645]

My daughter was 18.5 months old when I adopted her in China. She is 9 years old now. She is totally healthy, academically successful, loving and empathic, an excellent little equestrian, and a major league party animal. She has been delightfully easy to raise.

I would be delighted to answer your specific questions about toddler adoption, recognizing, of course, that all children are different and that my experience may not be the same as someone else's.

Sharon