[cu_mass]

My husband and I are just getting started and are considering adopting from China.

My question is, do both of us have to go to China if there are circumstances that would prevent one of us from going? Obviously, it would be our preference to both go, but I'm not sure that will be possible so don't know if China is a viable option for us.

[cbcse]

Hi! We are just starting the process too, and although I have a lot of questions myself, I DO know that only one parent has to travel. If both parent's don't travel there is a little more work involved but people do it all the time. We know that my husband won't be able to go with and that helped us narrow down our choice to China. It is recommended that you have a travel companion to help with the trip. I hope that helps! Good luck! Beth

[sak9645]

... parents to travel to finalize the adoption.

The only hassle becomes on the American end of things. If only one spouse travels, the child comes home on an IR-4 visa instead of an IR-3, and readoption is necessary before automatic citizenship takes effect. And if only one spouse travels, there is a need for the I-864 Affidavit of Support to be completed.

As the Mom of a wonderful daughter from China, I would encourage both of you to travel, if at all possible. It is the trip of a lifetime. And, although I'm single, I know that my married friends, including the couples who were in my travel group, felt that the trip was a marriage enriching experience.

As far as whether a person needs to take someone else, if a spouse can't go, my own feeling is that it is not necessary. I did not bring a companion, though I was in a wonderful travel group. And I must say that, in some ways, I'm glad I didn't have someone with me. You should know that I wasn't some Superwoman, either! I was a 51 year old, slightly overweight, sedentary woman whose only foreign travel had been on fairly upscale trips to countries like France.

My daughter looked like Hell when I got her, and was emotionally shut down with grief and shock; I suspect that a companion less emotionally invested in parenting than I was might have tried to persuade me to reject the placement. And that would have been absolutely horrible. My daughter has turned out to be an utterly amazing child -- gorgeous, healthy, intelligent, warm and empathic, and a real party animal!

Also, there was absolutely no confusion in my daughter's mind about who Mom was; I was the one who was with her 24/7, and once she got over her grief and shock, she let me know in her own little way that she loved having a Mom and being adopted.

If you know someone who is very flexible and easygoing, who is a good traveler, who is willing to make the trip to help you and not just to sightsee, and who is sensitive enough to know when to help and when to let you and your child bond, that's great. Many people have brought parents, inlaws, siblings, children, and friends, with great success.



Sharon

[Byrnes]

It's an amazing trip. I can't wait to take both of my girls back when they are older. If it is at all possible both of you should go. That being said The first time we went 5 years ago there were two single moms in our group, one brought her sister the other one did it all by herself. And I must say I was amazed. It can be a pretty hard trip. The agency that we used now doesn't allow one person to travel, but I really don't think that it is their decision to make. On the last trip we had one couple whose husband works in Asia and he had to leave during the trip to take care of some business and then he was able to join us again later. When the mom was by herself with her daughter she didn't do everything that the group did but choose which events she wanted to see and other times stayed at the hotel and rested and played with her daughter. It worked out great. I think that its all a matter of pacing yourself, but what in life isn't?.
Good luck-Byrnes