[healing]

I based my research on my non identifying info from CHS of California. After reading earlier threads I am now worried that I have gone down the wrong road.

The only info that didn't fit was where my maternal grandfather was born, everything else fits. Should I be worried?

I was hoping to call the number tomorrow, but I have read that I should send a letter. My mother is 79 (if she is still living). I don't want to wait, but am confused.
Suggestions?

[SoniaRose]

Hi from another adoptee from CHS in CA.

Why do you think you might have gone down the wrong road? It sounds like you've been doing your research since you even know where the woman's father was born.

If I were you, I'd write her a letter, explaining that you are searching for your bmom, giving her the facts as you know them, and ask if she can offer any information that might be of help. Since you've not sure you've found the right person, you probably don't want to start off asking directly if she is your bmom.

Letters are better than phone calls -- you especially don't want to shock a 79 year old lady. I would give her a few weeks to respond; if you don't hear anything, then you could call to follow-up, asking if she received the letter.

Anyway, it can't hurt to send off a letter -- even if it turns out that she is not the right person. And you shouldn't wait too long since she is elderly.

Best of wishes. Keep us posted.

[healing]

The reason I thought I was going down the wrong road is that so many people said the information from CHS was incorrect.

Thank you for your words of wisdom, I think I will write her a letter today. I only have one first impression and I don't want to scare her more than she would be on her own....

[SoniaRose]

Did your non-id from CHS give you enough clues to help narrow your search? My background report provided absolutely no identifying information that would have helped in a search -- it told me the countries in which my bparents were born, how old they were at my birth, etc. No names, no cities, no dates... In my case, however, I had been "found" by some b-cousins, so I know that all the information in my report was actually very accurate. I value the report because it told my story from my bmom's viewpoint. (She died many years ago.)

I wouldn't worry too much if the biggest discrepancy is the birthplace of the grandfather -- maybe a mistake was made somewhere along the line. Hopefully she'll let you know if you've reached the wrong person.

Good luck with your letter -- I hope she gets back to you soon.