[cecalo]

Our family is hoping to adopt a toddler from a waiting child list. She has limb differences and is missing parts of both of her legs (from above the knee). We are very early in the process and have not met her yet. My question is, are there things we can do now to prepare us as parents, our home, or our other kids?

Thanks,

Elaine

[momraine]

First off congratulations! I have two limb different children I have adopted. Your best resource will be other parents. My daughter is also missing parts of both legs. One below the knee and one above. She is totally amazing. She walks, runs, jumps and dances (in an advanced class, I am just a tiny bit proud of her!) There are several lists that helped me. One is called I-can, it stands for international child amputee network. I will try to send you a link later or you can search for it. One thing I did for my other children was to show them pictures of some of the kids from that site, they have profiles and you can learn about them. There is also a yahoo group for parents who have or are adopting limb different children. I think the only modifications we have in our house are we have stools in the bathrooms. My son's room has an extention on his lightswitch to help him reach it. I just got it from a company that makes things for babies. he has no legs at all. We also keep our dishes, plates and cups and stuff in a low cupboard so the kids can take thier turn setting the table. We have chairs and stools in the kitchen that they use to climb and get what they want. Because my son has only one hand and is usually on the ground we had some doorknobs changed out to the lever kind, but before we got very many changed he got tall enough he didn't need them anymore. You will be amazed at what she will figure out on her own. We live in a two story house and both of my younger kids can climb the stairs easily. My son uses a power wheelchair at school, but not at home. He prefers his own unique way of "walking" at home. There is a book called "imagine, amazing me" that amazon has that has photos of limb different children doing every day things. That might be good for your other children. The questions other children have usually center around how it happened, (we tell them they were born like that just like you were born with brown eyes, or blond hair or whatever) is it contagious and does it hurt. We tell other children they have to ask before touching someone elses body. Our daughter was young enough when she came home (ten months) that we were able to let our older boys look at her hand and her legs and touch them and ask thier questions. Our son was six and a little more touchy, but by then they had lived with thier sister and so it was no big deal. I let them help him wash his hair and stuff (he does that by himself now, he can take a bath with no help at all, in the shower he needs help turning the water on and off cause the faucets are too high) but helping him when he first came home helped them get to know him. The hospital my kids go to for my daughter's prosthetics and my son's check up also has support groups, picnics and camps. Those things benefitted all my children.

[coachmom]

Hi, Elaine,I think I saw your post on the yahoo group.
Did you get my reply? We just brought home our little one who has arm anomolies(both arms) my bio son was born that way also with a leg missing.
We got him into infant and toddler assestments and got some great ideas. We werent prepared when he was born as we didnt know.This time around, we knew what to expect(well, at least a little more) but are allowing him to show us what he can do first and then adding a few challenges. Do some reading on limb deficiencies and get involved with a group if possible in your area. feel free to pm me. If you have a Shriners Hospital close by, they are awesome.
Coachmom

[cecalo]

I spoke to our family doctor and he is checking out some resources for me. Some of the things I wonder about are:
1. Would it be better to speak to her doctor's before she is home to get things set up?
2. Are one story houses better? We will have to move pretty soon, but I really don't want to try to do it now.
3. Shold we put our new child on the main story of the house? I know that sounds silly but our girls' room is upstairs. We have one bedroom downstairs, but our boys are in it and their furniture would not fit. (The girls' bedroom will fit 2 cribs or toddler beds, but not twins.)

I think the closest Shriners is in Chicago. We are in Detroit. Only a couple of hours away.

[momraine]

Neither of my kids have issues with stairs and for the first five years of my daughters life we lived in a house where all the bedrooms were upstairs. We do now have them both in first floor rooms and it is easier. You will have to watch her at first, as you don't know if she knows how to use stairs and so she will have to practice if she has not. Our daughter had never been down stairs (never been out of the room she lived in really) My son had learned how to go up and down stairs and was good at it. If your child is under three you can get Early intervention. It may be called something else where you live. Talk to your doctor about it. We had PT and OT that came to our house and helped a lot. It's a program through the state that usually serves kids from birth to age three.
I will second the reccomendation for Shriners. We use Scottish Rite in Texas which is similar. We drive two hours to get there and it's worth it. For your other kids one thing that might help is to go to the I-can website and click on the profiles. Let your kids look at the photos. YOu can see some on my blog, but I don't know how much my kids limbs are showing, though there is a video of my daughter dancing. If it lets you look at the blogs I follow, look for one called all my beans or something like that that. It has some video of a little girl who was adopted over a year ago I think. She just got her first tall legs with bending knees and it has video of her walking for the first time. The things to assure your other kids would be:
1. Her differences don't cause her pain.
2. She is just like them.
3. the differences are not contagious.
I usually explain to children that just like Some people have blond hair and some have brown and some have red or black, some people have two hands and some have one, and some have normal legs and some have different ones.
Another thing I thought I would mention. My son who has no legs at all, is almost 9 and still sleeps in a toddler bed because it's easier for him. (though it's a racecar bed with spiderman bedding so it's cool enough for him, LOL) We have stools in the bathrooms and kitchen. Our favorite kind are made by rubbermade and we got them at Wal-mart. They fold and have two steps. The top step is wide enough to sit on and when it's open it's fairly sturdy. We have one that's white plastic and one that is black plastic. My daughter had not been allowed to do much and so was pretty dependant, my son was the total opposite. He could get himself in and out of chairs and dress himself and do everything. You will probably want to be sure you have a good stroller, maybe a cheap one for traveling (if you are going overseas) and good one for when you get home. Possibly a double one if you have another little one) Oh and there is a book! Written by one of the I-can moms. It's called "imagine, Amazing me" It has great pics of kids with limb differences doing kid stuff. It would be great to read to your other kids and maybe later to take to school when your new child starts school.

[cecalo]

My oldest children (ages 5 and 6) are excited about the adoption. We have looked at I-Can and even some youtube clips showing people using prothetic legs.

Momraine, is the height of your son's bed what make it easier for him? I was thinking, far off into the future, that a trundle bed might be a good choice.

I'm going to go order that book tonight.

[momraine]

Yeah, the height makes it easier for him to get in and out of when he is tired, plus he is a restless sleeper and falls out of other beds sometimes. Also because he has no legs at all he is very short. He is also just a tiny kid, he does not like to eat so he only weighs 30lbs. So the bed is a good size for him. He won't be too big for it for a long time, then we too were thinking of a trundle bed. When he is wide awake he gets in and out of chairs, one and off the couch and stuff very easily. He also has no problem with the toilet. In the shower we did put in one of those hand held ones, we do still have to turn the water on and off for him. Dd can finally reach to do that herself. Dh is just not a good enough plumber to move the handles! Changing out the shower head was hard enough for him LOL. Because indoors he does not like to use his chair, but prefers to scoot we had some doorknobs that we changed out for leaver type ones with a little curliecue at the end - this was important cause we tied a rope to the handle he could pulle down on to open the door and the curlique kept it from sliding off! He is now tall enough though to reach most of the door handles from the ground. He also sometimes uses a skateboard in the house and loves to use it outside of the house (He thinks the ramps we have for the wheelchairs are for his skateboard!) I will have to put some videos of him skateboarding on my blog. Good luck, I am excited for you!