[pogonorms]

She has 2 fingers on each hand, one leg without a tibia (bone) so she can't fully support herself on it and the other leg is missing above the knee.

I've spoken with a few people about the possibility of adopting her (if I were chosen) and they all say what a burden it will be.

I understand she has limitations but I believe that she was born that way, she doesn't know any other way, and she gets things done. She picks things up and plays with them, she can stand with furniture as assistance, etc.

I believe in not treating her as disabled but as challenged. I would help her with things she can not do but urge her to do things for herself.

There are plenty of people out there who have a "normal" life despite not having limbs. I even saw a teen girl on some TV story put contacts in with her feet.

Am I being realistic or just rainbows and sunshine?

[Tuppy]

I think it will take a special person to parent this special child and if you feel that you are capable of incorporating these orthopedic issues into your life and lifestyle, this baby girl would be blessed and so would you!

Your point of view that she isn't disabled, but challenged is perfect....you won't let her use her imperfect limbs as an excuse not to learn or do, but will motivate her to overcome and cope.

I think you would make a perfect Mommy for this baby girl.

Let us know what you decide!

[pogonorms]

Thanks! Unfortunately, it's not up to me. But I sure hope we get chosen!

I have 4 bios. 2 yr old triplets and a 5 yr old. Yet I know I can do this. The caseworker said she had a concern about me having almost "quadruplets," one having special needs. I told her "what if I did have quads and one with special needs... would you think I couldn't handle it?"

Hopefully she'll vote in my favor.

[crick]

I think Momraine is off this week to amputee camp or something like that, but when she sees this I'm sure she'll have a wealth of info/thoughts for you. She has 2 kids that are missing limbs and I just love her kids' attitude and determination!

I think your thought of "she doesn't know any different" is key. I think people/kids do adapt very well and attitude, encouragement and a "take it by the horns" train of thought really does help.

[Lylac]

I don't have kids with missing limbs, but my daughter has some paralysis in her left side, and can't use her hand at all.

My son has limited use of his left hand as well.

The thing is, with my kids, it's normal to them. They have no idea of what they are missing.

And with this baby that you want to adopt, it probally doesn't know any different either. Kids learn to adpt very quickly.

Sure they don't do things the way that normal people do them. But they do them how it's normal to them.

I hope this makes sense. If you feel in your heart that this is the child for you, then I'd say GO FOR IT!!

I guarantee that both of ya'll will be blessed to have each other. Your attitude about making her do things for herself..is the only way that she will ever learn to do them.

With both of my kids I had to just let them get mad..They wanted me to help..I stepped back..they got even madder. Mad enough to try to do it..and they did it.

Even though it's hard to watch your kids struggle and you have the need to run and help them....sometimes the best help is..no help.

Keep us updated with how things are going and Good Luck!!

[Barksum]

I don't have missing limbs, but I have a chronic health issue that I was dx'd with as a child. Since I grew up with the limits and issues that came with the dx I don't think it has been as difficult for me to 'adjust' and 'live with it' as for someone who has a similar dx later in life.

When I was a child, people were always VERY sympathetic, patting me on the head...poor, poor child. I got a bit spoiled. And at times it was actually a bit of a pain...I wanted to suggest that people just GET OVER IT already! I have this thing, so what.

It is interesting to me that our culture really doesn't recognize as many differences as we think we do. LOL It's ok to function in a different way and on a different level. If you can't do something the way that 88% of the population does, this really isn't the tragedy that people tend to assume it to be. My kids all have brain impairments. They may grow up to do many things in a differnt way than the majority of the population...but chances are no one will notice because their handicapping condition is internal.

We're happy that our kids are 1) alive, 2) relatively healthy, 3) usually happy and outgoing, and 4) part of our family. Why sweat the small stuff?

[pogonorms]

Thanks, guys... I had this feeling that I need to respond to her abilities as something so serious otherwise I would be thought of as not realizing the responsibility of it.

I do recognize the responsibility of care (I think!) I just choose not to have that "poor girl" attidute and thus, might be viewed as not knowing what I'm getting into.

I have learned that we are one of three families being presented during the permanancy meeting on Wednesday. (12 home studies were received.) There's a lot of red tape because of interstate issues - my new caseworker has never met us, they want our home study updated and no one can do it, I am not sure my new case worker can come out and meet us in order to present us on Wed. which could be the end of us.

I have been very communicative with the girl's worker and hopefully, we'll be chosen.

I'll update you!!

[Barksum]

Yes, when we were inquiring about a child with Down Syndrome the cw's seemed to be more uptight about his issues than I was. I mean...we have kids with FAS, which no one understands, so having a kid with identified and VISIBLE issues was like, no biggie. Still, get your info about area services (Early Intervention is what our area has in place for young children.), what kinds of accomodations you anticipate for school...etc. They want to know that you HAVE thought this out and that you understand the long-term issues you will be dealing with.

[momraine]

HI, I think I have met you on another list!
Anyway, yes two of my kids are amputees and I just spent almost two straight weeks with amputees, a convention and then a camp. The kids who are successful all have one thing in common, if they are missing one limb or all four (yes, I know kids missing all four) the thing is they have parents who treat them as normal. I have two of what in the amputee world we call all bits kids, not missing anything, and my daughter sounds a lot like this kid you are looking at. She was born missing a bunch of bones, basically now she is missing her right leg below the knee (no fibula) and her left leg above the knee (no fibula or tibia) and her femur is slightly shortened and deformed on that side, her one tibia is also shortened and slightly deformed, though surgery has helped some. She is also missing some fingers. My son was born without legs completely, at the hip, and one arm is completely gone at the shoulder. They are both seven right now. They carry in groceries, they take themselves out to the car (we do carry my son when it's raining, he uses a power chair away from home, but not in the house) They both clean thier own rooms, put away thier own clothes and help clean the house. My daughter must feed her cat and clean out the litter box. They are treated like everyone else. I know a woman who is built like my son, but raises horses, has for years, when she was a kid her parents insisted she care for her own horses, that's a lot of work, but she did it. She has a custom saddle and her car is now very customized, but she lives alone and takes care of herself. She has a service dog and a wheelchair and is doing great, working and supporting herself with no goverment or parental assistance.
This last week a girl born completely without arms, did my daughters hair with her feet. My daughter's team completed the ropes corse, there were six kids and between them they 17 fingers. When we signed a thing on the last day many kids signed with thier toes. These kids tp'ed each others cabins, stole each others swimsuits off the line, sprayed each other with water, did a high ropes course, rode horses, produced a play and many other things just like normal kids. One of the boys lives in my town and plays football in spite of the fact that he has no arms and his legs are deformed and very, very short and he wears one prosthetic. If you treat this girl like you treat your other girls, she will be fine.

[pogonorms]

Unfortunately, while the private worker seemed to like us, the state worker said no... our home study was not "up to date" since we have a few changes (husband now works FT and other BS changes) (Home study is 10 months old)

I know we would have been great for her, and her for us.

[momraine]

I am so sorry, I have been there. I have one of those hearts that falls in love easily. There were several kids that we tried to get that fell through for one reason or another. One thing I learned looking back, is that this was always for a reason. The first one I fell in love with got me started on the adoption path, if it weren't for him, we would not have our two younger kids. The second one got me researching limb different kids, not sure I would have choosen my daughter or my son when the time came had I not learned so much from my research. With my daughter's adoption I was unexpectly sent to Russia without a refferal and had only a list of nine children with birthdates, gender and one sentance diagnosis. Because of a sweet little boy our there that we were not able to adopt, I had researched limb differences, and so I asked to see those first and met my daughter who is my light and life! Because of her and actually meeting a bunch of other limb different kids, I felt confident six years later when my son came along. However, we were content until we were contacted about a baby, that fell through and broke my heart, but because of it we had the homestudy ready for my son. (another one that fell through had our homestudy updated for international!) We were able to bring him home nine months after learning of him. Now, dh said no to a baby, but has opened his heart to the possibility of medical hosting. So we shall see what is in store for us. Honestly right now our kids are not ready for a new sibling, though I am always ready for another little one and our bank account is not ready either. I still pray for each of the little ones that touched my heart and know that they were part of our path.

[Barksum]

((hugs)) Sorry about the HS; hope you get that fixed ASAP...not sure why that would slow you down as they can write an addendum/update rather quickly...but each agency and cw is different.

Keep on looking and don't get too discouraged.