[DeNaJa]

This sentence sounds familiar, "We didn't plan to adopt special needs either." I had a 2 yr old son and a 2 wk old daughter. I was recovering from my 2nd c-section and my 2nd surgery in under a year (11 months before the birth of my daughter, I had bi-level spinal fusion...yep, I have a metal spine!) We got contacted by a friend of mine. We had never met in person, but had been friends over the computer for about 2 yrs. She had aborted at 18 wks and 5 days and her son would have been a couple wks younger than my son. She had suffered physically and emotionally following her abortion and may not be able to have kids. Anyway, she shared her story publicly and in the audience was a young woman who approached her at the end of the evening. Her 13 yr old sister had been raped by an adult of a different race and their mother was pressuring the young lady to abort. My friend contacted me and I vividly recall praying, "God, I really want to offer to adopt this baby, but my husband is going to think I am insane! Help me!" At that moment, DH walked in and said, "I think we need to offer to adopt that baby." Well, we found out the girl had been taken in for the abortion. (the following details were relayed to me personally by the 13 yr old and her mother who was present at the clinic) She was given an ultrasound to determine gestational age of the baby, told it was 20 wks, but they wouldn't allow her to see the screen. She was not told any of her options, anything about the procedure including the risks, and nothing accurate about fetal development. They told her at 20 wks, her baby wasn't formed yet. When she asked about adoption, they told her "no one will want a bi-racial rapist's baby" and when she still hesitated, they told her she would die if she didn't consent to the abortion. She thought she was going to die having a baby no one would even want, so she gave in. Her mother told me she was "on the table, in the stirrups" and the doctor had started the procedure. They were doing a 2nd trimester D&E (live dismemberment) abortion without dilating the girl with lamineria (sticks of seaweed that are packed into the cervix and absorb moisture to slowly dilate the cervix used for 24-48 hours before the surgery). Instead he was dilating her manually with metal rods, doing in seconds what should take hours...and he was doing it while she was awake. Usually, a patient would be under general anesthesia. This girl was not. She got upset and the doctor stopped and told her mom he wanted her knocked out because "she is making my job too difficult". The abortion was rescheduled so the mother could come up with more money. In the mean time, the girl got accurate information and chose to continue her pregnancy. The clinic had tested her for STDs, but never gave her the results. When the girl started prenatal testing at 23 wks, she was found to have been given chlamydia by her attacker. If left untreated and especially if inserted up into a raw womb, could cause sterility (and blindness in the child)...and the clinic NEVER told her so that she could make an educated decision about the abortion AND get treated for the disease. She might have aborted at 13 the only child she ever would be able to get pregnant with. She was treated by her OB and cured of the STD. She asked my husband and I to parent her daughter and we joyously and humbly agreed. We met prior to the birth, had the same name in mind for the baby!!!, and she graciously invited me to be in the delivery room. What an honor!!! The sigh of relief and tears of joy in that room the morning she was welcomed into the world was overwhelming. The young mother told me that it had all been worth it...that SHE had been worth it. All seemed well health wise, but I realized after a few months she was not hitting milestones. We knew there was a risk due to the history (STD and abortion attempt)...we knew there was a risk with ANY pregnancy and any baby...and we were ready for whatever the LORD granted us. She is in PT, OT and Speech. We have behavior issues...an imature emotional response that is frustrating and confusing. I didn't know I could do what I do everyday. I'm stronger than I realized. I am continually amazed at the man I married. She is a "daddy's girl" and he is wrapped around her finger. When she developed grand mal seizures/epilepsy a yr and a half ago, my husband traveled 2 hours away without even taking time to pack a toothbrush or a change of clothes...with the stomach flu! and stayed with her in the hospital for almost a week. Then did it again a few days later! We rejoice at her improvements. We take her to doctor after doctor and run test after test, but basically, all they can tell us is it isn't genetic and they think she may have been harmed in the abortion attempt. One doctor had the nerve to tell me...THE MOTHER...to my face that "it wasn't that they were performing a 2nd trimester abortion, it was that they didn't complete it." Excuse me? I informed the insensitive butthead, "I'd rather have her delayed than dead."

Would I adopt her again if I would have known she was special needs? YES...YES...YES!!!!!!! I love her! I adopted HER and love her...not her diagnosis or problems or issues or whatever. She is a precious little girl with feelings and dreams and ideas, and she is SILLY! She is precious not for her level of perfection or normalcy, but simply because she is one of God's little image bearers. Her life is valuable because human life is valuable...regardless of conditions. She was created to love and be loved. She loves with all her being and we all love her with all of ours! BTW...I went on to have another baby and they are the best of friends...partners in crime actually! Oh the mischief!!! So, I am busy, but obviously not too busy.

[merryann]

This is my first post at this site, but I have been involved in scrapbook boards for 9 years. Bear with me.

DH and I have been married for almost 17 years. We have 2 bio sons (13,10) that are miracles (endometriosis, hyperemesis, reflux ~ 'nuf said).

I was adopted, and special needs due to a club foot and amniotic banding syndrome (I'm missing some fingers and toes and required Forest Gump-like braces, 9 repair surgeries).

Adopting a child was always my destiny, but it took a little longer for DH to get on board. I'm mainly in it for the little girl God chose not to send me through the conventional methods. I haunted the photolistings for about 5 years but never made a move until last summer when a 3yo girl with the same birth defect I have came to my attention. Heaven and earth moved and now we hope to meet her in January. She is in the Rostov region, so I have a lot of questions for anyone who has BTDT.

Also, momraine, I noticed that your Russian Princess has prosthetics? Ours will need a prosthetic foot (and maybe ankle) as well as braces for the other leg which has the club foot. I would love to chat with you off board about your experience. I am in Montgomery, TX (an hour north of Houston) and would also be interested in knowing what support you have found in Texas. We are from San Diego where DH and I were both involved in the medical community (paramedic and ER nurse), so we are getting our feet wet finding out what is available here (plus, we are in a small town, but at least close to Houston).

I don't want to ramble on with juiceless information, but am happy to answer questions. I have already learned loads from reading this board last night and look forward to 'meeting' you all!

Merryann
2merryann@consolidated.net

[Mamaswheels]

We have been sitting waiting for our home study to be updated so we can start thr looking for just one more. Was finally contacted by our ssw who says it may be done by the end of Jan.The one child in our state that we thought about applying for was placed as of the 21st of Dec. So now we have started looking at other states. See so many we know we could handle but have limited our list to four kids. Two from OK and one from TX and one from GA. The one we think would fit best is from TX and since we have dealt with that state 3 times before we may see what happens to that child first.Everything now waits on the home study and were told that our worker isn't too fond of us wanting another child at our age. But I told her if we can make a difference in a childs life for one day then it is worth all of the paperwork.
Daniel only lived with us one year to the day we buried him. But know we made such a big difference in his life as he did in ours.His loss has effected us so much as he was a part of our hearts the minute we laid eyes on him. And the fact of his lost due to a hospital error has not helps us heal.
We do know the kids we are taking have very medical issues so are greatful for every day that we have them to love.We just hope that what time they are with us that we are making each day better for them.
Our 6 yr old has also been pulled from the school system here. It was not worth the fight to have a teacher denied that she could not follow simple iep orders. And he came home too many times with feeding tubes hanging in the wheels and his neck brace undone.