[camsmom]

I need some advice. My husband and I have a beautiful 6 month old son who is hispanic/Cau. My husband and I are both blond hair light colored eyes. We get some of the strangest comments and questions from total strangers. WHAT DO YOU SAY! when they say , WHERE DID HE GET THAT GREAT TAN AND DARK EYES. As you can tell i am very frustrated and cant believe that people are so ignorant. I was at the store with my son alone, and a woman said to me< WHAT IS DADDY..... please give me any advise . It really makes me sad we love our son more than anything in the world

[promgirl]

How absolutely ignorant and thoughtless people can be!!!! I am a retired flight attendant and 34 years with the public, stuck in an aluminum tube, and I am still amazed at peoples' rudeness. My reaction is usually smart-"*ss", so I would tell them I got this great deal on sunless tanning lotion and thought I'd try it out on my own child! And I am not REALLY a blonde- can I show you my armpit??? I don't really know what to tell you, but that was fun to think about. Maybe you could just ask them WHY DO YOU ASK? Sometimes just answering a question with a question causes them to stumble over themselves. Well, hope I gave you a smile. Good luck and don't let a complete stranger ruin your happy day! Janet D.

[LIR - NFL]

I think so to answer a question with a question. If you smile and say Why do you ask maybe theyll catch on that its none of their business and rude. I think I do have a good answer for you to What is Daddy. A man what was your Daddy? A human being could be an answer to.

[oh well]

Just realize, most people are just curious and do not mean to be hurtful. I would and will someday answer, my child was born in Guatemala and has lived here since then....then they would realize it was an adoption. And your child will not grow up hearing "adoption' all the time...I think it is better to tell the truth kindly, not trying to outwit someone who is probably only curious and trying to be friendly. If you answer with hast and hate, anger, your child will pick up on that, so please answer with love and kindness so your child will be proud of where they were born... oh well.

[Voidra]

I would say, "My baby got his beautiful tan and eyes from God'.

[BrandyHagz]

I'd be honest..."he got it from his birthparents"


I went thru life being "different" than my family.... they are all almost "small person" short.... my a-dad is the tallest (next to me) at 5'5. I am 6'1. Everywhere we went I got comments about being the milkman’s and being switched at birth...the list goes on...

Fact is, he is different...you cant hide it...so just be honest. Make them feel as stupid as they are for asking asinine questions...lol


Another personal comment, my b-daughter who is seven has no problem at all responding to comments about her looks (eye color / nose shape) by saying, "I look like my birthmom, Brandy"

I find every comment a wonderful opportunity to educate people about adoption...

[bellazmama]

Hi there!

We are both White and I'm very light-skinned. Our daughter is both Black and White with gorgeous cappuccino skin and lovely dark eyes. If you haven't read the book I've suggested below, PLEASE DO! It's really for the parents of ANY child that isn't White.

If people are just making an offhand remark, I usually say "Why do you ask?" as it then puts the ball in their court. Hopefully, it makes them realize they've asked a very personal question. If someone asks if her daddy is dark-complected, I just say "No." and move on and leave them wondering. My husband once told someone that we had the new Graco tanning bed at home and didn't it work wonders on our little girl? DUH! If people seem geuninely interested, just come up with a succinct answer that tells them he looks like his birthparents. Of course, I'm not always hip to use that one because I want my child to acknowledge her birth family yet not feel "different" for being adopted. You just have to weigh the situation. Don't worry--you'll get better at it. Answering "God gave it to him" is ALWAYS a GREAT answer, too!

I also have a friend that, when people get just way too nosy, asks them when they had their last period or had sex last or whatever. You get the point.


The MOST important thing is to answer every question as if your child can already understand you because he will be able to soon enough. Use this time in his life as "practice" for later.

Blessings!
Sarah

[spaypets]

In response to "where'd he get that tan?"

"He brought it with him."

Maybe we haven't had our daughter long enough to run into this, but people in my rural, very white state, seem wise to what's going on. They just smile and say she's adorable. She's Indian and is a lovely fudge color --we're very fair skinned. We haven't gotten any questions from strangers. I'm just wondering where all these rude people live?

[rnnurse2be]

Originally posted by bellazmama
I also have a friend that, when people get just way too nosy, asks them when they had their last period or had sex last or whatever. You get the point.
Sarah

Oh Sarah: This was Wayyyyy to funny! To have the guts to look at a stranger and say "When Did you last have Sex" ... Oh my, I think if I actually said it, I would ROFLOL PMP!!!

Yes, some people just dont think before speaking, but I too believe that many of these people simply say the first thing that came to their minds, with out meaning to be hurtful.

I had a friend who had an ABSOLUTLY BEAUTIFUL little girl. I mean Oh my...how gorgeous type of baby. Well my friend is white and married an African American man. So their baby has pretty cappucino colored skin. She had SOO SOOO SOOOO many remarks about Where did she adopt, ect... She would always have to tell people she was her biodaughter, they never would believe her!

Anyways, Im not sure why I told that story, except like Brandy comments get made to all parents. Its how we handle them that will change attitudes, ect. If we know someone might say something, have a prethought up remark. It might help to ease your worry over it.

[bellazmama]

Thanks! She is quite a lot of fun sometimes! And then other times. . . small doses seem best!

You're right. Having preplanned responses really does help.

Sarah

[jordanmychele]

You should tell them that you got a great deal at the tanning salon if you take your son year round, and as far as the what is your daddy comment come back with something stupid like we think they switched the deposits at the sperm bank we are currently in the process of a lawsuit, which as you can see we have already won cause no settlement is better than the love of this little boy.

[nicolebrooks]

Brandy and Oh-well have responses that are genuine in nature.
Perpetuating responses based on the assumption the asker should "know better" is actually defensive and setting up a conflict where one is bound to walk away in shame or perhaps snap back with an equally attacking response. I don't feel this is a good role model for a child to learn and take with them in their future of dealing with advanced communication.


Just a thought .

[eyejustam]

My adopted son was biracial, in the store one day, a woman came up to me and said, "oh he is so beautiful, your husband must be dark skinned", after my mouth dropped opened, I replied, "no he's not, but his dad is", and smiled and walked off. The look on her face was priceless. It is a fun memory. Unfortunately my son died at 9 months of age. He was so special and I miss him so very much.

[BrandyHagz]

Originally posted by nicolebrooks
Brandy and Oh-well have responses that are genuine in nature.
Perpetuating responses based on the assumption the asker should "know better" is actually defensive and setting up a conflict where one is bound to walk away in shame or perhaps snap back with an equally attacking response. I don't feel this is a good role model for a child to learn and take with them in their future of dealing with advanced communication.


Just a thought .

I dont have a "premade" reponse for everyone...as I said in my post... I got a lot of comments....A LOT...and I find every comment an oppritunity to educate people about adoption.

Just once, I'd like to say I'm adopted with out being met with that deer in the headlights look...maybe someday, I will

[Dreamsofgold]

Just smile and say "he's tall, dark and handsome.....(wink)....