[joanne1968]

the pi that is helping us is good, he found married name in a day or so. hes a former adoptee. theres a woman in florida also that has a great rep on finding birth parents. also, i am dealing with cc in chicago, well i was trying to before, and there fee is one hundred for non id. and 375.00 for search with no guarentees. they have done nothing but give me the run around, ive heard some good things about other cc's, if thats the case, thats great more power to you, appreciate the help. BUT,, do you know for a fact that she didnt want contact, or was cc, whom you must sign is in full control, just saying that. makes me wonder. cc runs its own search, not using a pi.but thank you for your concern.

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Just reviewed my last post and I meant to say the CI at CC worked her heart out for me trying to get my bmom to reply to the mail and she either sent it back or just ignored it. It was then assumed by the CI at CC that the bmom wanted no contact and then the Court ordered the case closed. The PI I hired found the names etc in 3 days time. And yes I do know my bmom did not want contact, I spoke to her. Funnily enough she didn't ask how I found her. In any case when I gave her my birthdate, she said she did not want to pursue it. But in the end she spoke to me for about 5 minutes and did identify a family trait and that some had hypertension but other than that she didn't share anything other than to tell me I was the result of "an assault".
She was kindly in her tone of voice, had a little empathy but just couldn't deal with this. Later when I sent her a short note, after the fires raged in CA, just to let her know I was not in a threatened area, the note was returned unopened. She did take the time to put my letter in a new envelope and address it back. So at least I have something that she wrote on and it is clear she does not wish contact so I will just respect her wishes. It is not the ending I had hoped and dreamed of but it is what is.

The post script to the whole journey is that while many searches result in happy reunions many do not and mine was one of those shattered dreams.

[joanne1968]

I think i will be in the same boat. I think our birth mother hiked it back to poland. she had my sister, then me pretty quick. we are in the process of hunting her down, and if she chooses to not talk to us, fine. but she will end up giving me some medical info, hopefully birthfather info too. i have come too far to not get that. that was my original intention, and that i am sticking too. i really do not need a mom. had and still have a great one in my heart, now on the other hand, my sister found me on this site, and that i do need. she is great at being the big sister. i can already tell she protects me. only wish i had her about 35 years ago, but as they say better late than never. God does things in his time for his will. I am sry things didnt go well for you. I know it has to be a big let down. just look at it like shes the one missing out on a great person. and no one no matter what the situation is how they were concieved, is an accident.

[nrhoke]

I am not an adoptee, but a sibling of an adoptee and finding my sister has been a struggle!

We have tried for years, until someone suggested to go strait to the source, which in my case was Catholic Charities of Pennsylvania. So, begins a long drawn out journey.

I contacted a woman that concentrates on searches within Catholic Charities. My heart dropped when she emailed me and told me that she found the file. Since then, it has been a waiting game. There is no information on file stating my sister contacted Catholic Charities, therefore, they will not release any information. Nor can we try to make contact. Basically they said that I can't do anything, BUT they said since there is medical history, they can try to find her for $300. Money, Money, Money!!!

That is why I signed up for this site, hoping and praying that maybe soneone out there can help, or possibly my adopted sister searches this forum. I continue to pray that I may come across her in every adoptee forum I register in.

I am beginning to think that she was never told.

I am up for anyone's opinion or information someone can provide on what I may be able to do.

God Bless,
Nicole

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by nrhoke

I am not an adoptee, but a sibling of an adoptee and finding my sister has been a struggle!

We have tried for years, until someone suggested to go strait to the source, which in my case was Catholic Charities of Pennsylvania. So, begins a long drawn out journey.

I contacted a woman that concentrates on searches within Catholic Charities. My heart dropped when she emailed me and told me that she found the file. Since then, it has been a waiting game. There is no information on file stating my sister contacted Catholic Charities, therefore, they will not release any information. Nor can we try to make contact. Basically they said that I can't do anything, BUT they said since there is medical history, they can try to find her for $300. Money, Money, Money!!!

That is why I signed up for this site, hoping and praying that maybe soneone out there can help, or possibly my adopted sister searches this forum. I continue to pray that I may come across her in every adoptee forum I register in.

I am beginning to think that she was never told.

I am up for anyone's opinion or information someone can provide on what I may be able to do.

God Bless,
Nicole

You have not shared much as to ages..yourself or your sister. So I will assume you are all over 21.
I was placed through CC in KC MO so the state laws may be different in PA. However, in MO, when I, an adoptee, wanted to search, I could get the non id info and the cost then was 50 dollars. That was in 2003. If I wanted a full search it was an additional 200. I don't know what the fees are now. In any event, if my aparents were still alive, even though I am over 21 I would have had to have their written permission but since they are deceased the copy of the death certificate was what was needed. So if PA laws are like MO, that may be one reason your sister has not contacted CC. In my case, CC located my bmom who would not reply to their efforts for contact..not even to say she wanted no contact so the court ordered my case closed. In the end I hired a well known PI and learned names.

I would suggest first that you find out what the laws are in PA for a search. If you want to have CC assign a searcher that would be one way to go and if they locate your sister she will have the option of letting the CC searcher know if she wants contact. If she doesn't she may agree to answer questions using the searcher as a go between. You can ask the searcher for CC to include in her file your letter asking for contact, letting her know you would agree to it. And if there is medical information you feel you need to pass to her you could go that route.

You need to read the threads here and get a feel for how reunions work. Some are wonderful and others are not. Mine was not, my bmother wants nothing to do with me at all and shared very little medical information. YOu need to be prepared for any event, These searches are intense,highly charged and can be very emotional and stressful. REad all you can from birthmothers, adoptees and the siblings. It will be to your advantage.
Good luck....and keep in mind no question is a stupid one and we are all here to help each other sort these issues out.

[Danielle Zecco]

I am shocked at reading all of your experiences with CC. It makes me wonder about what I have received and will be up against in the future. Has anyone had any experiences (good or bad) with WORC MA Catholic Charities???

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Originally Posted by Danielle Zecco

I am shocked at reading all of your experiences with CC. It makes me wonder about what I have received and will be up against in the future. Has anyone had any experiences (good or bad) with WORC MA Catholic Charities???

The non id info I was sent by CC was correct. But of course names were blotted out as were addresses. The rest was correct. The searcher I had was wonderful and she tried her very best. She sent the horse water but the horse ( my bmom) would not drink..meaning she ignored all the efforts by the CI. I have not complaints against CC in my case. They are governed by MO law and if they release anything they are not authorized to by the bioparents the commit a misdemeanor and can face court action. They would like to help us more but they are bound by the state.
Our arguements are with state laws that keep us from our own records. I was talking to someone who is unfamiliar with such things and she was beyond disgusted at the way the laws are and the ways we are treated.
It can be a real uphill effort but if it means enough you will push as long and hard as you can for as long as necessary.
Stay with the forums here and read all the comments by all members of the triad. You will learn a great deal and also be assured we all try to help each other here.
Good luck and keep the faith.

[nrhoke]

Blue Irish Eyes: You have not shared much as to ages..yourself or your sister. So I will assume you are all over 21.
I was placed through CC in KC MO so the state laws may be different in PA. However, in MO, when I, an adoptee, wanted to search, I could get the non id info and the cost then was 50 dollars. That was in 2003. If I wanted a full search it was an additional 200. I don't know what the fees are now. In any event, if my aparents were still alive, even though I am over 21 I would have had to have their written permission but since they are deceased the copy of the death certificate was what was needed. So if PA laws are like MO, that may be one reason your sister has not contacted CC. In my case, CC located my bmom who would not reply to their efforts for contact..not even to say she wanted no contact so the court ordered my case closed. In the end I hired a well known PI and learned names.

I would suggest first that you find out what the laws are in PA for a search. If you want to have CC assign a searcher that would be one way to go and if they locate your sister she will have the option of letting the CC searcher know if she wants contact. If she doesn't she may agree to answer questions using the searcher as a go between. You can ask the searcher for CC to include in her file your letter asking for contact, letting her know you would agree to it. And if there is medical information you feel you need to pass to her you could go that route.

You need to read the threads here and get a feel for how reunions work. Some are wonderful and others are not. Mine was not, my bmother wants nothing to do with me at all and shared very little medical information. YOu need to be prepared for any event, These searches are intense,highly charged and can be very emotional and stressful. REad all you can from birthmothers, adoptees and the siblings. It will be to your advantage.
Good luck....and keep in mind no question is a stupid one and we are all here to help each other sort these issues out.

I am 29 years old, soon to be 30. So that would make my adopted sister 33 years old.

CC did not mention to me the cost for the adoptee to search. I went through a woman at CC that strictly manages searches and reunions. CC has an offive near Harrisburg that only does searches for adoptees and birthparents. The problem with this is, no information can be given unless the adopted has already done a search or inquire on her file. And in this case, she has not done a search. BUT, since family health and medical conditions factor in, the woman got permission from the higher ups to do the search for us. The $300 is the cost to begin the search. When or if she is found, she will be given the medical history and then it is up to her if she wants to reunite. That is how it was all explained to me.I kept all her emails and I will post them so it is better understood what I am saying. My mom does have her signature on file permitting the my adopted sister to contact her.
Thanks for your halp. I have been searching this board inside and out to receive any kind of information I can.

Nicole

[nrhoke]

Here are some back and forth emails from the CC searcher:

Hi! I am xxxx the search caseworker for Catholic Charities. I got your message. I will be in the office on Wednesday so I can double check that we
did your sister's adoption. Unfortunately, in Pennsylvania, only the adoptee can initiate a search. Birth parents and siblings can not. What Catholic
Charities does do for birth parents and siblings is we maintain a computer database of people who have contacted the agency so that if the adoptee does
contact us, then we will know that the other family members want to be contacted and will have their current phone numbers and addresses. This
makes reuniting people really easy and no fees have to be paid either. I would recommend that you do two things once we confirm that we did the
adoption: First, I would have your mom send in a note that will be placed in the file saying that you and she want contact. Then I would give me your
current names and addresses so that I can put you guys into the database. Of course you will need to update us anytime that information changes so that
we can reach you right away. Just so you know, I would not just give your name and address out to your sister without contacting you guys first. Even
though she is a biological relative she is still a complete stranger and is important to be as cautious as you would be with any stranger.

I am sorry that this is probably depressing news and not what you were hoping to hear. It is so sad that this is the law, because so many adoptees
take the stand that they will let the birth parent contact them.

WE did what she asked and updated the file.

I do see the adoption of your sister in our index of adoptions. I will be going to the building where
the files are kept today so I will pull it and look at it to see if any contact has been made. You had mentioned that there were medical reasons for wanting to search. Are the conditions things that have a strong heredity
component to them? In the past, we have contacted adoptive parents to share a significant piece of medical information, but it has to be something like
cancer at a very young age, or a condition that it is very important that your sister know if she is planning on having children. We have past information like that before. If that is the case, I can always let the
"powers that be" know that.
I will let you know if I find anything in the file.

Medical history was sent by me and my mom.

That seems like a lot of history to me. I have printed out your letter and will talk to my director about your case. He will likely want to throw
it by the agency attorney as well, so I am not making any promise. I only see my director about one a week or so, but I will discuss this with him as
soon as I do.

Yes, I did. I found the file, but there is no mention of contact ever having been made. I will check the computer as soon as I get off of e-mail.
I will let you know if the computer "sees" something.

I checked the computer. There is not an entry. I have put you guys in it based on the info you have given so far. I will add whatever information your mom(and you) provide in the letter you are sending in.

The letter was sent by my mom.

For the letter....and it doesn't have to be in the form of a letter.....just write, I __________, give my consent to Catholic Charities to contact me if my daughter/sister ever contacts the agency seeking
information about her biological family.
We can be reached at: Then put your mom's name address and phone and then your info too. You may even want to list alternative ways to reach you
in case you ever move and forget to tell us. Then just sign it.

We do have a search fee of $300, so if I can convince
the powers that be to do a search, there will still be that fee, but if you guys had been checking out private investigators, I know they would have
been quoted you a heck of a lot more than that.

I hope we get to work together to find your sister.

Great News! I just got word from the new director that I can do a search for your sister if you guys still want me to. I will mail you the paperwork for your mom to fill out and then you can mail them back with a check to Catholic Charities.

Ok that is all the emails I received from her since the end of November when she told us about paying the $300. So, opinions are welcomed.

Thanks a ton!
Nicole

[joanne1968]

do you have any names? I just wonder why the lady that emailed you said she could search, of course they can, I cant figure why she made that a big deal, like she was doing you some favor. but as the same as other cc, they will not give you any info unless they, the other party releases it. do they have a waiting list? you may want to ask that, the one in chicago is up to a year just to begin .Im not so sure you cant find a pi( check around for one that is an adoptee), and that may be a way for you. some yes are costly and some i have heard are not. you are prb at a brick wall with them right now till you cough up the money. I personally am a cc skeptic, and have very good reason. My adopted dad tried to help me and they gave him the run around, and I do have medical issues. So im not a beliver, but your cc may be different. I hope so for your sake. good luck, let us know if we can be of any help,

[nrhoke]

joanne1968: do you have any names?
do they have a waiting list?

From what I gather through the emails, the names of the adopted parents are on the file. So, I guess that is the route they were going to take for the search.
As for a waiting list, none was mentioned. She said as soon as we get the money around, they will start the search.
Now, my mom, sisters, brother and I are willing to get money around, but we keep asking ourselves questions. Like, are we sure we can trust them, can they really find her, and what if we pay and never hear back?!
This is why I am trying all the adoption forums first. And everyone I go too, has the same outlook on Catholic Charites...no one seems to have a good story about them. So, that is where I am at.

Any help is appreciated, because I have no idea what else to do. I keep praying she is looking for us as well!
Thank you for you good wishes!

I have red so many happy stories here, and I hope one day I will have one.

God Bless
Nicole

[Blue Irish Eyes]

I don't understand why you have had no reply since NOV! If you have a phone no, call your searcher. Something may have happened..illness etc. I understand how frustrating this is. When I had CC do my search I had to make the contact effort to keep up with it. They have more than one case. It isn't that they mean to ignore you. So go ahead and send an email and if you don't get a fairly prompt reply make a call. Your searcher is telling you the same things I was told or have read...the adoptee has to make the effort for a search. However bfamily members can contact the agency as you have done and place letters in the file. ( In my case no one in my bfamily put anything in the files in any way at all.)
As to having the CC do your search for 300.00, I say do it. MO charged 200.00 and last year I was told the cost went up so that fee doesn't sound unreasonable. Adoptees have to pay the search fee too. It covers the costs of mail and calls etc.


When my biomother would not respond even to say she wanted no contact, I hired a great PI. ( always make sure there is a no find no fee policy). The PI I used is a reunited birthmother herself so she understands how important this is to you. I filled out a form she had on line and in less than 24 hours I had reply that my search could be done. If it can't she will tell you. She could not find my bfather. Her fee is high, she did my search in 2003 and her quote was nearly 3000.00. But it was worth it. I had been trying on my own and paying for searches can get expensive too. But I would consider that only if the CC searcher meets with no results. Keep us posted.

[joanne1968]

I agree, i would call the case worker or email her again. that has been real long. I am sry im real sceptical of cc, but you have to do what you think is right in your situation.I didnt like the fact that they call all the shots, and then let you know what is said by the other party. You read on these boards the ones who were told one thing and then it not be true. But you may have to go that route and use them. good luck , let us know.

[nrhoke]

Thank you for your response. You have both encouraged me to email the case worker at CC that I have been working with. I emailed her last night, but I did not here word today. I will be sure to keep you up to date, if or when I get a response.

I do not have a contact phone number, just an email. I actually found out about her through someone else. She has not replied since Nov, because I emailed her last and told her that I was working on coming up with the money. I talked to my two sisters and brother and we all decided to split the cost. BUT we had questions for CC before they did the search. We just want to make sure it is all legit. Considering all the bad reports I have been hearing about CC, they wanted me to try to do a bit more research. WE would like to be involved in the search and not just hand over the money and let CC take charge.

Also, I talked to my mom today and she is going to try again with her the doctor's office and hospital to see if she can get any information out of them. I know that would be a tremendous help for trying to search independantly.

Again, Thank you for all the good wishes and I will keep you all up on things.

Meanwhile, if anyone comes accross someone that fits the description of my adopted sister, please PM me.

I wish I could help each and everyone here in there searches, but I will do what I know I can do best and that is say a prayer that everyone will be reunited and answers will bring peace.

God Bless!
Nicole

[joanne1968]

did you ever put some info about your sister on here? i must have missed it. name? age?dob? sry. might have overlooked it. keep on it girl. wish u good luck.