[robandjulie]

Our son will be home one year on Sept 20. We've been doing pretty well but lately he's been incredibly whiney--far more than DD ever ever was--and demanding and controlling and driving us up a wall. Much of it is based on too many guests, summer events, late nights, etc. lately and a strong case of the 2.5's but to be frank, while we care for him deeply and want the best for him and he seems very well bonded to us most of the time, we're still working on feeling fully attached to him and this is making it harder.

Anyhow, a few nights ago I was really struggling and feeling like a terrible mother and came to the forum. I found a few older posts about adoptive parents in their 8th or more month of parenting still trying to "fake it till you make it" and wondering if they would ever get there and so many reassurances that they would and I was much relieved. That night I felt compelled for the first time in years to say a rosary as a meditative way to think and pray.

I landed on the joyful mysteries and found them incredibly helpful as a parenting prayer. I thought I'd share my thoughts.

#1 The annunciation: the angel Gabriel appears to Mary. I found myself thinking of how Mary surely had not planned or dreamed to have this child at this time in this way and probably had days when she wondered what she was thinking just like any mom. How she may have struggled with feeling adequate to meet his needs, how she may have struggled to feel like it was truly her role to parent this child. How she may have been angry at God for not giving her a smoother and more traditional path to parenthood and afraid that she would mess it up and be judged unworthy of this task. Parenting is always scary and hard.

#2: The visitation: Mary visits Elizabeth This had me thinking about all the people who help us be the parents we need/want to be. The family who believe in us and support us and encourage us.

#3: Nativity:the birth of Jesus Back to thoughts like #1. Surely this was not what Mary would have dreamed of for her first born child. Nothing in this process was going as one might have hoped or dreamed or planned as a young girl picturing her first child with her husband. But she was his mother and would have to roll with it. She had no control in how it came about (the census screwing things up, giving birth away from her home and family and in a stable, etc) and may have struggled with thoughts that it was God's/Jesus's "fault" that her life was so unusual and difficult. But the joys and treasures that followed surely balanced out the frustration, confusion, and fears.

#4 Presentation to the temple Thinking of the other support we have: church, school, work friends, etc. How important those institutions are in our lives and in how we raise our children.

#5: Finding Jesus in the temple I thought of how afraid Mary and Joseph must have been, how worried. And then how surprised at his ability and intellect. I thought of how little we know or can project about our son's future strengths, weaknesses, passions, etc and how wonderful and scary it will be to journey to discovering those. And how again we have so little control but that's ok and we can roll with it.

I know those aren't based on scriptural studies and are a lot of projections, but I use the rosary to pray and meditate and it brought me such peace that the next day I was a revived mother; more patient and calm and ready to face the task of parenting both my children.

I never post on this group (mostly general or Guatemalan) but do read it and wanted to share it here.

[OnTheJourney]

That is a lovely meditation! Thank You for sharing your thoughts.

The joyful mysteries always help me to reflect on my adoption journey as well. I often pray to Mother Mary, St. Anne (Mary's mother) and to St. Joseph in times of trail due to adoption matters. Mother Mary will help you if you ask her through prayer. I hope you continue to find peace.