[kelceesmom]

Unfortunately we were not allowed to baptize until after finalization. My feeling on this was that I wasn't happy about it but, my baby would be welcomed into God's kingdom no matter what. She is an innocent baby.

Congratulations.

[joskids]

and it is just that kind of thinking that turns many Catholics away. You are so right that this child belongs to God and God would want him/her baptized as soon as possible. I love my Catholic religion but not the stoic, man-made rules that make no sense at all - - which is why we are so lucky to belong to a very non-traditional, black, Catholic church where the priests make sense to me and women are respected.

[marykath]

For our first adoption, our church Baptised long before finalization - no problem!
For our second - new priest - they said we must have a birth certificate. She has been with us for more than two years now, the adoption is final, and we still don't have the birth certificate from the state - so no Baptism. UGH!
And as for godparents, ours had to submit some kind of letter/ form from their parish.
Congrats on your new child!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by veggiegirl

We are planning to adopt a newborn baby girl - due any day now! I asked our lawyer early on if we could have the baby baptized before finalization. He said legally, yes, but some churches don't like to baptize before finalization. I asked our deacon (also failry early on) this question and he never got back to me. Maybe he was just not wanting me to count my chichens before they hatched??? So, that's question #1 - did any of you baptize your child before finalization occured?

Next situation involved the Godparents. This is where it gets really interesting! We want my sister and her partner (they're gay) to be the Godparents. They've been married for 8 years and go to church every week and are extremely active in their church. However, they are both Catholic, but attend a Lutheran church because they feel accepted there but not in a Catholic church. DH and I do not care whatsoever that they go to a different church. The fundamental values are the same and we feel that what's important is faith, kindness to all, and regular worship - regardless of the denomination (i.e. if we die and they raise our daughter, we have no qualms about her going to a Lutheran church so long as she goes often and is actively involved). Of course, we don't care that they are gay either. Is our church going to ask for PROOF that they are members of a Catholic church? And will it be an issue that the Godparents are 2 women and not one of each gender? I have been so worried about this since we found out about this baby! There really is no one else in the world that we would want to ask to be our daughter's Godparents. No one in either of our families goes to church regularly. Of our friends, a few of the women are Catholic, but either the men aren't or they're not someone we'd consider. Like I said, my sisters (I consider them both my sisters) are our only choice. Any advice??? TIA!

For your first question, both of my daughters were baptized prior to finalization. I don't think there is any hard/fast rule and it seems like each parish kind of makes things up as they go along.

For your second question, for my parish, if you choose a Godparent from outside the parish, they want a letter from the Catholic church they attend stating they are an active member in good standing. I wanted my brother (who is Catholic but wasn't married in the church) to be Godfather. Because he wasn't married in the church, he wasn't approved since he isn't considered to be in "good standing". My second brother is single and attends Mass on occasion but is not a member of a Catholic church-so he was not approved, either.

You can have one non-Catholic godparent as long as the person is an active Christian and belongs to a church. You can also have two sets of Godparents. Maybe you can have your sister & her partner as one set and then a Catholic couple as the second set of witnesses.

If I get to adopt "Brandon", his Godparents will be a christian friend and her husband (who are Baptist). But the baby will also have a second set of Godparents (another two Catholic friends) who will also be witnesses.

[One_Happy_Momma]

Our Catholic Faith believes in only ONE baptism, so when a priest refuses to baptize a child is probably because he wants to be absolutely sure that the child is going to be raised in the Catholic Faith.

As far as Godparents go, being gay would be okay, as long as they are not practicing gay, we all know well that practicing gays are not fully participants of the Church, to not tell the priest that the Godparents are gay, not baptized, don't practice the Faith, are of another religion, etc.., is to make a mockery out of the child's baptism, if one is not willing to practice the Faith fully, why have a charade baptism?

[KansasMomToBe]

We had our ds baptized after finalization. Our priest would have done it sooner, but the agency said that we should wait until after finalization. We did have one practicing catholic as Godmother (her parish was contacted to confirm that) and one non-catholic is the Godfather.

The role of a Godparent is to help the parents in the religious formation of the child. The role of Godparent is not declaration of guardianship if the parents pass away. If what you are concerned about is guardianship you should contact an attorney to create a legal Will.

[JLW99]

We are having our DD baptized this Sunday. Finalization in our state takes at least 6 months, and we aren't willing to wait that long. The priest said there was no issue with it being done, as irrevocable TPRs have been signed. We didn't consult the agency, as we looked at this as an issue between us and our priest.

[CRB2001]

Good luck! I'm Lutheran; DH Catholic. We have opted to raise the kids Catholic. DH's Priest insisted that the adoption be finalized (needed to see decree) before. Other friends have told me that they have just proceeded and never mentioned the adoption. Priest never questioned. Letter of good standing from our Godparents were required.

[elledarcy]

My daughter was born in March and baptized in May (she has yet to be finalized). She also had two godmothers.

Depending on what state you live in and if you are past the phase where birthparents can revoke consent, I'd say you're pretty safe to assume that this child will be a permanent part of your family even if this is not "legally" so.

I would echo what others here have said -- the rules are different for every parish. Talk to your priest. If he has a problem with the child being baptized without a birth certificate, then I would persist and explain the situation to him. I wouldn’t wait until after finalization because there really is no reason for this if you don’t want to.

Our DD didn't “officially” have two godmothers. The rule was that we could have 1 godparent or 2 opposite sex godparents. One godmother was "official," the other just stood up with us at the altar and functioned as a "sponsor." We referred to both of them as godmothers and this is what we will always consider them both (even if it's not what's on the baptismal certificate).

The godparents in our parish have to produce written proof from their church that they are actively Catholic. Again, this varies from parish to parish. If you explain to your priest, he may be willing to fudge the rules.

I am also not a "church-shopper" type person, but if your priest really takes issue with any of your concerns, perhaps you should look to another church community that is more empathetic to your situation and values (they are definitely out there!). After all, you want your child to be raised in a faith-atmosphere of welcoming and warmth, not a place where he or she is subject to harsh and unfair legalism.