[OnTheJourney]

Hello Everyone,

I know there have been many threads on Baptism and others have had some difficulty, sorry to start a brand new one, but I have read the others and I need to vent a bit.

My little man will be 7 weeks on Friday and I being raised in a small town as a strong Catholic where babies were baptised often within a month, really want my son baptised ASAP.
Background:
I now live in a different small town, but we do not have a church. We go to mass regularly in the city 15 mins away. This past spring, my DH and I switched parishes in prep for our 'family' (we had no idea at the time it would be so soon). Our church was primarily older people and not very active in the youth, so we started going to another parish with a wonderful Priest and very active congregation.
Fast Forward:
I have been calling the church since DS was 1 week old to get the prep started. Someone finally talked to me at about 2 weeks. I told her my story, as above and about adoption. She said she had to talk to the Priest and get back to me. At the time, she said it wouldn't be until Jan or Feb (big parish) and you can't book until you've completed all the prep, which was a bit of a shock and a little upsetting he'd be a bit older, but I still need to have DS baptised. That was 5 weeks ago; I've left many messages and have heard nothing.
I just called today, and the lady I talked to before was not in but I did get to talk to someone. She said she would pass along the message. She also told me the last prep class was 2 weeks ago and the next isn't till Jan! Aaughhhhh! Most people take the class before they give birth and have everthing booked nice and early. Ours was an istant placement, we couldn't do that. And now it just feels that this lady doesn't want to deal with me or our 'situation'. Because it is such a large parish I haven't talked to the Priest yet, but I may call him Friday if I haven't heard back from the evasive lady.

Why does everything have to have the added difficulty because of others ignorance? We have went though this once, trying to get a health nurse out for the regular visit. No one knew what to do, no one would help me and they actually told me to call the post partem depression help line when I got frustrated!
I am a Mom. God has blessed our family with this precious little boy. I love my son. I want what is best for him and we deserve to be treated like every other family. Not swept aside because someone is not informed of "the special protocall".

I have been very level headed and accepting and positive throughout our journey. I pray alot and thank God for this wonderful blessing. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

Michelle

[Lovebug]

Aww Michelle! {{{Hugs}}} I appreciate your frustration! We weren't allowed to baptize our son until his adoption was finalized. He was 8 mos the day he was baptized and it was so hard for me to wait that long. We even called our diocese office and they said that is the rule here.

Good luck and I hope you can speak to someone else who can help!

--Renee

[HOPEFULINPA]

I'm sorry your parish is giving you such a hard time. I would DEFINATLEY go directly to the priest.

Our parish has the prep classes once every other month. The priest told me if I needed it earlier privatley it would be rearranged.

We have had our son since he was 7 months old as a foster child. We just finalized his adoption 10/5 and he will be 21 months old when he is finally baptised.

We are having him baptised in another STATE where our families are. Still waiting for permission from that dioceses. Let me know how it works out for you.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[redbonec]

IT does seem like a lot to get through to get our children baptized, doesn't it? We cannot baptize our daughter until finalization. I forgot about preparation classes--guess I'd better check into that.
There should be no reason, though, that it has taken so many phone calls to get your questions answered. HOpe you find out some things soon.

[StorkWatcher]

It is sad that each diocese ( and sometimes each parish) varies so much on these things!

Our "prep" was a one hour meeting with our Parish Life Coordinator and 2 booklets she gave us. (Of course, I've been a religous ed teacher there in our parish and regular attendee and RCIA sponsor, so she knew us beforehand and how we planned to raise the child. Maybe it would have been longer for someone else.) We baptized him when he was 2 months old (had to work around family schedules and Advent), and we had not finalized yet.

I would advise you to talk to your priest right away and explain the situation and your urgent desire to have your son baptized as soon as possible. If he is not open to helping you out, would it be feasible for you to go back to your previous church for the baptism?

My sister wasn't able to have her oldest daughter baptized in their church, but we have a friend of the family who is a priest, and we celebrated a very special baptism with him in his church in another city.

[kelceesmom]

We know how you feel. We too couldn't baptise our baby until our adoption was final and we have had our baby since she was 6 hours old. She was 13 months at the time of our baptism. I had to remember that know matter how I was feeling about it God had already accepted her into his kingdom and no matter what would happen if it did she was already safe and guarded by God. Not what we want to hear but it is the truth. They are innocent and God will always take care of the babies no matter what.

[AllyRae]

That seems very off to me--I know that every Catholic church I've been a member of wanted babies baptized as soon as possible (my bio son had to be baptized within a month of his birth for the church that we wanted to have him baptized in). I thought it was a Catholic tenant that you couldn't deny a baptism and that it shouldn't be prolonged? I would recommend calling other parishes--you shouldn't be getting this much trouble thrown at you!

[loveajax]

We had our DD baptized at 11 weeks...The priest knew she was adopted, and did not ask to see a birth certificate. I am frankly irked at parishes that will not baptize a child until finalization. Parishes should be doing everything it can to "promote" adoption and by treating these kids differently, they just aren't.....I hope you are able to accomplish this sooner rather than later...hang in there!!

[dlhall]

Can you go to another parish for the baptism class (within the same diocese)? My friend runs the baptism classes for our church, and she says that they always have people from other parishes coming to her classes since the time is more convenient. Good luck.

Liz

[HBV]

We just did a presentation on this for our local CC's adoption support group. Although we sort of skated over this ourselves because we just called our priest, the diocesan policy where we are is that you are supposed to wait for finalization. The reason is that the baptismal certificate will be based on the birth certificate. In most cases, the original birth certificate will not have the same name as the amended one that you receive after finalization. If you have it done earlier, the baptismal certificate must be amended when the birth certificate is.

However, we took a little poll at the group where we spoke, and about 75% of the adoptive families had been able to clear it w/ their parish priest and get the baptism done before finalization. I think it's not uncommon to get a "party line" answer from a church secretary and a different, perhaps more compassionate, answer from the priest. I agree w/ the others that you should go directly to the priest, find out what prep is required and see if you can do it privately.

[OnTheJourney]

So update...
I finally talked to the lady coordinating baptisms. There was a miscommunication and transposed numbers. She was very apologetic when I finally got ahold of her again.
So she had spoken to our Priest in quite length and the conclusion: We cannot baptise our boy until the adoption is finalized. We can do all the prep now and then book when finalization is done.
So for now he is blessed every week at church and each night before bed I give him a blessing. Like many things on this journey, patience and the ability to release those things that you do not have the power to change and accept them, have played a part again.
I really want to have my boy baptised at this church for several reasons, but even at my old church they would have to wait; it sounds like it is a diocese rule here. If I really pushed the issue, I'm sure there would be somewhere outside our city willing to do it, but that's not what we want.
Our Preist is such a wonderful man and the little childern adore him. It starts right at their baptism. You have the choice to go back to the roots of our faith and have your child baptised by dipping them into the baptismal pool. It is a beautiful service, it's all about the childern. It takes place during the mass, but is not rushed, it is about half an hour long.

Anyway peace and prayers for all and thanks again for letting me vent when I needed it.

Michelle

[OnTheJourney]

I was just reading back to try to draw on everyone positive encouraging comments from the original post as now things seem to be trying again. Thanks all for the past support.

We have now had our prep course and are able to tentitvly book based on final approval. Our agency said we could very well have the final papers before Lent. I was so excited as our church has just one opening left before Lent (mid February), the next possibility would be end of April, the next after that end of May!
So last night I was tell the inlaws that, and it just so happens that they have previous commitments (vacation and convention) that cannot be changed for BOTH of the first dates. I really want to include them, and they would be devastated if we did not, but I really do not want to wait until the end of May! I don't really know if I have a choice here, just when things were about to go smoothly...

Please say a little prayer to help remind me to put it in God's hands and let it go. I know that God has welcomed my son into his loving care and if an emergency came up, the Priest would baptize DS sooner. It is just hard when the roadblocks seem to have gone and family becomes a roadblock.

Michelle

[kelceesmom]

Isn't that just par for the course! If it's not one thing it's another. Sorry for the situation. You will know what to do when the time comes. Good luck.

[KansasMomToBe]

Wow, I didn't realize that it could be such a hassle to get a baptisim.

Our baby is due on March 1. I talked to the priest yesterday after mass and he was very supportive. His first question was when will he get to baptise him. Our priest married my DH and I, and he did my RCIA last year, so he is looking forward to being part of the next step with our family.

He didn't say anything about waiting until finalization. But, if that is the case it is okay because in KS finalization only takes about 30 days.

Good luck everyone!!!

[March]

Hi,

I found out every parish is different. Initially, our priest said we had to wait until finalization before we could baptize our baby girl. I talked to him directly again and said that parental rights were terminated when she was 2 months old and finalization most likely would take awhile and she would be a year or so.

He finally agreed and she was baptized at age 7 months. He also told me not to worry about her age because God protects the baby who is adopted and has to wait to have their baptism. We did not have to attend any classes because she is our 4th child.

We are finally (she is almost 11 months) having our finalization hearing in Feb.

Talk to the priest directly and keep attending church with the baby! It will happen!

God Bless,
March
I am adopted
3 beautiful biological sons
1 fantastic daughter (almost 11 mo.
finalization hearing 2-20-07