[MaryannsMiracle]

I hope I am posting in the correct category. I am a long time lurker (even before joining). I am an adoptee adopted in 1955 in MA. Up until I was 47yrs old I never really desired to search for my bfamily, however a medical problem came up and I was in dire need of any medical history I could obtain. At that point all I had in my posession was a card from the church stating the name (my aname) and date of my Baptism. I have always been a devout Catholic and loved and embraced my faith and the church and was very supportive of the church during the sex scandal and when the churches were faced with being closed here in MA. When I began serching the first thing I did was contact the church named on the card and requested my original Baptism certificate. I recieved it and was elated that I now had my Bmom's name as time was of the esence in needing this possible life saving information. I hired a PI and had various kind hearted search angels seek to find the woman named on the certificate, all turning up dead ends. No such person ever existed. In the meanwhile I requested and recieved my non id which took some time, but I was in no rush for that being that I did have a name and the church was local enough that I doubted there would be such dead ends. As soon as I recieved my non id it was obvious that my birth mom was my amom's younger sister. This aunt was very active in this particular church as was her family. Preits would go to her home for dinner, her husband and daughter did tons of volunteer work there as well as financial support. Needless to say she was no stranger to them ever. She was 27 yrs old and single when I was born so clearly was far from a frightened young teenager. My question is , why would the church, knowing very well who she was, allow her write suc an off the wall fictious name totally lying? I might ad that she was equally as involved in this church even back then , years before I was born? Is this a common practice of the Catholic church back then? I know Catholic maternity homes would give the girls false names, but this is toytally different. this is church records and part of who I am. I feel so violated and lied to and find it very hard to believe anything the Catholic church has to say. I mean I feel like for a few dollars they allowed bmom to blatantly and deliberately lie and falsify who she was, know quite well her true identity. I am so angry at myself too for supporting a church that lies. I never thought a church I had so much love for would allow this to happen. I am not mad at God because this was clearly the work of evil people. It makes me feel like I could go into the Catholic church and lie on a marraige application or anything for that matter. In all honesty and because I am not a liar I will even confess and say that when I saw a post about a Catholic church burning down I got a bit of satisfaction. i do not like how I am feeling and I do not know what is will take for these feelings to go away. This was life saving information at hand and if it wasn't for a kind hearted social worker that provided my non id and a personal phone call to me revealing who my bmom was(in not so many words) I might be dead now. Is it wrong to feel so duped and disappointed, I think not. I have even had lawyers suggest I should look into some type of renumeration, but even that I don't think will make it OK I am sick to my stomach at the though of even walking into a catholic church ever again. How can I ever believe them? Please feel free to PM me if you have anything you don't want to post or would like more elaboration. How can they lie like this? I am starting to woder what else they lied about and sadly I am starting to think of them as a cult and I really hate thinking this. This is worse than a cheating spouse, it is the ultimate in deception and my faith has been raped by the Catholic church How sad!!

Thanks and God Bless (A God that don't lie)

Maryann

[Isabo]

(((((Maryann))))),

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Unfortunately, you are not alone. The Church, whether it be Catholic, Prodestant or other, was and is heavily involved in adoption. Unfortunately, during the time of the baby snatch era, when you were relinquished and adopted, the church played a large role in the deceptions that took place. How they have justified their deceptive and fraudulent actions in the name of God is beyond me, but somehow they did. I relinquished my son to a church run agency, and they lied to me and manipulated me. I never questioned what they told me or the things they did because they were THE CHURCH. I have since confronted the agency, and they have admitted much of what happened. However, it doesn't get me my son back (as an infant) does it? I too have thought about bringing a class action suit - there are so many young mothers who were tricked and lied to. However, it isn't about the money for me, it is about the fact that I lost my child - my only child - to their manipulations. Nothing can fix that. I don't think you care about the money either. It seems to me that your are so angry because your church let you down so badly.

As a result of the church actions which led to the loss of my son and of so many children during the baby snatch era AND as a result of the current belief set forth by so many which I find both ridiculous, completely hurtful and complete fantasy (first mother as disposable vessel and God using the vessel to make other people parents), I have shied away from organized religion.

With all this being said, I am wondering if you are placing your anger appropriately. YES, you have every right to be angry at the church. But let's face it, your adoptive parents and your adoptive aunt, who is in fact your first mother, are the people who held this life saving information in their hands and chose to withhold it from you rather than reveal their secret. They are the people you need to be angry with. Your adoptive parents had the information all along! How could they not reveal it to you? Why were you raised in such a veil of secrecy, that you did not know that your aunt was also your mother, and that your mother was also your aunt?

I understand being angry at the church. It is easier than being angry with the real and clearly fallible human beings who withheld this information from you. They failed you. I am SO SORRY that they did not step up and do the right thing. You must be truly devestated by this. Have you let any of them know that you know the truth? What was their response?

((((((((Hugs))))))))

[MaryannsMiracle]

For your kind response and ((HUGS)) Back to you. As far as my aparents, my amom once asked me when I was 19yrs old if I want to know who my Bmom was and I said no. I wasn't interested in knowing back then and I think part of me feared disappointing her if my response was yes. By the time I truly needed to know my bmom was dead and my amom had full blown alzhimers and my adad being frail and elderly and naturally upset was not told of my illness, so I really can't say he was holding out information. I am sure if he knew how crucial it was he would have told me. We all, (the searchers and PI) figured we had a name so it would be an easy search. Truth be told, my bmom was always my favorite aunt and she would say stuff to me like "I couldn't love you more than if you came from my own body" I guess she had herself believing the lie as well. I also can say that all my life I knew that somehow people could let you down,and that caused me to hang on to my faith, then when I came to realize that the church was part of this unspeakable scam, my faith was shattered, raped and violated. I still believe in God, but the Catholic church will have to be the one to face judgement one day for all the hurt they deliberately and selfishly cause to bithmothers and adoptees. They are money making baby selling scammers who don't care who they hurt in the name of God. To me they are worse than neighborhood crack and heroin dealers, at least the drug dealers are what they are and not claiming to be doing things in the name of God. As far as my family, I can forgive them too cause I understand why they may have not told me. They may have been afraid of me being confused and they also wanted to keep my bmoms good name in tact. You know how things were back then, but the church is the one that allowed her to lie, even if it was her idea they know better and she was 27yrs old. All her life she ewas strong willed as far as i can remember so I really believe there was little or no coersion for her to give me up. this is something she wanted to do and my older cousin even told me that. My grandfather had already disowned one daughter for falling pregnant before she married her husband so she didn't want that to happen to her. I am sure bmoms husband who is not my bdad never knew about me and that is another reason this secret was kept so tight. Old time Italians had strange beliefs and her husband would have left her if he knew or would have never even married her for that matter.. No money could never replace what was taken away or make things right. Even with those sexually abused by Catholic priests who are damaged forever til death, money will never make it right or OK. the only thing is money seems to be the only thing to get to the Catholic church. I wish there was a way to make a class action suit with bmoms and adoptees who were deeply hurt by their lies or an online petition or something that will raise awareness to their deceptions. Again I am sorry you too were lied to. One thing I despise is being a victim and I feel so like a victim now. I just wish there was a way to become empowered by all this.
Happy Mothers Day