[ChinaMamaWannaBe]

kelceesmom -

Thanks for the encouragement. I am remaining prayerful about the situation during this time of waiting. I trust God for the wisdom to know if/when to go through with an adoption.

straightblues -

Thanks for your opinion, however, I must say I respectfully disagree with you. Not about the sacrament of marriage and God's design for of the ideal family - but about everything else you said.

Also, what I have learned regarding this situation is that priests can only give their 'opinion' about what they think of single adoption because there is no Church teaching against it. And opinions vary depending on whom you are speaking with. I am not against discussing it with my priests, but I just thought I would express this to you.

And, I don't think you are making a valid point by saying that I should take a chance on a teenager who is stuck in the system rather than adopting a child who is practically a clean slate because they are an infant or toddler. It is like you are saying it's okay to risk the well-being of an already screwed-up human being instead of one that stands a chance of not being warped - or something like that. I know you don't mean it that harshly, but that is basically what you are saying. It is not rational (to me) to say that singles are only good for married people's leftovers or rejects. All children are precious and must be protected no matter what age or what situation they are in. If a single shouldn't adopt a baby, then they shouldn't adopt a teenager. You cannot have it both ways in my opinion.

Please understand, I am not criticizing you. I am glad you chimed in. I just adamently disagree with your point of view.

[straightblues]

Sorry I didn't say what you wanted to hear but there are plenty of people that will support your opinion so do whatever you want. It sounds like you will anyway. I think you haven't wanted to talk to your priest becuase you aren't open to any opinion that will not support your own and you are afraid your priest won't. Go ahead and justify it any way you have to.

Just please remember, the role of a father is an important one. Find a way to fill it for the sake of your child so they aren't damaged. Once you have a child, you will fully understand the need for second parent of the male persuasion. If you really believe this, call your own father and tell him that your relationship was completely worthless.

BTW, just for the record I didn't say anything about a teen being troubled I just said they have a harder time finding a two parent household which is the ideal situation. Therefore a teen might be a better match for you.

[3Katz]

Hi there,
I think it's wonderful that you are thinking of adopting a child. I too wanted a little girl from China. That didn't pan out, but we are now persuing an older child from a nearby state. As for the notion that children should be adopted only by two parents, Does that mean that all the children who desperately need love should wait for the chance that they will be adopted by 2 parents? IMHO, There are way too many children who live in institutions and are wards of the state. The sooner they are adopted to loving parents single or not, the better the world is. Go for it!

[AngelQT]

I know whatever your choices are, they are YOURS. Don't let anyone decide for you. I am a single, 38 and adopting form Guatemala. I have 2 cousins, 1 single, 42 years old, and is coming home Friday with the 2nd Daughter from China. My other Cousin, had twin Boys by birth, then adopted 2 Girls the same age form China. She and her husband now have 2 sets of twins. So you see... It isn't your belief's that should be considered here.... It is your Heart! You will be a wonderful mother no matter what. For someone to even think of adoption is a Good Person in my book!!

Best of Luck

[Oregon]

I joined this forum in order to object to comments made by "straightblues" on July 7, 2006.

It is clear that straightblues hasn't extensively researched international adoption, nor considered some of the realities for children in other countries and the possibilities available to a single person.

Since straigtblues seeks truth, perhaps it might be useful to begin by taking a look at an article entitled: "The plight of the Russian orphan" --- available from Friends of Russian Orphans at the following website:

Friends of Russian Orphans - Supporting Yaroslavl's children

Straightblues, it simply isn't accurate that most or all of these children will find a two parent home --- that notion doesn't match reality. It doesn't match reality in either Russia and China, where most single people look because those countries are the primary options for singles.

I hope the future adoptive mother of a blessed Chinese child will believe in herself and God's call, so as to no longer feel it is essential to take polls. Invariably, some people are judgmental enough to respond without having looked into the matter and without having walked in the shoes of a single, never married, Catholic woman. Since half of all marriages end in divorce, it simply isn't plausible for married persons to rationally assume they'd provide a superior home, whether to an infant or to an older child. They don't have a crystal ball.

When I first considered international adoption, I was inclined to "take polls" among my fellow Catholics.

I stopped doing that, because it is simply amazing what people are willing to say without knowing that much about international adoption. You'll receive all kinds of opinions as to what country to select, from people who don't know the policies of that country concerning adoptions by single women.

Consider also, the thought process used by straightblues concerning disabled children. The idea was that healthy children should be reserved for couples but that singles could adopt disabled children. Was straightblues really putting the needs of the disabled child first, or the desires of the married couple? Regarding disabled children who are freed for adoption in the state system in the U.S., you'll find many DHS websites which describe the fact that social workers are looking for a two parent home in which one is medically trained, so as to be able to adequately deal with all of the special needs presented by the child. Straightblues, separate issues are presented concerning the choice to adopt a disabled child.

The woman who began this discussion has already reflected on church teaching. She's prayed and made a decision about morality, parenting, her circumstances and what country works best. For many such women, what the Church should do is step up and help with spaghetti dinner fundraisers and other efforts to help cover the $25,000 to $35,000 expense of adoption. That would be the moral high ground.

While considering the thousands of fallible perspectives among lay and clergy, one might also consider the suicide rate among, for example, Russian orphans of all types who were never selected for adoption. (See the article by Harvard scholars who founded Friends of Russian orphans, for actual data concerning suicide rates. That is just one example of the plight of orphans -- other articles address similar problems of the unadopted in China.)

Best wishes in your adoption of a child from China!

Sincerely,

"Oregon"

[straightblues]

Originally Posted by Oregon

Straightblues, it simply isn't accurate that most or all of these children will find a two parent home --- that notion doesn't match reality. It doesn't match reality in either Russia and China, where most single people look because those countries are the primary options for singles.

Well if you go back to my original post and read it again, I clearly said "Babys have a very good chance of being adopted by a two family. If after the two parent families are exhausted and there are no takers, then I think it is fine for a single person to adopt."

Thus if there really are lot of babies going unadopted in Russia and China, then I believe it is a fine thing to do. So please aplogise for misquoting me.

Originally Posted by Oregon

Consider also, the thought process used by straightblues concerning disabled children. The idea was that healthy children should be reserved for couples but that singles could adopt disabled children. Was straightblues really putting the needs of the disabled child first, or the desires of the married couple?

Where did you get this from. I never said anything about disabled children. Again apolgise for misquotting me.

Originally Posted by Oregon

The woman who began this discussion has already reflected on church teaching. She's prayed and made a decision about morality, parenting, her circumstances and what country works best. For many such women, what the Church should do is step up and help with spaghetti dinner fundraisers and other efforts to help cover the $25,000 to $35,000 expense of adoption. That would be the moral high ground.

Just because one reflects on church teachings doesn't mean they get it right. Martin Luther comes immediately to mind.

And as far as the church rasing money to help with personal adoptions, I think that is a great idea and would support it myself.

[thanksgivingmom]

I am a birthmom and my daughter is being raised by a wonderful, capable, successful, SINGLE woman. I love my daughter more than anything in this world and am grateful to this SINGLE woman.

just because a woman hasn't found a person for whom to have the title of "wife" does not mean that she shouldn't get the opportunity to know the title "mother."

LOVING two parent homes might very well be an ideal for some, yet having a man in the home is not necessary for the successful raising of a child. All too often women stay with thier baby's father in order to allow the child to grow up in a two parent home, while sacrificing happiness in exchange.

God wants His children to be loved and taken care of, and it is my belief that it is not His wish to exclude children or potential mothers and fathers of this experience just because they have not found thier life partner.