[janet_toth]

I hope someone can help me. My brother and sister-in-law are trying to adopt a newborn child from a non-profit agency. I was wondering how thorough the background and medical history checks are for the adoption process. The reason for my concern is this: My brother is a drug addict. He's been battling his addiction with oxycontin pills and heroin for more than 2 years. He's currently 1 month clean and has gone for bloodwork for the adoption. They said they have already had their home study and have paid their fee to the adoption agency. They've been invovled in the agency for about 2 years and say they will have a baby within 6 months.

He's been in rehab twice over the last 2 years. My brother and sister-in-law ARE HIDING HIS ADDICTION from the adoption agency. Does the adoption process look into medical records or have access to rehab records? If not, will they be able to determine the volatile codependent relationship between my brother and sister-in-law due to his drug addiction? He hasn't been able to hold a job for more than a few months and my sister-in-law and my parents support him. The agency hasn't interviewed anyone in his family, so I'm wondering if they will ever uncover this secret.

Please help me in any way you can. I fear for the safety and well being of any child that may be adopted by them, but I don't know what to do. I'm hoping the truth will come out.

Sincerely,
Janet

[BrandyHagz]

Unfortunately, unless he has a record, or his Dr. notes it on the medical exam, it may go unreported and unnoticed.

How sad for the child they will adopt…

Have you contacted the agency and asked them?

[janet_toth]

I haven't contacted the agency because I don't want to start a war in my family. My parents think this adoption will cure him of his drug addiction. I'm the only one who thinks this is crazy, but I have no support. Will the agency investigate an anonymous call?

[BrandyHagz]

Not to sound rude…but at the expense of possibly ruining a child’s life, I’d wage war against whomever I had to!

I don’t know if the agency would investigate or not, but its worth a try.

If I were in this position, I’d gather all the info I could to support your allegations, and then approach the agency.

Children don’t cure diseases, take it from an adoptee who was adopted by addicts, who are still addicts to this day.

[spaypets]

They would probably at least ask about it if you called anonymously. Quite frankly I think a family war is a small price to pay for protecting the welfare of a child. I suggest if you have any kind of proof of this addiction that you forward it to the agency.

The sad fact is that in my state, at least, I didn't even have to submit to a drug test. If your brother doesn't have a criminal history and none of his references feel obligated to share this fact (my state doesn't ask family members for references either), then unless you do something the agency will never know.

You should also contact your state's child welfare office -- they will investigate anonymous tips, particularly if you give enough details -- dates, name of rehab center, any court appearances etc.

Recovering addicts do adopt, but the fact that your brother is hiding his history and lying to my mind makes him unfit to adopt a child.

Please protect this child. S/he has no one else but you.

[janet_toth]

How is it possible to adopt a baby and keep your medical records sealed? And how is it possible that a baby could get adopted with out the agency interviewing family members of the adopting parents? I can't believe this can happen. What if the child is adopted by a alcoholic, mentally ill, or drug addicted people? This is okay?

[Lorraine123]

In my state, MD, I didn't have to undergo a drug test either. They also never talked to any family members. We had to submit three references, but they could be references of our choosing. I did have to have a physical, but it was a very basic physical and I could have gone to a doctor who knew nothing about these problems.

As a result, I'd say that it would be very easy to pass a home study as an addict or mentally ill person. I was surprised by this as I underwent my homestudy process. They made sure that my water was clean, but not that I was!!! Rather odd.

[BrandyHagz]

There is usually a medical exam involved…but you can go to any Dr and get a physical. They don’t pull medical records…they rely on the medical exam and honesty.

The family interview thing is a double-edged sword…why should they require it? The adoptive parents should be honest, and if they aren’t, the caseworker should be able to tell…

In my case, I was adopted by alcoholics, and they are still alcoholics…but that was the seventies.

[cathy102]

If I were you, I would call the agency and tell them you are a family member but don't tell them who you are. But it's worth calling and not letting a child be placed in their home..You need to think of the child not what your family will think..

My 2 cents...

Cathy

[spaypets]

Indeed, my agency wouldn't allow a reference by a family member--it had to be someone unrelated.

And as other people said, there wasn't any pulling of medical records, there was a form and I could have gone to a doctor who didn't have my records. No where did I sign anything that gave them permission to view my records, only a standard form from the doctor.

I was fingerprinted three times by two different agencies (although if I had been doing a domestic adoption, the fingerprinting would have happened only when I went to finalize after DD had been in my home six months!).

My home visit was cursory -- I didn't have to have my water tested. She might have looked for smoke detectors but she never looked for any other safety device.

Suppose they did interview family members, btw. You've already said that you are the only person who is objecting and you're hesitating to get involved and tell the truth -- what good would it have done?

I really don't see what your dilemma is. If the situation is as you say, then you have a moral obligation to try to stop this travesty. If you don't you are as bad as your brother -- you are part of the conspiracy of lies.

[HappyMomAnna]

spaypets--right on!

Family war or not--who is going to be there to pick up the pieces if and when things fall apart?

There is a great big difference IMO between casual use of some substances and a full blown addiction to something as addictive and hard to kick as this!

You might not want to make the call--but, you can easily drop a letter at the post office.... if you fail to make your concerns known you may be the only family member there to help a child later! If your brother had been clean and sober for a few years it might be different but, RULE one in most recovery programs is NOT to start a NEW relationship or end one until a year has passed! And all your steps have been taken!

[MNelson]

Have you confronted your brother with your concerns? Are you possibly a parent yourself who can share your experiences of what a complete commitment parenting will take, which will take away from energy he has for his recovery? Possibly frame it in a manner that you are concerned for him, and want him to succeed in his battle with his addictions. Suggest that they put things on hold for their own good, and the good of this baby who will need him. If you are going to battle family (which might be inevitable in order to save this child), then you may as well open with diplomacy to possibly spare the fight, hard as it might seem. But certainly, contact the agency if you must. Do not rely on background checks, physicals, and references to unearth anything.

[mg1970]

Talking directly with your brother may be one approach, but may not be effective. You can potentially convince them to delay the homestudy until they meet some mutually agreed milestone.

I believe talking to the social worker (You can ask for confidentiality) will be more effective if your goal is to get the homestudy denied.

M

[bumblebeeskies]

OMG! I have never understood how my parents were allowed to adopt, as my dad was an unmedicated psychizophrenic-who killed himself when I was 6. I wrongly thought that screening would be better now. This kind of thing makes me want to vomit.