[Naiter]

So, I'm guessing most, if not all of you, might be able to hear me on this, but this week has been almost unbearable with the whole 'waiting' thing.

As I've said before, I'm not a very patient person and had buckled myself in ready for the rough road ahead that is "waiting for the call", but, for some reason, that seatbelt is rather loose fitting this week.

I'm finding myself REALLY thinking about it all and a couple of times this week on the verge of tears (verge/schmerge - downright sobbing at times) for apparently no reason. Granted that one time a month sort of coincided with it all, but this month has been different - more intense.

"Where is my baby?" is all I can seem to think.

I said to my mom just this morning, that although I have a great support system (especially in her), I'm feeling rather isolated lately. I know we all feel what we're "supposed" to be feeling, but I'm finding myself thinking "What am I supposed to be feeling?" and "Is this normal?"...all those fantastically crazy thoughts that make a person ready for the ol' straight jacket.

So.........here I am - a fair weathered forum buddy - not on in the last long while and now that I need you, I'm here and asking for support.

Just good and bad days I guess.

Thanks for the ears/eyes.

Naiter

[Leigh131313]

On Naiter..it is just so hard some days, isn't it?

I have no advice to offer and certainly no magic cure...dang I could make some good money off of that potion!!

But I can tell you that I have been where you've been, and you WILL find your way out. Some days are just harder than others.

Do you have a good support system? Sometimes just having someone to talk to -someone who can understand or at least empathize- means the world.


I hope tomorrow is a brighter day...I think Christmas makes this all the harder.


Take care

[JewelMarie]

Naiter,

Christmas make things harder than usual. We had a possible child but it turns out that they are putting her file on hold. I cried a lot when this happened. For a little while I imagined this little on in our home.

The only thing I keep telling myself now is focus on one day and one moment at a time. I am trying to keep my mind occupied by keeping my hands occupied. This is hard too.

I think I will take up sewing this weekend.

We are here if you just need someone to scream with you while you wait.

Hi Leigh!

Jewel

[Leigh131313]

Hi back at-cha Jewel!!



Just thought I would check in today and see how you are holding up, Naiter. I'll be gone until after Christmas, but you will be in my thoughts.

Merry Christmas

[Naiter]

Hey Ladies,

Thanks for the ears/eyes/thoughts. I couldn't stand it and emailed my agency for a status update (I've allowed myself one a month) and we've moved up a few more, but more importantly, I was reminded that numbers mean very little.

I realize, of course, that I have no control over this (part of the problem I might add), so I'm just trying to hand it over, hand it over, hand it over. I'm also trying to journal, although most of my entries seem so - I don't know the word - perhaps desperate?

Anyway, have a great holiday season Leigh...and to you too Jewel.

Naiter.

[Leigh131313]

Just to give you a connection to another great group of waiting mom's..


here's alink to the general a-parent Missing Socks threadClick here

[Naiter]

Thanks Leigh..will check that out.

ps...you have the same name (spelled the same and everything) as my hubby....

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Naiter

Hey Ladies,

Thanks for the ears/eyes/thoughts. I couldn't stand it and emailed my agency for a status update (I've allowed myself one a month) and we've moved up a few more, but more importantly, I was reminded that numbers mean very little.

I realize, of course, that I have no control over this (part of the problem I might add), so I'm just trying to hand it over, hand it over, hand it over. I'm also trying to journal, although most of my entries seem so - I don't know the word - perhaps desperate?

Anyway, have a great holiday season Leigh...and to you too Jewel.

Naiter.

The wait sucks!!!!!!!!!!!! Big time!!!! And you hit it on the head, the "having no control" is probably the biggest part of the problem. It was for me at least. And I did what you've done, calling in one time a months to "check in". They told me at the agency that after awhile they looked forward to the call as I was one of "the sweetest squeaky wheels they had ever had". In fact, our SW from our HS came to the Dedication ceremonry of our son. And another SW who counseled me often still keeps in touch by email even though we are no longer waiting, nor to we plan to start the process again. So if nothing else, they get to know you and you get to have a way to mark time.

And I would advise anyone to take advantage of the waiting parent counseling available in your agency. If you are working with a private agency, their interest in you and your well-being during the whole process should be just as big a priority as making sure that expecting mothers have all they need to make the right decision for their child. So make sure they are doing their job.

As for numbers, you are so right, they really don't matter but that doesn't make it any easier does it?? I started to look at it this way (after spending way too much time totally stressed out by it all...) "with every match and placement I was closer to my child coming home". I don't have control over anything except accepting the fact that I have done what I can, now my job was to prepare for the lifelong deal, that is, parenting. Because I can almost guarantee it... when a match happens, things will start moving so fast you won't be able to keep up.

Hang in there!!! You can do this!!! And hugs... always ask for support here and IRL.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by JewelMarie

Naiter,

Christmas make things harder than usual. We had a possible child but it turns out that they are putting her file on hold. I cried a lot when this happened. For a little while I imagined this little on in our home.

The only thing I keep telling myself now is focus on one day and one moment at a time. I am trying to keep my mind occupied by keeping my hands occupied. This is hard too.

I think I will take up sewing this weekend.

We are here if you just need someone to scream with you while you wait.

Hi Leigh!

Jewel

((((Jewel)))) so sorry this happened. It is so hard, but you can scream if you want. SOmetimes if does make you feel better (well most times, lol!) I hope your Star finds you soon!

[JewelMarie]

Thanks everyone; I am okay now. I spent the day limping around(I fell on the ice and hurt my knee). I also had a chance to finally wrap all the presents.

My girl is still trying to count them but she said there is only one address to her. HEHEHE! I am hiding them in my room and plan to keep them there. I want to see her response on Monday morning. I still have a slid to wrap for her.

Waiting for our Star can be hard some days but I am praying that wherever she is, she will have a good Christmas. I strongly feel that she will come home to us in 2007. We need a miracle!

Anyway Naiter, keep doing all those things. I have taken to reading and I believe that I am going to start sewing now.

If for some reason I don't make it back before Monday, Merry CHristmas everyone.

Jewel

[Gracie8]

Hi Naiter! I can really relate to the difficulty waiting! BUT I'd encourage you to take any 'waiting' time to do things like connect with friends, organize your house, scrapbook, any projects you'd like to get done. I had all these ideas for things to do this summer, but I didn't because things seemed so hopeless for more children. Now...I have three kids, live is crazy busy, and I sure wish I had more stuff done! Hang in there, it is definately worth it!!!!!
Gracie8

[Leigh131313]

I've been wondering how you are doing Naiter..


Pop in and give us the scoop when you have time

[Naiter]

Hey Ladies,

Thanks for the messages and sooooooo sorry I've not been on in so long. Life has this crazy way of getting in the way.

Thanks Leigh (and everyone of course)...I'm doing okay. As per usual, I have "good" days and "bad" days, but at the end of the day, it's all completely out of my hands, so I am trying to rest easy in the knowledge that there is a Plan for me and hubby and that it will be looked after as and when it's meant to.

I find silly things bring it all up - for instance. Hubby's parents are coming this summer from England...I think, wouldn't it be nice to have baby by then..or even better, wouldn't it be great to get the call while they're here?

I also then think, hmm...maybe this will be the last year we have as a "no baby" family so maybe we should just enjoy being able to take off with a moments' notice?
It's all so surreal!

Anyway, we are going to our first support group meeting (that our agency has set up) tomorrow night so I'm really looking forward to that. All this great support is what gets us all through it.

Hope everyone is happy!

Naiter.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Naiter

Hey Ladies,

Thanks for the messages and sooooooo sorry I've not been on in so long. Life has this crazy way of getting in the way.

Thanks Leigh (and everyone of course)...I'm doing okay. As per usual, I have "good" days and "bad" days, but at the end of the day, it's all completely out of my hands, so I am trying to rest easy in the knowledge that there is a Plan for me and hubby and that it will be looked after as and when it's meant to.

I find silly things bring it all up - for instance. Hubby's parents are coming this summer from England...I think, wouldn't it be nice to have baby by then..or even better, wouldn't it be great to get the call while they're here?

I also then think, hmm...maybe this will be the last year we have as a "no baby" family so maybe we should just enjoy being able to take off with a moments' notice?
It's all so surreal!

Anyway, we are going to our first support group meeting (that our agency has set up) tomorrow night so I'm really looking forward to that. All this great support is what gets us all through it.

Hope everyone is happy!

Naiter.

Naiter... one day at a time is all I know to say. All that you are feeling is so normal and I am so thankful that you have a support group to share it with IRL. NOt to mention the great people here!!!

I had those same feelings too, always thinking "oh, wouldn't it be neat if.... yada yada". One of those moments was my ILs 50th anniversary party that happened about five months after we started the wait for DD. I was so sad that weekend as I truly hoped that our babe would be there to celebrate. It was almost NINE more months til we got the call. Yeah... you guessed it... figuring back, that was the weekend DD was most likely conceived. So you just never know what's happening in places we can't see.

Hang in there okay??? ANd yes, enjoy these moments!!! I hate to say that because it is so hard to do and I was SO bad at it. But make the most of each day.

[Leigh131313]

So glad to hear from you. I know what you mean, some days are better than others!!

I'm also happy to hear you've been busy, that helps - doesn't it?


anyhoo, sending you cyber hugs on this windy-tuesday!